sharples2 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I hear you. I got out of a 2 year one last year and I dated a few girls that were complete jokes that I didn't care how it went or what the outcome was. I think just meeting people and making friends will help with getting in the mindset to date. I waited 2 years before I finally found my ex. I was tired of being with girls that I was 75% about. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I would not continue to date someone either, who was still seeing other woman after several dates with me. I agree you should move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammy Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I personally think exclusivity is not too much to ask after 4 dates... seriously, they have been talking for a while now.. it's not like she's asking him to marry her.. I know you can't know someone well in such a short period of time, but you surely feel a level of attraction that makes you want to see them again and think about them a lot - at least I do - and hence if I feel that way for one person, all others pale into insignificance... I have seen with my friends who are currently dating, that they and the guy have decided after 1-2 dates that they're into each other and don't want to see anyone else. I don't like the idea of keeping options open - the only times I have done this and dated multiple people is when I wasn't sure about any one of them - and that always meant I wasn't really into them enough to pursue something long-term. Ammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 He's just not that into me, but he keeps Aiming me to talk. I guess I'm going to stop logging on as much or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammy Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 He's just not that into me, but he keeps Aiming me to talk. I guess I'm going to stop logging on as much or something. Yeah maybe make yourself less available hun. I mean I don't like games, but maybe give it go? When he calls, you can still go out with him again if you feel like it?? It's got to be your decision in the end... No regrets! Ammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaB Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I wouldnt stop talking to him, I would just see how things went for a while. Im feel the same way as several other people on here, just go w/ the flow because 4 dates isnt enough time. I know how you feel though. You just got out of a LTR and your just getting your feet wet again. I just got out of a 6 year relationship and I met a nice guy a month ago and he blew me off. Nothing had even happened between us but some flirting. This kind of thing wouldnt bother most people but it got to me. Im still dealing w/ the loss of my last relationship and the rejection that I felt w/ that. My ex and I were together for 6 years, friends for 8, and we were engaged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 Yeah I guess its the rejection that I hate more than anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I don't know what you're bummed about. After just 4 dates, the last thing you should be doing is asking about exclusivity - and that he responded to your email, rather than freak out, is a good sign. Because for me, if i'd gotten that email after just 4 dates....let's just say I doubt there'd be a fifth. eeehhhhh..... welll....... i don't know. i was dating a guy for a month (about 4-5 dates) and i told him i liked him and didn't want to meet any other men, and he told me the same thing, and then things were good. (until we broke up a few months later). but i agree, in general, the 4-5 date time frame isn't a great time to bring this up because it's too much of a 'loaded question.' it's interesting, i've actually read on some dating advice sites to ask straight up on the first meeting! in a very casual way, 'so, what are you looking for? just curious....' the rationale is that on the first date, a person will have nothing invested in you, and he doesn't know what you want, so he has no reason to mislead you. if you asked him on the first date what he is looking for, and he said something casual, then you would know to move on (if you are looking for something serious). the problem is, like another poster said, some people don't have this discussion until 6-12 months into the relationship! where one person thinks they are in a relationship, and the other one thinks they are 'just kicking it.' !!!!! so..... for myself, in the future, i might just casually ask on the first date what he is searching for. not necessarily with me, just a 'curiosity question' that can help me see where he is at. 4-5 dates.....? well, i do agree with him CoCo, he is just getting to know you and i can see why he isn't ready to choose someone to be exclusive with yet. if you don't want to see him again, i would understand. i might not see him after a lukewarm response like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorpiGal83 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 CoCo, I think he's a nice guy and I think you should still give it a go - but slow and steady. He seems still keen but doesn't want to rush into things, which is a good thing. Let it happen naturally. If you enjoy his company, what have you got to lose by taking it slow and continuing to see him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I would not continue to date someone either, who was still seeing other woman after several dates with me. I agree you should move on. Four is several? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnomex Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Being exclusive with someone after four dates is questionable at best. However, after four or five more dates, its only reasonable to ask him where he sees things going. And if he does not have a resonable answer, its time to let him go. There is nothing worse then building up your expectations about someone and finding out that person is not in the same mind set as yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Four is several? .. Yes. For a man seeking a relationship, IMO he has a pretty good idea by then whether that is someone with whom he wants to pursue a relationship . IMO, no woman should ever feel the need to ask "where this is going". She will know. If you have to actually ask where it's going, chances are it's not going where you want it to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 Ugh he keeps aiming me on aol im...I feel so weird. I don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with those who said your expectations are unrealistic. Now, I wouldn't have sex with him at this point if I were you but I think his response is perfectly reasonable and smart - he wants to get to know you over a period of time before deciding whether to be exclusive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 You were just complaining to me today that you haven't heard from him! Why do you feel weird? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 Honestly I feel weird because his conversation is just so casual, he hardly says anything over AIM...he hardly says anything. He isn't asking me out either. I'm kinda annoyed...loll I don't know why but I am. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 eh, my take is that you shouldn't sign onto AIM. maybe just like 20 minutes a day. that way, he has to pick up the phone and make some effort if he wants to see you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 yeah I guess so. I feel sad because I kinda have a feeling that he wouldn't even call. I don't know why I'm holding on to this....I'm a fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 eh, so i hate instant messaging because a lot of times when i am on the computer i am busy. with work. even sometimes when i am on ENA. i might just have a few minutes and then need to get back to whatever. don't really have time for long chats on MSN unless it's with people who live abroad. then it makes more sense to talk that way vs. phone calls (too expensive!!!!) but a guy who lives in town? blah. he can call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 I know, I just keep trying to tell myself that He Is Just Not That Into You...why do I always get caught up in stupid stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 nah, don't even think that. just figure that it's his turn to call you, and then sign off of AIM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 But I mean it has to be true, here I am being a fool spilling my heart out and he hardly even flinches lol. He doesn't call me, yet I sign on to AIM ...Good lord....I don't know how I always get myself caught up like this...its not even like I have known him that long. Why do I like him so much..how do I stop liking him? It hurts and I think its probably because I feel rejection from all the stuff with my ex and a few other dates I have been rejected on. I try to start over and just be myself but it doesn't seem to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 For example he AIMED me tonight and we talked about funny things we did when we were younger, then he basically said he needed to go to bed. He goes to bed at 8 everynight because he wakes up at like 4am. So we chatted for like 30 minutes and thats it...What the point? I feel bad...I feel lonely too. I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 He has very little to give but he's still giving. I think that says a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 yeah? you think so? hmmm maybe I need to sit back and think a little bit I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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