Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 It's not for every kid, and it's not for every parent. I was spanked, and I needed to be spanked. I needed to have a bit of fear of my parents to keep from being completely out of control. Had I not feared them some, I would have walked all over them and there would have been no way they could control me. I was a very hard child to deal with. I gave my parents a lot of grief. Until you have had an out of control child, you don't understand what that's like and unless someone is beating their kids black and blue, it's not really anyone else's place to judge their parenting style. I'm sure they could look at your parenting style and point out quite a few things that they think you do wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well I do have a difficult child, my son is difficult with his hyperactivity and learning disabilities and I have raised many difficult kids from out of control to those kids who have brain damage from a mother's drug use when they were a fetus. I have seen out of control, I have seen difficult, I have been to the place where you see red and just want to give them what for. I do not do it and I do not believe it is necessary. In what you are describing there are some adults that require this sort of action too but we do not allow that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well I do have a difficult child, my son is difficult with his hyperactivity and learning disabilities and I have raised many difficult kids from out of control to those kids who have brain damage from a mother's drug use when they were a fetus. I have seen out of control, I have seen difficult, I have been to the place where you see red and just want to give them what for. I do not do it and I do not believe it is necessary. In what you are describing there are some adults that requires this sort of action too but we do not allow that. It's still not place to impose your self-righteousness on everyone else and assume they are bad parents because they spank their kids. You feel it's not necessary, others do. No one is criticizing you for NOT spanking your child. It's just a different parenting style and it's what works for you. It's not what works for every parent and kid. You need to understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 It's still not place to impose your self-righteousness on everyone else and assume they are bad parents because they spank their kids. You feel it's not necessary, others do. No one is criticizing you for NOT spanking your child. It's just a different parenting style and it's what works for you. It's not what works for every parent and kid. You need to understand that. I know that and I am not self- righteous, but thanks. I can however comment on what I do not agree with. I never said he was a bad parent. He is the one that threw it out to world and wanted to know what people thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I can tell you that leads to one VERY angry and dissatisfied adult. Nope. I'm not bitter about it. My parents did what they needed to do. They were great parents and I love and respect them and don't fear them as an adult. Any adult that's bitter about spankings they received as a child needs to get over it IMO. Hitting means can not be bothered to figure out any other way to relate to you in this moment so I will hit you and make you do what I want. Many parents have tried other things. Doesn't man something else works for every person. In relationship do you hit your spouse to get your point accross? Why is it different for a kid? A relationship with a spouse is completely different from a relationship with a kid. Your spouse is an adult that is capable of making his or her own decisions. You are responsible for your child. It's not an equal relationship. My mother is very anti corporal punishment. ( she was hit every day as a kid). When I got home that night after the disappearance you can believe my backside almost got tarred and feathered. She was out of her mind with worry and fright and hysterical. It was a life threatening situation. I think I would spank in that instance, but not for normal kid stuff. So you're not completely opposed to spanking. So you don't think it's THAT terrible, do you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 it's not really anyone else's place to judge their parenting style.I agree but neither should the other person impose their ideas on us. There are some people that keep saying it's necessary to spank them to keep them in line or try to preach us on the ''Spare the rod, spoil the kid'' BS. It's like they want to convert us into their ideas then those that don't spank as well... So it's kinda like a fence.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I agree but neither should the other person impose their ideas on us. There are some people that keep saying it's necessary to spank them to keep them in line or try to preach us on the ''Spare the rod, spoil the kid'' BS. It's like they want to convert us into their ideas then those that don't spank as well... So it's kinda like a fence.... For some children, some parents think it is. And no, they shouldn't impose their beliefs on everyone either. For some kids and some parents, it's what works. For others, it doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Nope. I'm not bitter about it. My parents did what they needed to do. They were great parents and I love and respect them and don't fear them as an adult. Any adult that's bitter about spankings they received as a child needs to get over it IMO. Many parents have tried other things. Doesn't man something else works for every person. A relationship with a spouse is completely different from a relationship with a kid. Your spouse is an adult that is capable of making his or her own decisions. You are responsible for your child. It's not an equal relationship. So you're not completely opposed to spanking. So you don't think it's THAT terrible, do you? I said I might be capable of it.........everyone is capable........whether you do it or not is the difference........and of course I think it would be terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Nope. I'm not bitter about it. My parents did what they needed to do. They were great parents and I love and respect them and don't fear them as an adult. Any adult that's bitter about spankings they received as a child needs to get over it IMO. Many parents have tried other things. Doesn't man something else works for every person. A relationship with a spouse is completely different from a relationship with a kid. Your spouse is an adult that is capable of making his or her own decisions. You are responsible for your child. It's not an equal relationship. So you're not completely opposed to spanking. So you don't think it's THAT terrible, do you? Yeah, I think I realise the relationship is not equal, but they are and should be equal human beings. If you do not need to hit adults then that should extrapalate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 [/b] I said I might be capable of it.........everyone is capable........whether you do it or not is the difference........and of course I think it would be terrible. No, you said you think you would do it. Which contradicts everything you said about hitting not being OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 No, you said you think you would do it. Which contradicts everything you said about hitting not being OK.I think she means that no one can predict the future... I don't really know how I would be as a parent but if I had a chose, I think I would decide on not spanking them. Think the only exception for me would be a 3 year old putting his hand on an electric cord (extreme dangerous situations). Other than that, think I would go other ways... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 No, you said you think you would do it. Which contradicts everything you said about hitting not being OK. Everyone is capable and yup in a life and death situation I might.What I am saying IS people who say they would NEVER do it may not be correct. Everyone is capable of anything and everything is a choice. So what I think I would do and what I might actually do are different. Since my son has never done anything life threatening and since he is now becoming a teenager and I do not believe in hitting anyway I am 99.9% sure he is not going to be hit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I think she means that no one can predict the future... I don't really know how I would be as a parent but if I had a chose, I think I would decide on not spanking them. Think the only exception for me would be a 3 year old putting his hand on an electric cord (extreme dangerous situations). Other than that, think I would go other ways... Still all sounds ridiculous to me. You sit here and say how terrible spanking your kids is, but "oh wait, if my kid did THIS, then I would spank them." huh?? so spanking is terrible when everyone else does it, but it's OK for you to do when YOU feel it's appropriate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Still all sounds ridiculous to me. You sit here and say how terrible spanking your kids is, but "oh wait, if my kid did THIS, then I would spank them." huh?? so spanking is terrible when everyone else does it, but it's OK for you to do when YOU feel it's appropriate? I am not saying I would I am saying the possibility is there. If someone was axe murding your family in front of you would you try to kill the person who did it while it was happening. Pretty dang jiffy you probably would. I know I would. Would that still make you a murder? Yup. So that makes you capable of murder and me too. Have we done it? Nope. Have I wacked my kid? Nope. Is there a circumstance where I might? Yup maybe.Does not mean I would though.If I wacked him would it be bad? Yup and I would be the first to admit it.Under 99.9% of circumstances and any I have been faced with ,no I have not. So we can play semantics all day. So you can say I am self-righteous all you like. If caring about kids in the world makes me a bad self-righteous person I really do not care. What I am trying to do it tell people there is a different way. If you want to take offense to it then that is your business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Still all sounds ridiculous to me. You sit here and say how terrible spanking your kids is, but "oh wait, if my kid did THIS, then I would spank them." huh?? so spanking is terrible when everyone else does it, but it's OK for you to do when YOU feel it's appropriate?I'm saying I don't know how I would be as a parent, what part don't you understand of ''I don't know''. I was only saying how I find some situations. I was saying if it was an extemely life-death situation like the one I explained then there is obviously no time to talk to them at that moment. Say a 3 year old is caught trying to put their hands on an electric wire, your primery concern is their life. So you get them out as soon as possible followed by tapped on the hand. I mean you were damn worry they could have die, that's understandable... What is not understadable is if it's not a life-death situation and you do it anyways. But ok, do however it works out for you. If that's your way ok... But keep in mind not all children have the same temperament. I know I would have call the cops right away if I were to have gotten spanked at that age. Fact I have threatened my father on few occassions on that (and I meant it when I said I will call the cops if...), it made me get my point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 OK, so basically what we still have is you don't believe in spanking, others do, you think it's terrible but there are situations where you would do it anyway, but you still tell others they are terrible for doing it. Got it. Done going in circles with you, there's nothing left to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 OK, so basically what we still have is you don't believe in spanking, others do, you think it's terrible but there are situations where you would do it anyway, but you still tell others they are terrible for doing it. Got it. Done going in circles with you, there's nothing left to say. As I am with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Hey thanks for all of your opinions, I put it out there knowing it is a touchy subject that needs to be discussed. I am comfortable with my parenting skills and the outcome. I don't spank my kids out of anger. I think there can be no question of a parents authority, if it takes a swat on the behind to remove any doubt, then thats what it is. As far as me being proud of what I did, I am. I don't try to be someone I'm not and let the pressures of society influence my parenting skills. I respect your decision not to spank your kids, but I hope you are able to maintain some level of disipline. One thing I think we can all agree on is kids thrive in a situation where they have structure, love, and understanding. One thing I have taken from this is my son is probably too old to get spanked. I hope no one was too offended by my position, but I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. With me you will always get the honest answer, you may not always like it, but it will be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I do agree also that it's better to be hate for who you are than love for who you are not. If you're happy with your parenting style Kaiser ok, good for you. Do what works best for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Once again when she kicked our cat for no reason whatsoever. It was walking past her, she grabbed it by the scruff and kicked it in the ribs. I grabbed the scruff of her tshirt, yanked her up and swatted her butt. I explained afterwards that hurting animals makes them not want to play with you, and she apologised to the cat and bought him cat treats out of her pocket money. There's a few things I DO NOT and NEVER WILL condone. Swearing and animal cruelty are on that list. I just have to say that I fail to find the logic in trying to teach a child not to kick an animal by hitting the child. You tell them in the same scenario it's wrong to hurt and animal and then you physically hurt them to get your point accross. Anyone see the hypocrisy in that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Children are also accidentily harmed this way. I know of a child who was given a gentle "boot in the bottom" with the mother's foot according to the mother. The child had a vertebra broken in her back.The mother felt like crap that she had done that.It was not intentional by any means. Remember how small children are and it does not take much to harm them even by accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 My opinion on this, as I once stated in a similar thread is: As a parent, I only want my hands to be associated with comfort and safety for my child. There are so many other options to work with besides spanking as far as discipline goes. I don't really understand the "need" for spanking. I have not hit, and will never hit my son (currently age 2). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 My opinion on this, as I once stated in a similar thread is: As a parent, I only want my hands to be associated with comfort and safety for my child. There are so many other options to work with besides spanking as far as discipline goes. I don't really understand the "need" for spanking. I agree with this 100% and feel the exact same way about my daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 well, im a survivor of the spanking, loved by my parents...great relationship... im fine.... so either way seems to work...depending on the child..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 So let me get this straight, instead of trying to figure out why he got the grades and helping him to do better you decided to hit him instead? I wonder the same. OP, I am not against spanking. However, I believe it should be used in cases where a child has disobeyed, not about things like his grades. I suppose this is a sensitive issue to me, but I would never spank my kids in public. It's the worst thing you could do to a person. I still remember the time my dad made me take my pants and underwear down and spanked me in front of my friends. I can remember every little detail of that day and it still makes me angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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