KG Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Hers, Not trying to be anything but helpful.....Is there something that may have happened in your past that you are repressing, causing you to feel this way about ONS? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 What do you mean, KG? I have major daddy issues, haha. Isn't that what people always link this sort of thing to? haha. I have this obsession with men who can protect me. Like that's the sexiest thing about men to me. One who'd stand up for me, one who would try his best to keep me out of danger. I never felt protected as a child, especially b/c my mom would drive drunk with us or leave us alone with the boyfriends who used to beat her. So I think the feeling of wanting a man who can protect me comes from that for sure. But my feelings about one night stands, regarding feeling like they're not interested in me except for sex so that's why I don't know how to talk to them? No idea. Or are you referring to another way I feel about them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I know. I know all this, so I'm not sure why I don't act on it. And then when something less than ideal happens as a result of the choices I make for myself, I beat myself up about it, put myself down, pretty much verbally abuse myself. That, to me, is a bigger problem than sleeping with guys I met an hour before. I think that was true before things like AIDS existed. And since you don't want to have children (I think) I would think that the physical risk of pregnancy is also of greater significance than the emotional effects. No reason to beat yourself up about a ONS but I hope you do decide to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Pregnancy doesn't scare me. I'm not sure why it never has. Stds either. That's a terrible outlook to have. But I definitely need to take better care of myself with all of this. From the guys I pick to the way I protect myself to the way I treat myself after. Something has to change b/c it's not healthy and obviously I'm not happy with it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.mac Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Your last post reminded me of a song - 'Have You Forgotten' by the Red House Painters. There's a specific line - "Have you forgotten how to love yourself?" Maybe that's a place to start... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I'm trying to. Really, most of the tiem, I'm not some insecure verbal self-abuser like I'm coming off as currently on this thread. I'm a happy person who loves others and finds happiness even when things are bad. But I think what's happened is that I've become so overwhelmed with things around me right now that I've given up on being happy and am looking for even the teeniest bit of pleasure and fun that I can find right now. Somehow I've recently lost my way and am trying to find my way back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernSon Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Well I think you've been given a lot of great advice throughout this entire thread. You just need to do something about it, which sounds like you are ready to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 It's always better to give advice than take it for yourself, huh? I'm rather impressed by my maturity and self-reflection on this thread, actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Having sex can be very comforting in times of stress, unfortunately it can also come with consequences and no lasting comfort at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Exactly. And especially when the guy you're casually sleeping with turns out to be a dirtbag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 What do you mean, KG? I have major daddy issues, haha. Isn't that what people always link this sort of thing to? haha. I have this obsession with men who can protect me. Like that's the sexiest thing about men to me. One who'd stand up for me, one who would try his best to keep me out of danger. I never felt protected as a child, especially b/c my mom would drive drunk with us or leave us alone with the boyfriends who used to beat her. So I think the feeling of wanting a man who can protect me comes from that for sure. You know what? I must say... I am impressed. I would have a horribly hard time admitting that to myself. I kind of seek out father figures too, but not for relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Is it father figures you think I'm looking for? I've never considered that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Is it father figures you think I'm looking for? I've never considered that before. No, I didn't really think that, I kind of assumed it I guess. I just figured that if you're consistently looking for someone that can protect you, that it must fill some fatherly role in your life. And actually, I think that most relationships have some sort of parental role in them. For example, why is 'baby' and 'babe' such a common SO nickname name? But honestly, I don't know much about this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.mac Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 So...are you sure that you are over casual sex or are you just over casual sex with this guy? What's the verdict? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Pregnancy doesn't scare me. I'm not sure why it never has. Stds either. That's a terrible outlook to have. But I definitely need to take better care of myself with all of this. From the guys I pick to the way I protect myself to the way I treat myself after. Something has to change b/c it's not healthy and obviously I'm not happy with it all. I agree that you need to take better care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 I'm not sure, mr mac. I know I want to act with more dignity and have some self respect. But I don't know how to treat myself better. It's almost like I think I'm not deserving of anymore than what I already give myself. I don't know why that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Are you sure you're not just in a transition phase and experiencing a little of the normal weirdness that happens during those times? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 You mean transition like moving and stuff? Could be. I have a hunch that I'm intensely vulnerable right now and am acting on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 And maybe reverting a bit to ways in which you formerly sought comfort? It doesn't mean you haven't made progress, hardly any of us make progress in a straight line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernSon Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Well I for one am curious what Hers has in store for this weekend. Hopefully she can make it through ok and stick with her plan, but we'll have to rely on updates from her on how it's going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 And maybe reverting a bit to ways in which you formerly sought comfort? It doesn't mean you haven't made progress, hardly any of us make progress in a straight line. yeah for sure. i started smoking pot again too. not a lot but a friend gave me some and i smoked it. that's what i used to do when things happened and i didn't know how to cope. i just had a complete breakdown on the phone with my sister about moving down. she's so disappointed in me, not in a sad way that i don't want to move down near her anymore, but in a way that she's mad about it. i know what what i want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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