EQD Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Another thing: it's not that I feel like crap after. I don't feel ashamed, gross, dirty, skanky or anything like that. It just leaves me more aware that I want a relationship more than sex now. If that makes sense? been there right before i got my last and current bf. sex.. so much better when you get the connection first. then commitment.. then.... glorious SexOnTap at your disposal! \\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hers... I'm confused as to why you think you might get judged for not wanting to have casual sex anymore? Has it really come to that, that people are expected to put out just because they're single? I'm an old married hag, so i'm out of touch here, but that comment confused me..... In any event, it's your body and your choice as to what to do/not do with it. I can't imagine anyone trying to tell you different. You sound very self-aware, and self-reflective. I'm sure you will continue to make choices that are in your best interests... So nothing really to add, except to voice my confusion...So is casual sex really expected now? Yikes- another reason to make my marriage work.... Take care. FE I wouldn't say that it's expected... but probably more of an expectation that it's a legitimate possibility on the table, if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 FarthestEdge--that's not what I meant! Sorry for the confusion. The asking for no judgment is b/c many people on ENA are against casual sex and offer judgmental remarks a lot of time about it, rather than trying to help the member find anotehr perspective on the matter. So far that hasn't happpened on this thread, which I'm grateful for. I wanted perspective, not judgment for what I choose to do with my body. So no, casual sex isn't expected. It's still "taboo", at least to some in ENA land Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I wouldn't say that it's expected... but probably more of an expectation that it's a legitimate possibility on the table, if that makes sense. Well, I would expect that it would eventually be on the table, but geeezzz. "What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Do you have to go diving straight for the clitoris?" I think it just threw me off that Hers assumed she would be harshly judged for NOT wanting casual sex. My, how the tables have turned since I was single...I started dating DH simply so I wouldn't look like a trollop after our first...oh...let's call it a date, why not.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Well, I would expect that it would eventually be on the table, but geeezzz. "What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Do you have to go diving straight for the clitoris?" I think it just threw me off that Hers assumed she would be harshly judged for NOT wanting casual sex. My, how the tables have turned since I was single...I started dating DH simply so I wouldn't look like a trollop after our first...oh...let's call it a date, why not.... think its the other way around FE. she was just protecting herself from people who would say 'you shouldnt be having casual sex anyway!' i think it what was expressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 FarthestEdge--that's not what I meant! Sorry for the confusion. The asking for no judgment is b/c many people on ENA are against casual sex and offer judgmental remarks a lot of time about it, rather than trying to help the member find anotehr perspective on the matter. So far that hasn't happpened on this thread, which I'm grateful for. I wanted perspective, not judgment for what I choose to do with my body. So no, casual sex isn't expected. It's still "taboo", at least to some in ENA land Ah- I get it now.... Meh- your body, your choice. One may choose not to engage in casual sex because one may believe it won't bring her/him what one is looking for. But what you are looking for and what another is looking for at any given time is not the same thing. We're all grownups, right? Every choice and lifestyle brings with it it's own advantages and disadvantages, joys and regrets. So who am I or anyone else to tell you what your values, priorities, and ultimately your choices should be.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Yep, and that's the way I feel about it too. That said, I am looking forward to good sex this weekend. It's just the texts after that I don't care for. Do you think this guy is doing it to ensure that I don't think he's "using me" and then running off? B/c his texts are always like "I have an erection" or something stupid like that. Not like "how are you? How are things? I hope you're well". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Yep, and that's the way I feel about it too. That said, I am looking forward to good sex this weekend. It's just the texts after that I don't care for. Do you think this guy is doing it to ensure that I don't think he's "using me" and then running off? B/c his texts are always like "I have an erection" or something stupid like that. Not like "how are you? How are things? I hope you're well". He wants to keep your fire burning, hot hot hot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Yep, and that's the way I feel about it too. That said, I am looking forward to good sex this weekend. It's just the texts after that I don't care for. Do you think this guy is doing it to ensure that I don't think he's "using me" and then running off? B/c his texts are always like "I have an erection" or something stupid like that. Not like "how are you? How are things? I hope you're well". Based on that, I'd think he finds you to be a good FB and want's to keep you thinking about him, purely within the context of the nature of your relationship. So tell him- "hey, I have a good time with you, but I don't care for the texts." IMO if you're sleeping with someone, you should always be able to be honest at least, about what it means, and what it doesn't... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 if i were in your position and 'got' a text like that i would write back something silly like.. "i got an erection" "i have a mousetrap" #2 "i got an erection" "I have chicken noodle soup" #3 "i got an erection" "Neat! Whats that??" or.. sucks to be you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Haha eqd I've written back similar things. I've written back " how nice for you!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 if i were in your position and 'got' a text like that i would write back something silly like.. "i got an erection" "i have a mousetrap" #2 "i got an erection" "I have chicken noodle soup" #3 "i got an erection" "Neat! Whats that??" hahahah we could make a game out of this.... #4 "Who are you planning to vote for?" #5 "The blue pez aren't candy, you know" #6 "You really need to put that thing on a leash" anyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Based on that, I'd think he finds you to be a good FB and want's to keep you thinking about him, purely within the context of the nature of your relationship. So tell him- "hey, I have a good time with you, but I don't care for the texts." IMO if you're sleeping with someone, you should always be able to be honest at least, about what it means, and what it doesn't... Exactly. Not many guys will let go of a girl who is giving them sex, but doesn't get attached to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 So you think he's doing it on one level b/c he doesn't want to lose me or b/c I'm easy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I was just trying to clarify what you meant (and I was right) - no judgments here. You have to assess the risks/benefits for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Yep, and that's the way I feel about it too. That said, I am looking forward to good sex this weekend. It's just the texts after that I don't care for. Do you think this guy is doing it to ensure that I don't think he's "using me" and then running off? B/c his texts are always like "I have an erection" or something stupid like that. Not like "how are you? How are things? I hope you're well". It's hard to know what he thinks (pun intended) I think a simple clarification "I understand that we're just hanging out to have sex" will do the trick if you feel there is some confusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Oh I know you just needed clarification. No worries. And you were right. I'd scoff if I were reading this thread as an outsider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 So you think he's doing it on one level b/c he doesn't want to lose me or b/c I'm easy? Generally when a guy can sense that a casual sex partner is getting attached, he either calls it off or only has very minimal contact. If he knows that you won't get attached, then it's a great setup for him. He's not going to give that up, which is why he keeps the contact up. I would just tell him that you're not interested in the in between texts. That is if you decide you still want to do it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Well he's initiating all the contact so far. Started with a week after we hooked up, then every other day, now it's every day. The only time I initiated contact was to tell him I'll be in town this weekend (before all this self-reflection started!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 hahahah we could make a game out of this.... #4 "Who are you planning to vote for?" #5 "The blue pez aren't candy, you know" #6 "You really need to put that thing on a leash" anyone else? these can get difficult...uhm... #7 "FIRE!" #8 "Stop rubbing it then" #9 "whats this got to do with starbucks?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 He made me sext with him the other night. Well, didn't make me, but that's what happened. I don't care for that kind of stuff so when he wanted to upgrade to phone calls, I said no. It's not real sex! Does nothing for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 He made me sext with him the other night. Well, didn't make me, but that's what happened. I don't care for that kind of stuff so when he wanted to upgrade to phone calls, I said no. It's not real sex! Does nothing for me.[/QUOT If you did decide to prioritize or be concerned about your emotional well being I would advise to stop the passivity as far as "well he initiated the contact" and "that's what happened" -. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreedomRing Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hers, I can totally relate to how you feel. I called off the FWB's back when I was about 26 as well...just left me feeling very unfulfilled..even when I got my 'nut' so to speak...thats what made me call off all FWB's and let my BOB do the trick...ah..not the same, but hey.. Anyway, I dunno about bout u, but the sexual texts from dude would piss me off..."i have an erection"? What the eff? Just bc we're FWB doesn't mean I want to be talked to sleazy....something about that would rub me the wrong way, like he's not even considering me worthy of a simple 'hello, how are you'. If that's all he sees me as, fine, don't bother communicating at all, unless its to finalize hooking up details. Otherwise, the degrading texts(thats what I consider them as) would make me feel like, not only is he only percieving me as a tool to get his rocks off, but not even enough respect to grant me a 'normal' convo...forget that!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Yea I know. I think it's all out of more or less boredom on my end, even though that stuff annoys me. I think I'll tell him this weekend when I see him that I don't like all the texts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 FreedomRing, you totally just said exactly how I feel about the texts. I don't mind being seen as a booty call but don't be sleazy about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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