dysfunctional mother

[pigtails]

I'm having trouble!!!

 

I'm temporarily living at home at college while looking for employment, and it's the first time that I've lived at home in six years. A few years ago I discovered that I have depression, and it comes and goes to a certain degree depending on how much I can control it. I've inherited it from my mother.

 

Now that I'm living at home, and am able to spend more time with my mother, I'm beginning to see extreme symptoms of depression in her, and can tell where I get it from. The problem is that my mother does absolutely nothing to help herself, and I offer to try and help her sometimes and support her emotionally, but is completely unwilling to help herself at all, which causes my family (my father in particular) a lot of emotional pain and turmoil. She goes through really extreme spurts of it, and yells at us for no reason at all. All she does is stay in the house and cleans compulsively, and if we leave something lying around she yells at us and gets really, really upset.

 

I try really hard to not let it affect me, but it's growing worse and worse and I find myself sinking into more and more depression. What's worse it that when I become depressed, I cannot confide in my mother or take comfort in her because I know she suffers from it as well, but does not offer to help me either, which makes me feel so alone and neglected.

 

I find myself most of the time hating my mother for a number of reasons, because she does not help herself, because she is causing my family so much pain, for giving me this illness, and leaving me alone to deal with it. I'm making a lot of effort to move out (looking for jobs and such) but I feel that I'm at the end of my rope. I couldn't confide in people at school because they could not understand depression, and I can't even confide in my family because they can't handle it. I feel so alone, and I feel I'm losing all my strength. I don't know what to do anymore!

[glegend]

I know what it's like. On a different scale though. My mom doesn't really know how to use a computer. Tried to teach her a few times, I but she obviously though it was better that I don't and she doesn't learn. She obviously didn't want to help herself. What happened in the end? Well she lost her job, told her she wasn't needed anymore because she couldn't handle the work. She didn't know how to use the compter thus she failed at the job.

 

Its hard to just sit there and watch. I've sat here and watched a milliion different things happen in my family and not be able to do anything about it. Has effected me many times. My problem is I cannot really talk to anyone about my problems. I can only say so much here online.

 

I don't really like my mom a heck of a lot. Some of her choice have been poor, and I wish they had been different but what can I do. At the end of the day I try to prentnd the pain isn't there. Good luck hope everything is ok with you. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for ya.

[WomanWriter]

Yes, I know just what you mean. My whole family is that way and I live at home with no job too. It is very, very hard. In a way, I feel very co-dependent because if I wasn't here, my family might fall apart. But I am falling apart by the constant negativity and helplessness.

 

My grandmother complains all day about nothing in particular. She derives attention from being "helpless" (although she is not). All her life, her husband worked AND took care of the house. She just sat there, comatose, and still does even though she is physically healthy. She never learned to drive because she freaked out and went crazy when she got behind the wheel. She thinks she is "delicate" and "fragile" and goes out of her way to prove it by pretending she can't do anything. Even simple things--she asks someone else to do it even though she could learn how to use a remote control or set the digital clock. Every little thing is a catastrophe--like the mailman coming by. She cusses every other word and called the electric company "dirty b-words" because we had a black-out. She blames everyone and everything for nothing.

 

She discourages my entire family from being indepdent and it has worked...basically all my siblings and cousins got their licenses late in life and/or moved out late. She gets upset when I try to eat right and feels offended when I don't accept her food. She talks behind my back because I went to college and am not married yet. She is Italian and thinks I have to marry somoene Italian. She's extremely paranoid and thinks that even other white folks are out to get her.

 

I know this is all so unhealthy, but when you are stuck in that cycle, it's hard because you too start to feel helpless and like you have no one to turn to to get you out. I am just now growing myself up.

 

Make sure you save a lot of money so that when you DO leave, you never have to come back again. Go to the library and stay in your room a lot. It helps me somewhat.