Help in so much pain and don't know what to do about her

[Strawbridge]

Does she know this? If not, why not? I don't see where you have anything to lose by making sure she knows it.

 

Waveseer, while we were seeing each other. There was a week (bout 3 weeks before she broke it off) when I didn't hear from her at all. During this week I felt the urge to email her. In my email I said that I enjoyed our situation and was relaxed about it but would would jump at the chance to go out with her exclusively if she wanted.

 

This prompted the lunch date in which we met up and she said that she didn't want an exclusive relationship.

 

I always got the feeling that telling her stuff like that might scare her off.

 

I guess I'll never know now. I guess I could still do it but that would be my last chance, and would I regret it later knowing that if i just played it cool we might have started hanging out again.

 

I always thought that telling someone things like that when they are confused doesn't help the situation at all.

 

But i'm so confused now. There has been so much advice given to me now that I don't know what advice my own heart is giving me

[iamnot]

I'm gonna be really blunt....

 

She has made it very clear of what her intentions are at the moment. She doesn't want to commit to anyone.

 

If you tell her how you feel again then you open an awkward situation where you may push her away further. She doesn't want to hurt you. And I firmly believe that. And if she's hears how upset you are at not having her as part of your life, then that will hurt her as well as you.

 

If you don't tell her how you feel again, then you're stating that you don't want to be just another guy that she hangs out with and f's every so often.

 

You've already gone NC and told her you don't want to be her friend which, granted, will have upset her, but at least she can respect it, understand it, and there's no risk of her hurting you more which in the long run will make her feel better because she obviously does care about you.

 

If you carry on being friends, you're gonna get upset when she goes out and gets drunk, you'll feel euphoric when you get moments of love and physical contact from her, you'll get upset when she tells you that she's kissed someone else... and so on and so on. It's a rollercoaster! And I've been through it.

 

I'm on day 5 of NC, and I felt like cracking last night, but hearing someone going through what I went through has just re affirmed how I've dealt with my situation. If she wants you, then she will compromise to be with you.

 

If she isn't ready now, and you've just been a friend to her while she sorts her head out, then maybe thats all she'll see you as when it's sorted. You could say to her that when she's ready, you'll be there for her, but I personally, couldn't do the friends thing.

 

This sucks. I'll be honest, I REALLY wanted to contact my ex last night. But it's no good for me. I gotta learn to live without for now.

[waveseer]

SB, don't do anything until you know your own heart and mind on the matter.