Worried about my friend, don't know what to do.

[Anamarie89]

I have a friend that is going through a lot more troubles in her life right now than I will EVER go through. She got raped by her brother multiple times, kicked out of her house, and has cut her wrist a couple times trying to get rid of her life. She seems to be dealing with it, but I don't know... i sympathize, but I can't empathize. I don't know what to do to help, I can't feel what she's going through. I'm a little richarse girl in a nice house who is going to cruise through my life and never have to worry about anything except which car to buy when I turn 16, and she's just the opposite. I want to help because it hurts to just stand by and watch, but short of letting her live with my family (not a possibility, obviously) there isn't anything I can do, except stand back, and feel awful.

 

And I do feel awful that I can't DO anything.

 

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

[brtlangst]

That sounds awful, and depending on the age of your friend you may have different options. Either way, YOU NEED TO TELL AN ADULT. You may lose contact with your friend if they find her a new home but it's better than her losing her life. Discuss it with your parents, they should be able to help. But just don't sit there and let her "deal" with it, she'd be much happier if you could help her.

 

Good Luck.

-Amie

[Gunther]

I agree if an adault has not been told you HAVE to tell someone, and as previously stated depending on the age they will decide what to do.

[Anamarie89]

She's fourteen, her brother is eighteen, if that matters. I don't know which adults to talk to, and if I do talk to anybody I don't know what to say, and I don't even know if that's right... I don't want her to get pissed at me for messing with her life, but I'd rather mess with her life than have her not have a life at all.

 

Apparently there is already a "detective"? (her word, not mine) involved and she has a "case manager" but in my naivety I don't know what that means.

 

Thanks for the replies, it means a lot.

[Celadon]

Anamarie89, a case manager is like a social worker -- someone assigned to her family by either the government (like Child Protective Services) or a social-service agency (which also tries to help out the family). The case manager usually isn't a counselor, but is the person who would arrange for people to get help or counseling.

 

If there's a detective involved, that's probably the police. Did your friend or someone in her house call the police, maybe if one of her family was beating up on her?

 

Some schools have guidance counselors. If yours does, go talk to him or her and ask what you should do. Listen to them and see if you trust them (some aren't very good, unfortunately, but if you think this person cares, then you can decide for yourself if you want to take their advice. If you don't think they care, then don't even bother with them anymore).

 

Also, some cities have suicide hotlines. You might want to call them and ask for advice for your friend -- places she could go (like a domestic violence shelter, or program for abused girls) or counseling organizations where she could talk with someone.

 

Most importantly, listen to your friend and see what she thinks. Does she know there are organizations that can help her? If she does know, but doesn't want to get help, then you can't force her. You can just be her friend. But if she's never heard of these resources, you could tell her about them or give her their phone numbers.

 

You're a good friend to be concerned. Let us know how things go...