christinesee Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 Meet him in a public place for coffee during the day -- do not go in his car or let him go in your car or in any car where you are. Plan to meet for an hour. Do not leave your drink unattended at any time, even to use the ladie's room. If it goes well, and he is going to be in town the next day (he should not know where you live and you should not go to his hotel) then you can meet him again for a meal, preferably during the day, same safety precautions. I would not have sex be a topic of discussion for this meeting. If the meeting go well then you can plan another in public date or dates just like any normal couple. Well it looks like I was following the correct path here, because these are all things that I would make sure never happen. I thank you Batya for your help and support. Stayin safe is number one in my book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Well it looks like I was following the correct path here, because these are all things that I would make sure never happen. I thank you Batya for your help and support. Stayin safe is number one in my book. OK, but that is not what you wrote above about potentially having intercourse with him the first time you meet if you are sexually attracted to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midnightrambler Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 . I know that sex is on his mind as he has shared that with me.. and is real into me. Now, I guess my question is.. Would a guy make that long of a drive only for sex? and to see Bruce Springsteen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 OK, but that is not what you wrote above about potentially having intercourse with him the first time you meet if you are sexually attracted to him. Well there is a chance for that I guess, but I've come to the conclusion that it's a chance I'd rather not take. Thanks for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 Update. Well it appears I will not be meeting this one. With only 11 days to go, he has backed out. Told me it's a funding issue.. and I believe him. I guess I'll leave it at that. Another one bits the dust! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Update. Well it appears I will not be meeting this one. With only 11 days to go, he has backed out. Told me it's a funding issue.. and I believe him. I guess I'll leave it at that. Another one bits the dust! Sounds like it was for the best given the distance. I had several experiences of canceled plans to meet in person -- it was mildly disappointing but I rarely had any emotional attachment prior to meeting in person (and in the rare times I did I kept a cool head about the whole thing and reminded myself that I was meting a stranger for all practical purposes.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 At least he had the decency to let you know, rather than just disappear. 10 hours is a long distance and an expensive distance I would imagine, so he's likely telling the truth that it's a funding issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 At least he had the decency to let you know, rather than just disappear. 10 hours is a long distance and an expensive distance I would imagine, so he's likely telling the truth that it's a funding issue. LOL. Your right! At least he did not just vanish on me like the last one did. I do believe him when he says it's an issue with money. I know right now things are not so great for him in that dept. But, I got to thinking that if that's the case do I really want to be involved with him? Plus the fact that he is so very young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 LOL. Your right! At least he did not just vanish on me like the last one did. I do believe him when he says it's an issue with money. I know right now things are not so great for him in that dept. But, I got to thinking that if that's the case do I really want to be involved with him? Plus the fact that he is so very young. When did you first know about the money issue? Your first post seemed very enthusiastic about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 When did you first know about the money issue? Your first post seemed very enthusiastic about him. Well, I could always sort of tell he does not have much at the moment.. becuase he is still in school. And it did not really bother me unitl I thought how we are both at such diff points in our lives. I have been through marriage, having children owning a home, owning a second home and he has not done any of these things in life yet. So, I guess now I sort of don't find him as attractive as I did. I'm not trying to sound like a snob, just beign honest about my feelings. Also, the distance is just to far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Uhm, how young I know that when I met the guy Im currently involved with online, we didnt meet for a long time and financial reasons was one reason. We still have the same problem. I was never turned off and because financially he wasnt and isn't well off. I mean it's him I like, not how large or empty his wallet may be, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Uhm, how young I know that when I met the guy Im currently involved with online, we didnt meet for a long time and financial reasons was one reason. We still have the same problem. I was never turned off and because financially he wasnt and isn't well off. I mean it's him I like, not how large or empty his wallet may be, lol. 10 years younger. I see what your saying here, but I have 3 kids. And I'm not sure also, that he would be the best role model for them. Bottom line here. He's just to young and our lives are far to diffrent. I'm thinking now that I sort of fell into crush mode with him. And it was not even close to the same type of feelings I had for my vanishing guy, with him I fell madly in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 It sounds like it makes you feel better to find flaws now that he has decided not to meet. That's ok but sometimes it's better to just feel the ego bruise (my guess is that you don't buy that it's all about the lack of funds) and to know it's ok if a near stranger changes his mind about meeting in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 It sounds like it makes you feel better to find flaws now that he has decided not to meet. That's ok but sometimes it's better to just feel the ego bruise (my guess is that you don't buy that it's all about the lack of funds) and to know it's ok if a near stranger changes his mind about meeting in person. Nope! Not trying to find flaws here. Just woke up to the fact that he is to young for me. It was bugging me all along even though I found him very attractive, smart and caring. I kept thinking about how IMO a whole decade makes a huge diff when it comes to long term compatibility. So, as excited as I was..guess I was more or less in one big infatuation cloud, that has now lifted and made me realize my true feelings. I'm shocked that you think this is all because he could not meet at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Nope! Not trying to find flaws here. Just woke up to the fact that he is to young for me. It was bugging me all along even though I found him very attractive, smart and caring. I kept thinking about how IMO a whole decade makes a huge diff when it comes to long term compatibility. So, as excited as I was..guess I was more or less in one big infatuation cloud, that has now lifted and made me realize my true feelings. I'm shocked that you think this is all because he could not meet at this time. Why shocked? As soon as he decided not to meet you (for whatever reason) you only then focused on his flaws - the timing seemed to suggest what I wrote, that is all. My friend who is 42 just celebrated her one year wedding anniversary with her 31 year old husband -- they met 4 years ago -- and are very compatible -- so I can see where you originally thought that the age difference would not be an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I think that we can sometimes look to flaws and when we are let down or hurt. I know I've tried to convince myself that he wasn't that good of a 'catch' anyway and when I've been let down. But if I'd really thought he wasn't, why would I have got involved with him in the first place?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Nah..I believe such things just burst the bubble. I am like that. Some weird thing might happen and as a result make me completely change my mind. It's like a switch inside of me. I have my own set of principles and demands which I wish a person who is important to me has and respects too. So sometimes something that might seem insignificant happens and it's like the light has been turned on suddenly and my view of the situation completely changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for all the replys here. You all make sense. Case in point.. My heart just was not in it. I was not feeling that deep connection. It was a nice connection and he is great, But why lead the guy on? We are still onlines pals and will remain that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Dont think anyone was asking you to lead him on.... Just seems to me that if people can turn off their feelings 'that' quickly, there wasnt much there to start with. So if there wasnt much there to start with, why say you'd meet in the first place?.. I couldnt meet any guy I was only half interested in. Anyway, I guess people are different at end of day and we all 'tick' differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 Dont think anyone was asking you to lead him on.... Just seems to me that if people can turn off their feelings 'that' quickly, there wasnt much there to start with. So if there wasnt much there to start with, why say you'd meet in the first place?.. I couldnt meet any guy I was only half interested in. Anyway, I guess people are different at end of day and we all 'tick' differently. Right. I guess there was not much there to start. Just saw the light on this one a little quicker than other potential R's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Right. I guess there was not much there to start. Just saw the light on this one a little quicker than other potential R's. Right. So how could you possibly have entertained the thought of sleeping with a guy, for whom you weren't really feeling it for? LOL...am just winding you up. We could go around and forever asking and questioning and yeah, guess I can understand the liking someone and then being turned off by things. I mean if that didnt happen, relationships would last forever, nobody would break up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Right. So how could you possibly have entertained the thought of sleeping with a guy, for whom you weren't really feeling it for? LOL...am just winding you up. We could go around and forever asking and questioning and yeah, guess I can understand the liking someone and then being turned off by things. I mean if that didnt happen, relationships would last forever, nobody would break up. LOL. No need to go round and round here. How could I entertain the thought? Easy.. he's freakin hot...lol But. I'm plenty mature enough to realize it's not a good reason to want to bag someone. For me there needs to be more to it and it's just not there. I don't know what I was thinking.. I probably was not thinking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I think that we can sometimes look to flaws and when we are let down or hurt. I know I've tried to convince myself that he wasn't that good of a 'catch' anyway and when I've been let down. But if I'd really thought he wasn't, why would I have got involved with him in the first place?? Yes, that was my point. OP - if you realize you probably weren't thinking when you agreed to meet this guy, maybe reconsider meeting people through on line sites - it takes a lot of careful thinking and acting on those thoughts (rather than lust) to do it safely. At least if you meet someone through friends they come with references or at least more than a complete stranger (meaning a stranger for safety purposes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Yes, that was my point. OP - if you realize you probably weren't thinking when you agreed to meet this guy, maybe reconsider meeting people through on line sites - it takes a lot of careful thinking and acting on those thoughts (rather than lust) to do it safely. At least if you meet someone through friends they come with references or at least more than a complete stranger (meaning a stranger for safety purposes).[/QUOTE] All I can say here Batya33 is that I agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinesee Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Yes, that was my point. OP - if you realize you probably weren't thinking when you agreed to meet this guy, maybe reconsider meeting people through on line sites - it takes a lot of careful thinking and acting on those thoughts (rather than lust) to do it safely. At least if you meet someone through friends they come with references or at least more than a complete stranger (meaning a stranger for safety purposes).[/QUOTE] All I can say here Batya33 is that I agree with you. Now imagine that? lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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