Lala_land Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I've cheated on my boyfriend a few times. One night i slept with my friend when we were on a break.. but that is still no excuss. I lied about it to him and said nothing happened. Last winter i got really drunk and slept with another friend, and dont remember. Please dont judge me. I used to be this kind of person who would sleep with anyone to feel loved for a minuite, But im not like that anymore. I would NEVER cheat on him again. I love him with all my heart and need him in my life. Hes made out with 2 people while we were dating and traded naked pictures with someone else. I know we sound like a wreak but we do love eachother. I know im gunna get "you should break up" from everyone.. but please help me. I've never been so depessed.. my cheating has been eatting away at me and i dont know what to do about it. If i tell him he will break up with me... but i need him. I do.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Nothing will make it better than telling him else you will still have your guilt consume you. Are you willing to hide your guilt and lie everyday when you look in his eyes? If you can do that with no problem then by all means do that... If you don't plan on telling, then I would recommend you get tested for STD's and if you're 100% clear, keep it to yourself and learn from it. If you do get a disease then by all means, you have to tell him right away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcadefire Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Don't lie to him anymore. He deserves to know that you slept with other people for his health and for his sake. Don't let the guilt consume you anymore. How can you still see yourself dating him if you keep this hidden any longer? If you want things to work out between you two, he needs to know. Otherwise, it might come out another way and that won't be any better. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to be. I hope for the best for you two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaoticbaby Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 this may be irrelevant but...can i hear the circumstances of the times he cheated before i give you some advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addictedblue Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I'd just leave it. Honestly if your relationship is going good, I don't see the need to shake things all up by telling him. You'll successfully dumb all of your guilt onto him which will convert to anger or sadness for him...which isn't really that nice either. Some people are better off without certain knowledge. It's not like he's been a perfect angel either. Find a way to get over it or just tell him, but I'd get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brokenpogostick Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 There is no excuse for cheating. If you loved and cared for him as much as you say you do then you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. I have a zero tolerance policy for cheaters no matter what the circumstances. I'm sorry, but I don't have any sympathy for you. You need to tell him the truth so that he can decide if you're worth his time to stay with. He also needs to know so that he can get tested for STDs if he so chooses. What happens if you never tell him, you get married and eventually he finds out? If I found out that my husband had cheated on me when we were dating it would be game over without a second thought. I would want someone who loves, respects and honors me at all times - not someone who picks and chooses when to be faithful and not. You need to face the music and tell him what you've done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addictedblue Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 What happens if you never tell him, you get married and eventually he finds out? If I found out that my husband had cheated on me when we were dating it would be game over without a second thought. I would want someone who loves, respects and honors me at all times - not someone who picks and chooses when to be faithful and not. You need to face the music and tell him what you've done. She had drunken sex she can't remember months and months ago, clearly feels guilty about it and won't do it again. It seems like she's punished herself enough...she doesn't need to lose her relationship to. If you just got married and you found out your husband drunkely hooked up with someone so long ago you'd divorce him?? Sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbydigital83 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 You love him. If you love him with all your heart then you can prove it by hurting him. People only tend to hurt those who they love (good friends, relationships and family). Those who hurt others without the respect of letting the other person know is not love, its more in the role of taking advantage over the other. Please tell him. It might be over, but then if he loves you with all his heart, then the same concept would apply to him also. People only tend to sincerly forgive the ones they love with all their heart (good friends, relationships and family). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 She had drunken sex she can't remember months and months ago, clearly feels guilty about it and won't do it again.It's still cheating. In the end it's up to her if she wants to come clean or not... Her boyfriend cheated as well so he's not innocent either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lala_land Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 She had drunken sex she can't remember months and months ago, clearly feels guilty about it and won't do it again. It seems like she's punished herself enough...she doesn't need to lose her relationship to. If you just got married and you found out your husband drunkely hooked up with someone so long ago you'd divorce him?? Sheesh. Thank you. I do feel very guilty about it.. and would NEVER do it again. Its not because i dont love him.. it was a drunken mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Thank you. I do feel very guilty about it.. and would NEVER do it again. Its not because i dont love him.. it was a drunken mistake. What makes you think he wouldn't forgive you if you told him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baguette Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 if you tell him, it would only be to relieve the guilt you're dealing with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brokenpogostick Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 My husband and I share the same feelings on cheating no matter what the circumstances - zero tolerance. We are 100% secure in our relationship because of this. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband would never put our relationship in jeopardy. Drunk is not an excuse. There are no excuses. Are you sorry because you cheated or are you sorry that you feel so guilty? It sounds like a bit of both, but I'm glad that I'm not you or your boyfriend to be frank. I LOVE the fact that I don't have to worry one bit about my husband (or myself!) doing anything stupid. Best regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
static_enginee Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 She had drunken sex she can't remember months and months ago, clearly feels guilty about it and won't do it again. It seems like she's punished herself enough...she doesn't need to lose her relationship to. If you just got married and you found out your husband drunkely hooked up with someone so long ago you'd divorce him?? Sheesh. I'm brokenpogostick's husband. I wanted to chime in on this topic. She's right, we do feel the same way. I've been cheated on by EVERY woman except her in my life. I have ZERO tolerance and I expect the same from my wife. If I cheat, I expect to find myself single and divorced..... PERIOD. There is NO EXCUSE for cheating. Drunk, high, whatever. It doesn't wash with me. I would never cheat on my wife. If I found our relationship stale or boring, I would leave her. Then I could do what I want, and I want her to do the same. But here's the difference. We communicate. It's a foreign idea for most people now adays, but it works. If you don't like how things are going, talk to your partner. We made a promise to be faithful and we intend on keeping it! It's amazing what you can fix by talking. But it the "me" universe we've created, no one takes time out to fix things, just do what feels good for you and the rest be dammed....... Why is it that each generation lets a little more and a little more get by???? It's the slippery slope idea. We let more and more get by until we have nothing left. I for one am not going to let that happen. I for one will stand up for my ideals, I will stand up for what is right, I will teach my kids that this type of behavior is not ok, ever! And I will take all the crap from the "liberal" people who will chastise me and I will stand proudly for my morals! /rant btw I'm not really this mean, I just found a post that struck a nerve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
static_enginee Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Not the popular opinion, but I wanted to clarify my stance. If you aren't married, then leave him for this other guy if that's what you want. But by no means should you drag him along for something that will only end in problems. You've demonstrated that you are not ready and I believe that this is a point where you should learn from your past. You'll know when you find the right one. There won't be a question as to if he's the one or not or whether you will cheat or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamiJayne Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I wanted to say "Don't tell him" Also you don't "need" him at all. Don't ever put yourself in a position where you feel you "need" the other person. But when I think about it, If my partner had cheated on me... I'd want to know. So put yourself in his position... If he had done exactly what you have... Would you want him to tell you? Or keep his dirty secret? Also did you use a condom? If not I really hope you had an STD check after your "mistakes" Otherwise I'd think you didn't have much respect for your boyfriend... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
static_enginee Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I wanted to say "Don't tell him" Also you don't "need" him at all. Don't ever put yourself in a position where you feel you "need" the other person. But when I think about it, If my partner had cheated on me... I'd want to know. So put yourself in his position... If he had done exactly what you have... Would you want him to tell you? Or keep his dirty secret? Also did you use a condom? If not I really hope you had an STD check after your "mistakes" Otherwise I'd think you didn't have much respect for your boyfriend... So getting an STD check confirms respect???? Cheating pretty much destroyed all respect in my point of view. If you respect someone and value them you would never hurt them in that way. I thin you should see a specialist and get your head straight before you date anyone again. You have the potential of being a good person, you just need the right guidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 If you guys were on a break, I don't really see how it's cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
static_enginee Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 If you guys were on a break, I don't really see how it's cheating. Maybe I missed that. But if you were broke up, then it's not cheating. Although I would still question your commitment. You need to analyze if this is where you want to be for the rest of your life or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamiJayne Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 So getting an STD check confirms respect???? Cheating pretty much destroyed all respect in my point of view. If you respect someone and value them you would never hurt them in that way. I thin you should see a specialist and get your head straight before you date anyone again. You have the potential of being a good person, you just need the right guidance. Well I agree with that, and I should have writen it. But I didnt want to be any harsher than I had been. Shes already on the floor with guilt, I didnt want to kick her as well. I just hope she did have "some" respect for the guy, and got checked out before sleeping with him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Say nothing and just move on, okay, i would just leave it in the past and not to go back on it and start all over again.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamiJayne Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Maybe I missed that. But if you were broke up, then it's not cheating. Although I would still question your commitment. You need to analyze if this is where you want to be for the rest of your life or not. She said the first time they were ona break... but each person sees a "break" differently. I see a break as a time to have personal space, and think about what you want from the relationship... Not to go jump in to bed with the first one that offers.. But thats personal opinion. She also said she cheated a second time.. And didn't say weather that was on a break or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamiJayne Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Say nothing and just move on, okay, i would just leave it in the past and not to go back on it and start all over again.. So if your partner did what she did.. You'd be happy for him/her to keep it to himself/herself? It's ok to cheat as long as you regret and feel guilty? To risk infecting them with an STD? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 So if your partner did what she did.. You'd be happy for him/her to keep it to himself/herself? It's ok to cheat as long as you regret and feel guilty? To risk infecting them with an STD? To ME if my boyfriend cheated on me, and i see him hell yes i would want tthe truth, but if i don't no anything about it i wouldn't want him to come tell me nothing about it, i would love for in his own heart to end it, becuase if i no i MIGHT break up and thats not what i want, so il do what ever it takes to save my hurt and relationship, what the eyes dont see don't hurt the heart.looops sorry if thats not the best but its my opinion, hun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamiJayne Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Yes its each persons opinion. I would most likely break up with my partner if he cheated. But I would still want to know, have my heart broken. And find a guy that wouldn't cheat. But then I'd rather my partner tell me he wasn't happy. OR what ever it was that caused the "need" to cheat. As it must build up? Did it for you OP? I've never cheated before, and don't plan in the future. Were you unhappy for a long time? or just unhappy with the relationship? didnt see a future? If you had talked about the issues with your partner? how did it go? or did you keep the feelings you had to yourself? So many questions sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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