Honey610 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Thank you for all your comments, they're enlightening! Ugh, patience is definitely a virtue. The thing is, when we talk on the phone, its great. We talk and we always spend a minimum of at least 45 minutes on the phone and he doesn't even like talking on the phone. However, when it comes to hanging out in person, its obvious we both want to, but its awkward. Or at least, it becomes awkward someway, somehow. We end up doing the same things we used to do when we were going out yet there's no kissing, holding hands and I think its kind of hard for both of us, though he wouldn't admit it. As for the concert, next month. I mean, I think I'll end up going cause this was OUR concert. I got the tickets for us and its also his birthday and I do care about him so much. Though this whole thing has been difficult for me and obviously I have been making "typical" post break up mistakes, I needed to go through it. The period of NC helped to get my own issues in check but the patience part of this (or lack thereof) had to be tested along the way. I needed to go through all of this to see what's working and not working in this situation. Like you, Lilac, he still wants to be friends. What that means? I don't know, but I am glad. I really have to get a hold of my emotions though cause its not fair to him or to me, cause I'm not being the person that I normally am. All of these "mistakes" have helped me to calm down a lot. I had high hopes at the beginning and now I don't... which I needed to happen so that I really don't expect anything and can let things flow the way they're supposed to. I have to leave it up to fate and let things unfold... whatever that means lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I might have commented on this concert before, I can't remember but me and my ex broke up and had tickets to a great concert. I went and I do not regret it one bit. I have pics of me and the artist, it was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyBoots Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Well, if someone wants to spend time with a person, enjoys talking to them etc. it usually means they like them and enjoy their company...not necessarily in anything other than a friendly way mind you...so there is no need to question that one, it is a given. ;-) When you have been intimate it will be a bit awkward reestablishing boundaries but it has to be done - I know that when I spent a day out with my ex a few months after we split, all the body language of attraction was still there, we got on great and had fun, but there was that awkward feeling there because the hugs and hand holding etc was missing...and it still felt a bit like it should be there, if that makes any sense...we didn't meet up again for 4 months after that...you are in a good position in that your ex actually wants to spend time hanging out and talking to you...because he likes you as a person. He may not be in the right Headspace for anything more than that right now and pushing will only make him pull away again. If you can get into the headspace of looking on this as no more and no less than friends hanging out, then you are in a strong postion here to be able to just let things flow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Thanks Nicole- Are you and your ex still friends since the concert? I guess we'll see what happens with my ex. To be honest, usually I'm the one who calls him every once in a while to see how he's doing. And since I won't be doing that, it should be interesting to see if he calls me. If he doesn't call me before the concert which is a little less than a month away...then I'll decide then if I'll be going to the concert. Thanks Lilac- I agree he probably likes talking to me and hanging out with me in a friendly way, or so it seems. But he could also be hanging out with me because he's bored...? Everything you're saying is completely on point, its just right now, I feel like the situation is kind of hopeless. I have started to believe he only wants to hang out because he's bored or he feels bad saying no (though he's not a "yes" person). I guess I'll finally see how much he cares if he calls me after all of this. Thank you again for your input Gives me some food for thought Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Just wanted to vent... feeling down today. As much as I try not to think about my situation with the ex, I can't help it. I'm tired of this, yet I miss him, yet I'm angry at him for just giving up so easily, yet I hate him in a way for making me care about him. Though he didn't necessarily make me, but he came into my life which up to now, I don't see the reason for it... This whole thing just seems pointless. He dumped me yet I'm the one trying to be his friend and he doesn't seem to care. I forgave him even though he just got up and left... no discussion about anything that was bothering him, just yelled out what he felt was wrong with me and left. Never called me once in between that whole time to see if I was okay, nothing. Yet I called him after 3 months to see how he was??? I'm so mad at myself... Sorry just had to vent, I'm done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 look I have gone through a breakthrough moment where I realize that he tried to make it work for me but I did not realize it until i t was too late and over, therefore I have to better myself for myself and accept it's over, though i have hope it's not as strong as before.... you really need to think about things or you will continue to suffer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Honey, I think that's what's so exhausting. All the emotions. Happy, angry, hurt, sad, numb, curious....then all over again. I'm watching The Way We Were. Heard it was a great movie. Never saw it. Hope it doesn't make me think about my ex. I really am not in the mood to cry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 but you should cry when you feel it, its part of healing. I have cried twice in my fromt of my boss, who has been so good to me since this break up occurred... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoldingHope Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 No offense, but I think I am now dumber after reading the first 2 paragraphs. That is so mean. And uncalled for. Sorry, but we come here for support not to be judged. If you cant be totally honest here, where can you be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well if I keep watching this movie I will definitely start crying. She is begging him not to leave her...oy! This is familiar territory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Thank you guys for the posts It's nice to know that I can vent on here and you guys care enough to respond That alone, makes me feel better. Singler- I do agree that I need to accept things as they are and need to do things to better myself. And I honestly have, I guess just today I'm going through the range of motions all at the same time, and just needed to vent it out. I will be going NC, but if he contacts me I won't deliberately ignore him. I guess he's just doing the best he can and so am I. It sucks cause in a way, I wish I could stay mad at him... it would make things easier for me Lilly- Yes, I'm having one of those "breakdown Sundays". Awww I saw the movie "The Way We Were" and it is heartbreaking, but its kind of good to let it out. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll watch Bridget Jones' Diary (pt. 1&2) as well as Sex and the City (movie & episodes)... anything really that has characters that have or are going through something similar as I. In terms of crying... I cry watching Oprah... I'm one of those that has the ability to feel other people's feelings (real or fictional). Keep the tissues near you! *Hugs* HoldingHope- Thank you for that comment. I thought it was completely disrespectful as well for someone to come on here making condescending comments. Simply asking me to rewrite something cause you may not understand it, is enough for me to understand. Currently I'm watching Bridezilla... it amazes me that these women are complaining about foolish things concerning their wedding, when they should be happy that have met that special person to spend their life with...geez lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Girl, I am having one of those sunday's myself, but you have to have self control, joing a dating site like Pof.com it really helps....i am having the same stress I did when I was with my ex but I won't make the same mistake by calling him although 95% of me wants to!!! Self control tell your self all about it, listen to when you feel like calling him! Really stop the compulsiviness, it only hurts you in the end that is why NC is for us!!! Stay strong!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Aww thanks Singler *Hugs* Surprisingly, I don't feel like calling him (which is a change!), but I feel like wallowing in my self pity. lol Just for today though! If I do feel like calling him though the first thing I'll be doing is reading my experience on here first which will then remind me that it is NOT a good idea. The ex doesn't know what he wants and me being at his beck and call (well not really lol) is not helping the situation. If anything, its confusing him more. Hey Singler, I just noticed you live in NYC, well I live in Queens. Small world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Wow, honey yes I live in queens.... 71st and continental hit a bell, we should catch a drink sometime!!! Break up buddy night sounds good to me!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 OMG, I live in Richmond Hill, so you're not too far. Yes, we should definitely get drinks! Let me know when you're free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 pm me honey, i'll show you a good night, lol!! what a small world!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonasWaingaro Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Hey! Wth, I wanna come too! Dang living in the middle of no where. Anyhoo Honey, I know exactly how you feel. I keep thinking the same thing, 'I'm contacting the person that devastated my life to see how she is?!' Well, that's simply crazy!! It's totally backwards. Sheesh. So what I've done today is watch the following a few (dozen)times...and you know what, it helped! Best version all time. You guys have a drink on me!! A mojito or something nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Jonas, you're more than welcome to join Singler and I. Funny enough, I was supposed to move to FL but ended up staying here I'll have a mojito for you (a coconut one!) since that is my favorite drink! I have to say today was a tough day but it ended well. And I'm sure I'll have more "bad" days but I did good. Thank you guys Unfortunately, you may hear me venting again lol P.S The song you picked should definitely be our anthem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 yummmm.... mojito is my fav...i know the place to take you honey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Yay! I'm excited Singler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 So I've been kinda M.I.A lately. Feeling a bit better but for some reason I called the ex today. I don't even know why... I guess I just wanted to see how he's doing. He didn't answer and who knows if he calls back, cause he could be sleeping, or studying or on a date or out with a (newly acquired) girlfriend... I'm just assuming he's out on a date or something so if I do talk to him and he does say that, I've already prepared myself. Just writing down my thoughts; feel free to respond Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 So he ended up calling me back and we talked for about 45 minutes. It was a good conversation; it was light-hearted and we were just catching up. It went well. I reminded him about the concert and he thought it was this week but I told him no, its the day after your birthday. At the end of the conversation, he said that he's excited for the concert and it will be a great way to celebrate his birthday cause guys don't really celebrate their birthday and its a nice gift. Him saying that, really made my day. So I'm looking forward to seeing him in 2 weeks and he seemed glad to hear from me, even though he was tired. And I have the HOTTEST outfit to wear with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 I have no ideas if anyone is even still reading this thread, but I do have an update. I'm not sure what to make of it, though I know its not bad... So yesterday (well Friday) was the infamous concert I was going to with my ex. My ex's birthday was on Thursday so it was a celebration of some sorts since I bought the concert tickets and covered drinks and what not, for the occasion. So we met up and ended up getting drinks before the concert because we had time to kill. So we were having drinks and catching up and talking. The topic of relationships came up and he was talking about how he's very reflective about situations that happen in his life including relationships. So I basically asked him if he felt like he knew what he wanted in a woman, and he said yes. He felt like with his ex wife and ex girlfriend (before me) he was a "fixer", you know trying to do everything to make things work and now he doesn't do that. He feels that things either work or they don't, they shouldn't be forced. I told him I understood but that it seems that when he sees a flaw in a person, he doesn't talk about it, he just gets up and leaves. He said that wasn't true, he believes he tries but sometimes things don't work out. He doesn't feel relationships require work. So I asked him why he stayed in his previous relationship (he used to argue with his ex all the time) and he said because the sex was good. He stayed in that relationship for two years with someone he argued with all the time just because the sex was good? I was kind of hurt after he said that because me and him got along, never got into a tiff besides the night of our break up yet he wouldn't give me a chance? I know sexual chemistry is important but geez... I told him that didn't really make sense to me and he said that things between him and I just didn't work. He mentioned that he doesn't think people can really change unless they really want to change which I agreed with. He also said that one of things with me, is that I over analyze things, which in certain times, I did with him. Probably because he's not very expressive, but nonetheless I did do it. And I told him how my roommate now over analyzes things so much and how annoying it is, and I could see how that could be annoying to someone. I was telling my ex how I was learning my behavioral patterns through my roommate's actions and how it has made me more aware of the bad habits I was doing. He said that was good and that yea, that's how most people learn. Then he talked about how if he sees a girl has issues (for example, being insecure) that he can't deal with that and it wouldn't work. I told him EVERYONE has some sort of issue coming into a relationship and both people deal with it (some are more bearable than others, of course). He said he doesn't want someone else's issues to be his problem, which I understand, but I felt like even though he says he knows what he wants, he contradicts himself a bit. He also said he can't deal with possess or jealous women and that's a deal breaker for him. He said that if he's in a relationship with someone they should be confident enough in themselves and their relationship that he wouldn't leave... but he left me!? I was never possessive or jealous with him... I never said I was hurt or confused by any of his comments mind you, I just acted normal. We finished our drinks and headed out to the concert. We finally got into the concert after waiting outside for 1.5 hours and got our seats. I caught him staring at me numerous times and when I looked back at him he looked away, it was kind of odd. We ordered drinks and I was wearing a semi sexy top and he continued to periodically stare at me. Anyway, the performance was great and two songs that were kind of "our" songs came on and at one point, I started tearing up cause this situation is emotional for me. It was very dark in the venue; he may have saw me but I'm not sure. When the concert ended we were leaving and walking to the subway and he just put his arms around me and said thank you so much for a great birthday and how much he appreciated it. I told him I'm happy that he's happy. He was falling asleep while waiting for our train and hugged me once or twice again expressing his gratitude. We got on the train and was falling asleep and I told him if he wanted to sleep on my shoulder, that's okay. He ended up falling asleep on my shoulder which was adorable. His stop came first so I woke him and he said bye and we held hands while he was leaving. It was cute cause out of all the awkwardness that happened between him and I previously, it seems he's starting to trust me again and not feel uncomfortable around me. This morning he texted me asking if I got home safe and I replied that I did and that I lost my voice and hope he got enough rest. He replied back saying, he didn't get enough rest but it was worth it and told me to drink some tea with honey and to get better. Overall, it went pretty well...but I have no idea what the heck he's thinking (I guess that's part of the potential reconciliation process), yet I'm happy that we had fun and there seems to be no more awkwardness between him and I. Also, another interesting thing he said was that most of his friends now are women, he only has two good guy friends. so I was like oh okay cool. But isn't it odd, that no one really called him for his birthday or got him anything or took him out except for me? I'm not reading into it cause that could mean I'm a giver and he's taking advantage of me, or perhaps he's fibbing a bit about his extracurricular activities? I know this was a bit long... but do you guys think? Any insights? Thanks in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Well Hun, Seems like he had a good time at the concert, and he likes you, but its not enough to re-start a relationship. How long have you two been broken up for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doiiiieeezie Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Two red flags: 1- He doesn't think that a relationship needs work. That means he is kind of too immature to get back together 2-No one else asked him to do things on his bday... or so you know...so did he go out with you because there was no one else or because he really wanted to go with you? There is much work to do on both sides... and you know him better than us silly strangers from this board... but I would not hold any light or hope to this. You two haven't spend that much time apart and he is still holding on to the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.