Double J Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 My sex life is virtually non-existent right now and here's why: 1) My g/f's sex drive is totally shot and has been for months now. We suspect it may have something to do with all the medication she's taking: blood pressure medication, thyroid medication, and birth control pills. I did ample research on side effects produced by birth control pills and found that they're likely to be the culprits, but it's possible that taking all 3 in combination could be exasperating the problem even further. 2) My g/f gives me mixed signals in the bedroom, which doesn't help at all. Just today she came into my room and asked if she could lock the door so that she could take everything off except for her undees. This *might* signal that she's interested in having sex, but that's not always the case. The problem is that she, in general, is a shy person, even in the bedroom. She doesn't like openly communicating if and when she's in the mood, so she'll beat around the bush and give me vague signals. Sometimes those signals are misinterpreted, as they were today. She asked me if I liked her new undees, groped me here and there, etc. In the end, all she wanted to do was cuddle. I have told her time and time again not to lock the door and take off her clothes unless she wants to make love -- it leaves me feeling dissatisfied and sexually frustrated. In sum, sometimes locking the door means she's in the mood, other times it means she just wants to curl up in bed together. Lucky for her, since I am always in the mood, she always gets what she wants. 3) The few occasions in which we have had sex in the past weeks have been painful, literally and figuratively. She has been experiencing a sharp pain in her vagina while being penetrated and we haven't a clue what could be causing it. That obviously makes for an unpleasant distraction, leaving me dissatisfied yet again. Another side effect of the medication, maybe? We've gone from having sex 2-3 times a week to about 2 times every month to month and a half. She says she's thought about consulting a gyno to see if switching to a different type of birth control might do the trick. Has anyone in here gone through something similar? Any tips on how I can improve my situation would really help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theblueman123 Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 You'll have to learn to either cope with her inability to be what you want her to be, or move on and find someone else more suitable (I don't think that's the case though). As for the sex, birth control may be the issue here, but she should get checked out if the sex is painful. Things like endometriosis aren't good--at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erase this face Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 The birth control could be the culprit here in terms of both her depleting sex drive and pain during sex. Definitely have her talk to her gynecologist. She should tell her doctor of the other medications she's on, and inquire about whether or not those could factor in as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 She says she's thought about consulting a gyno to see if switching to a different type of birth control might do the trick. Excellent idea, not only for possibly changing her birth control, but also due to the fact that she is experiencing pain as well. She will never be enthusiastic for sex when she experiences pain and one can hardly blame her. Both these things (birth control/medication and pain) need to be checked out. You should encourage her to go as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantexplain Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I know what you are experiencing is frustrating. It sounds like you care for her and are attracted to her. I would definitely be patient and hang in there with her. Give her the emotional and cuddling attention she wants. Be supportive. Keep working on this. I don't know the specific answer to what will get you two through this. But time and patience and love appear to be the necessary ingredients at this juncture. How long have you been together? Do you live with one another? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 We've been together for 4 and a half years; we don't live together yet. We have obviously talked about marriage, what we plan to name our kids, and the like. But I am surely going to hold off on popping the question until this gets resolved. We're both 24 and look to get married in 3-4 years. I'm optimistic this will be resolved before then. Otherwise, it might lead to a sexless marriage, and who wants that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantexplain Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 She may not be conscious of this. But something happens to long-term, marriage-minded significant others who are in a relationship which can't seem to commit. One won't communicate the disappointment out of fear of losing the only person she/he loves. But other parts of him/her shut down. I don't know her nor anything about you two ... but one thought which occurred to me while reading your OP is that she may be shutting down in the face of what may seem like less than a marriage-type commitment ... you two dragging along and dead-ending into nothing. So if you push her away (by continuing to forestall the next level of commitment) it is possible that this thing is over, now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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