Kaiser_Soze Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I've gotta say he may be getting too old to spank, that point I can agree with . I feel completely at peace with my descisions disciplining my children. Could it have been handled differently, of coarse. I have had this discussion with him before, its not that he can't do the work its simply laziness. Taking away ipods and xbox can work for some, but it never really impacted my son. I have learned that you can be a lenient parent as long as the boundaries are clear and you are consistant. I refuse to negotiate with my kids. I am the adult, you will respect me, and you will do as I say... period. The trick is to have those boundaries and still create an environment where they feel safe and comfortable talking to you. I have that with my kids. For some to make me sound like I am abusive is just naive. I think many people who don't have kids are against spanking until they have kids. The bottom line is it is my job to raise my children to be compassionate, caring, constructive members of society and if they need a swat on the butt to get them back on track, then thats what it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 There's a difference between "a swat on the butt" and "beating his ass". Which are you actually doing? Respect from fear isn't the best respect to have from a child b/c it's not genuine. I refused to respect my mom for that very reason--b/c she said she was entitled to it even though she made us fear her in order to get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 My mom whooped me. It scared the crap out of me, but it also made me respect her more. Was it out of fear? Yeah. Did I deserve it sometimes? Yeah. gotta agree. i got whippins when i was younger. and i deserved them. if my parents didn't keep me in line to some extent, i would have been completely out of control. "hey you're grounded!" "haha ok!" *sneaks out window* i will probably spank my kids too. not beat them purple, but spank them. im not sensitive enough to let some spankings scar me for life. pffffft. im over it. if people don't wanna spank their kids, it's their business. but more and mroe parents are afraid to these days, and i think it's making kids even more out of control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Compassionate and caring? How compassionate were you when you threatened to beat his ass in front of his friends? You might think you are teaching him something but I'm willing to bet that you are going to end up with a child that is alienated and angry towards you. I have swatted my chidren on their rear ends, I would never hit a child little or big. It makes you look like a complete bully. If you have to dicipline a teenager then you take his cell phone, his tv, his computer, his bike, his hanging out with friends time but you don't beat his ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I used to spank my dog when she was younger. I thought that's how you discipline. When I'd do it, she was so scared. If she did something wrong when I was gone, she would cower in fear when I got home. She'd have this look on her face that broke my heart. I stopped spanking her b/c I love her and I know she feels things, just like I do. I guess I don't see how you can love something with all of your being, the way parents should love their kids, and instill that sort of fear into them and think it's acceptable. It's sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 at the age of 13..a spanking will do nothing..i was spanked when i was little but not for bad grades... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 If I had been spanked at 13 I would have been SO humiliated and insulted I would never have trusted my parents again. Are you worried his grades are a reflection on YOU? You have to remember this is not about you but about your son. Fear and humiliation are poor teaching tools, as someone said the respect you get will not be genuine. The last time a parent spanked me I was 7. The two times I got spanked in my life were the result of life threatening situations where I could have died or another child could have died. Spanking a 13 year old is a bit perverse IMO. I do not believe in corporal punishment however, for ANYONE. Like another person said, bad marks are a cry for attention or help in some area, ie : I need less challenge, I need more challenge, I need attention, I need help whatever it is...........no motivation happens for a reason, laziness is not inherent. It just means you have to step up your game and find out what the issue is and a solution for it. What he learned here was: when I need help do not look for it at home because I will get my a.... beat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 LOL, I recall once when I was 13. My father threatened with that and my reply (not knowing what trouble I would put him in) was ''If you touch me, I'll grab the phone now and call the cops''. LOL, that got my point alright, he threatened me with spanking and I threatened him with calling the cops on him.... Then off course there were a few occassions I did that as well. It makes sense, be cool with me and I'll be cool with you. Then off course came the last, final occasion where I was about to hit him in an heated argument (like many months ago). I was like ''What you gonna do, hit me, if you do I'll damn hit you back, ahead'', then more yelling. He was yelling, so was I. With my mother, on two occassions, I hit her back, making her cry right away. Yes I kinda regret it but what I just couldn't control myself (I was 19 afterall, already big to be swap on the arm). On the first time when I swapped her with an apron leaving a tiny red mark on her neck, I think I was about to slap her when she took steps back and I realize on time what was about to happened and cried in guilt. The second time I could have sworn at some point I was grabbing her a bit hard on both arms, didn't notice I could have knock her to the floor. I then realize the force I had (me being bigger and stronger than her) and let her go. But boy she was damn scare of me, the look on her face... Needless to say I did not cried nor apologize the second but did promised to myself it wouldn't happened again and I would walk away if an argument like that were to occurred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I am going to have to respectfully disagree with many people here. First off I have never "beat" my kids. 2) We are so anylitical as a society that we always want to blame some underlying issue rather than just place the responsibility where it belongs. 3) My kids respect me. Respect only comes from admiration or fear. I have only had to resort to spankings a few times with each child. I know many people would like to believe that any problem can be solved by simply reasoning and negotiating with your child, thats just not the case. That may work with a child that doesn't understand they were doing wrong. At some point as they grow older and more independent they will challenge you and your verbal influence just won't hold the same value as when they were young and impressionable, ask anyone with teenagers, hell think back to when you were a teen. I know I felt like my parents had know idea what they were talking about. The bottom line is if a parent can maintain a clear level of authority with their child, they have more of an impact on the foundation of that child. At the same time, if spanking is your only method of discipline, there also becomes a point when a child becomes numb and resentful. My kids get a lot of affection and attention. I do things with each of them individually in order to bond with them. We dicuss things that are going on in school and in their life in general. They have both demonstrated that they feel comfortable talking to me about ucomfortable topics. The thing is this, if any of you were able to spend time around me and my kids, you would see that whatever we are doing is working. They are great kids and feel comfortable enough to let their personalities shine. The bottom line is the balance I have found works for us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I don't respect anyone I fear. I fear robbers and rapists but I don't respect them. Why should I? They cause pain to others. Respect comes from admiration and LOVE. Spanking doesn't show anything to admire or love, if I were your kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I don't respect anyone I fear. I fear robbers and rapists but I don't respect them. Why should I? They cause pain to others. Respect comes from admiration and LOVE. Spanking doesn't show anything to admire or love, if I were your kid. you never had the fear of disappointment or let down? like disappointing a loved one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I don't respect anyone that were even tryintg threatening gestures at me to get me to listen and obey, the hell with it (I would laugh so hard then go back to the rage mood). Then again I guess it depends on the child. Some are calm while other will rebel againt you, even if you were to spank them. It's kind of base on personality too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 ^ true spankings work for me..i dindt want to get any so i stayed out of trouble..parents spanked my brother and he would laugh in their faces..so they took other things away such as tv/toys blah blah etc that he cared more about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 i used to flex my butt muscles so i couldn't feel it as much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 My mom used spankings as punishment for things I did wrong the first time I did them wrong. I learned right from wrong from a spanking, not words. I don't think that was fair to me as a small child. Yea I feared disappointment from others but I don't think that is the same as respect. Worrying about bad grades didn't make me respect my mom. I did what I could to keep from getting hit. That was the only motivation. That's not the right motivation in my opinion. To the OP: my apologies--i kept quoting and saying "beat his ass" b/c I didn't respond till a good while after I read your OP and for some reason remembered it as "beat" and not "spank". So sorry for quoting that a few times. My opinion still remains the same though, regardless of the word used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I don't respect anyone I fear. I fear robbers and rapists but I don't respect them. Why should I? They cause pain to others. Respect comes from admiration and LOVE. Spanking doesn't show anything to admire or love, if I were your kid. What keeps robbers from robbing and rapists from raping, fear, only fear.. not someone going "Now you know raping that woman was wrong don't you, I'm very disappointed in you now go home and think about what you've done". I'm glad you guys are not in charge of our justice system... I luv yall and respect you, but sometimes I can't help but be frustrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 With all due respect, you brought up the subject. You can't expect everyone to agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Some kids will do things to avoid being spanked, and then they do stuff behind your back anyway. Others are just bold faced do not care and it does not seem to phase them. Other kids drive you to the brink and leave you sorrly tempted. For ME I would rather not use that, I do not know what I would do if my son was like me. When I was 5 I walked away from a day camp and took another child with me and walked to another city and was missing for 14 hours. My mother is very anti corporal punishment. ( she was hit every day as a kid). When I got home that night after the disappearance you can believe my backside almost got tarred and feathered. She was out of her mind with worry and fright and hysterical. It was a life threatening situation. I think I would spank in that instance, but not for normal kid stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skillpadde Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I would argue morals, not fear keep them in their place. And you can't really begin to compare rapists and robbers to a kid getting a bad grade. In the end though it's going to be you who grows up with a son fearing and resenting you for this, and if you want to be the kind of heavy handed parent who refuses to sit down and talk about things, no-one in this thread, or in real life can really stop you. I'm not against spanking, (although in the U.K it is illegal to hit your children and leave a visable mark on them) but there is an age at which is stops being a viable method of discipline. It's not that it's just wrong to do, it's not going to be a viable method in the long-term, and will have more negative impact than positive. But hey, if good grades are worth it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 What keeps robbers from robbing and rapists from raping, fear, only fear.. not someone going "Now you know raping that woman was wrong don't you, I'm very disappointed in you now go home and think about what you've done". I'm glad you guys are not in charge of our justice system... I luv yall and respect you, but sometimes I can't help but be frustrated. Punishment does not deter rapists nor murders.........do you know the statistics on repeat offenders? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yea that's a different story, she was worried that something terrible happened to you and just freak out. Other than that, it's interesting to see how every single person is a whole new world... More more thing, I'm sick of some older people telling us about the older generation and how they got whopped and it worked and complaining about our generation. The past is past, whatever worked in their time might not worked for every single kid now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 My mom used spankings as punishment for things I did wrong the first time I did them wrong. I learned right from wrong from a spanking, not words. I don't think that was fair to me as a small child. Yea I feared disappointment from others but I don't think that is the same as respect. Worrying about bad grades didn't make me respect my mom. I did what I could to keep from getting hit. That was the only motivation. That's not the right motivation in my opinion. To the OP: my apologies--i kept quoting and saying "beat his ass" b/c I didn't respond till a good while after I read your OP and for some reason remembered it as "beat" and not "spank". So sorry for quoting that a few times. My opinion still remains the same though, regardless of the word used. All good, and by reading further on your last post I see why you feel the way you do. The only time I will not try and sit down and talk to my kids first is when they are being disrespectful, which luckily has only happened one time. I'm sorry that you expierenced discipline the way you did. Spanking by itself is not discipline, you have got to follow through with a plan to change the behavior. And I'm sorry but love does not equal respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skillpadde Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Respect needs to be earned, it isn't a right you have as a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamtaro Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 What keeps robbers from robbing and rapists from raping, fear, only fear.. not someone going "Now you know raping that woman was wrong don't you, I'm very disappointed in you now go home and think about what you've done". I'm glad you guys are not in charge of our justice system... I luv yall and respect you, but sometimes I can't help but be frustrated. Oh that's just great. So are you saying that if there were no repercussions you would rape, steal and murder all day long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Respect needs to be earned, it isn't a right you have as a parent. Very much agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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