~*~*poll: Have you ever cheated? ~*~*

[jengh]

Female-yes, but I was young and dumb. I would NEVER again. By young, I mean 15 and it wasn't sex.

[Anonybrit]

Female:

 

Never have, never will.

 

I think cheaters are the lowest of the low. I would never resort to that level.

 

Agreed, it's one of the single worst things you can do to another human being emotionally. There is never any excuse, EVER.

 

If you want to sleep with someone else, leave the relationship or get permission.

[piegirl]

No I have never cheated.

 

I feel that if my relationship is to the point of even seriously thinking about cheating then I need to end it. If I am wanting to be with someone else then the person that I am with deserves the repect of being let go before I cause the type of hurt that being cheated on can cause.

[longdist]

male - yes (nothing physical, but did discuss interest in the person and subsequently ended things)

[Ac143]

female - no

[Lucius]

Male - No

 

Never have and never will. I would always end a relationship before resorting to infidelity.

[Sn0man]

Well OP - it would seem you are correct in assuming that the replies you get here would be biased.

 

Given enough time, most everyone will say that, yes, they have cheated, at least once. It happens. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a person.

 

To you self-richeous people who say they never have and never will: Say that again in 10 years and I will believe you. Before that, not a chance.

 

I cheated once. Only once. Never forgave myself, not to this day. Yet had you asked me before then if I would ever do so, my answer would surely be "never, never ever."

[Lucius]

To you self-richeous people who say they never have and never will: Say that again in 10 years and I will believe you. Before that, not a chance.

 

It doesn't make me self-righteous to feel certain of my boundaries. You may think me naive, but 'self-righteous'? That's defensiveness, nothing more.

 

It is ironic that you claim my assertion (and assertions like mine) to be self righteous - when I was judging no-one but myself - while your very act of labeling (of me and others like me) indicates the very smug knowingness that you would deride in others.

 

I will let you speak for you, without questioning your self-knowledge. I would ask the same courtesy. I won't expect it, but I will ask it.

[Sn0man]

It doesn't make me self-righteous to feel certain of my boundaries. You may think me naive, but 'self-righteous'? That's defensiveness, nothing more.

 

It is ironic that you claim my assertion (and assertions like mine) to be self righteous - when I was judging no-one but myself - while your very act of labeling (of me and others like me) indicates the very smug knowingness that you would deride in others.

 

I will let you speak for you, without questioning your self-knowledge. I would ask the same courtesy. I won't expect it, but I will ask it.

 

My response was a response to the sum of the responses - and that you should assume I speak only of you is presumptuous.

 

And your command of the english language is impressive.

[Lucius]

My response was a response to the sum of the responses - and that you should assume I speak only of you is presumptuous.

 

I did not assume that you spoke only of me - that is why I included such lines as "me and others like me", and "assertions like mine". Given that I was the poster preceding you, and that my comment was one (among several) that you labeled as self-righteous, it is in no way presumptuous to defend my position. Indeed, it is both logical and fair.

 

But I see you ignored my point entirely.

[Sn0man]

 

But I see you ignored my point entirely.

Not at all.

 

You may think me naive

It is ironic that you claim my assertion

 

While following such with this:

I will let you speak for you, without questioning your self-knowledge. I would ask the same courtesy. I won't expect it, but I will ask it.

[Lucius]

That's the thing about communication with strangers; you cannot predict what level of debate/discussion you will get before you dive in, nor whether the ensuing exchange will be worth pursuit. I mean no offense when I say that this is not. It is not my wish to chase my tail and call it dialogue. I have no issue with you, Sn0man. I'm sure you're a good guy. I just mislike baseless insinuations - with about the same passion as I weary of futile argument.

 

To those who claim (or feel) that it's self-righteous to believe one will never cheat, I say only this: is it possible that you treat infidelity as essentially inevitable only because it lessens the guilt of your own transgression(s)? Here's news: it isn't inevitable. It doesn't just happen. Like all things, it is a choice.

 

No-where did I claim that those who have cheated ought to be shunned. As Sn0man allowed, people who cheat aren't "bad" guys/girls; they're just people. Human, like everyone else. But that doesn't make infidelity inevitable, anymore than self-knowledge (and it's expression) equates self-righteousness.

 

My (final) two cents...

[Sn0man]

An excellent point. However, the answer is no.

 

I base my opinion on the fact that i've been there and done that. On that most everyone I know has been there and done that. On that it is human nature to have been there and done that.

 

Does that necessarily mean that everyone will go there and do that? Of course not. There are exceptions to every rule.

 

However, in mine, and indeed most peoples' experience, cheating will, at some point in their lives, take place. Therefore my response stands.

[kirbkirb]

Female- yes

[Scorpion Fury]

Female- No.

 

Why didn't you make this a poll?

[yeawutever]

Why didn't you make this a poll?

The poster is not a platinum member...

[Scorpion Fury]

The poster is not a platinum member...

 

you have to be a platinum member to make a poll? weird.

[bear314]

Male - Nope, always commit to whomever I take on. Unless maybe it was for revenge

[Scorpion Fury]

Male - Nope, always commit to whomever I take on. Unless maybe it was for revenge

 

there's some wise quote about revenge and poison i was gonna recite but i can't remember what it is.

 

anything i did after finding out wouldn't be cheating. i'd be instantly single

[longdist]

It doesn't make me self-righteous to feel certain of my boundaries. You may think me naive, but 'self-righteous'? That's defensiveness, nothing more.

 

I don't know if naive is the right word either, but using words like never or always is absolute and should not be used when referring to things in the future. You don't know what will happen in the future, even if what happens is your choice. In addition, there are various degrees of cheating, not necessarily meaning that you have to sleep with someone. You don't always know how you will react in every circumstance until you experience it. I don't think it is ever anyone's plan to cheat.

[Lala_land]

Commited relationship

 

Female - Cheated, twice.

[faithful14]

Female- NO and I would never do it to someone I loved

[Lucius]

I don't know if naive is the right word either, but using words like never or always is absolute and should not be used when referring to things in the future. You don't know what will happen in the future, even if what happens is your choice.

 

Respectfully, we will have to agree to disagree.

 

I believe that I can indeed know what my own boundaries are - and how these will impact upon future decisions. The future (in abstract) is never certain, no, but some things we can know - if we know ourselves. I'm sure that most people would comfortably claim that they would never become a murderer, or that they would never beat their wife. These too are absolutes, and yet rare is the person who would contest such assertions. For me, cheating is repugnant. It's right up there as a behaviour I want no part of. I know this about myself, and that knowledge guides my actions. Being a committed, faithful partner is something that I take pride in and identify with. I have been tested numerous times already in my life and relationships, and have never once wavered on that front. Not because I'm superhuman or any more moral than the next person; but because I know my own limits and stay true to them.

 

If ever a time comes that I want to be with someone other than my partner badly enough to act on it, I will man the heck up and leave. Cheating is simply not an option I allow myself. The randomness of the future does not force our hand - it can only ever influence our actions.

[longdist]

Fair enough Lucius. However, I still think circumstances can sometimes take you by surprise. Let's say you meet someone else, while in a relationship, and have all intentions to be friends with this other person, nothing more. Then you end up talking a fair amount b/c you like conversation with this person, but then you find out they're interested in you. You begin to wonder if you have any feelings because you do enjoy talking to them. Is talking to this person not a degree of cheating, even if you end it there? You don't think that is ever possible? As for murder, what happens if your life is threatened and someone is about to murder you? You have the opportunity to defend yourself and in doing so you accidentally kill them instead of injuring them like you intended? Another option: what if you are driving, begin to fall asleep at the wheel, hitting someone, thus killing them on impact? Can you guarantee you will never murder someone? We can have all of the best intentions in the world, but personal limits are not real limits. There is no physical barrier to stop things from happening. You can stay true to your limits 99% of the time, but that doesn't mean that something will never or always happen. That's just my 2 cents. I think we can agree that cheating is repugnant and that we have the best intentions.

[Lucius]

Let's say you meet someone else, while in a relationship, and have all intentions to be friends with this other person, nothing more. Then you end up talking a fair amount b/c you like conversation with this person, but then you find out they're interested in you. You begin to wonder if you have any feelings because you do enjoy talking to them. Is talking to this person not a degree of cheating, even if you end it there?

 

I certainly would not consider that cheating, no. It is not unfaithful to wonder if you have feelings for someone - not by my standards, at any rate. What would be unfaithful in that scenario would be to wonder about it, realize that non-platonic feelings were there, and to continue to put myself in a situation where those feelings could develop. In reality, were that situation one I was confronted with, I'd talk about my feelings with my partner - as I always do. Again, it's not unfaithful to simply wonder, for the first time, whether you might have feelings for a person; it's all about how you handle the answer to that query. IMO.

 

I get your point, and I do respect it. We can argue all day about whether or not a person might commit murder, but I assure you - I can keeping making those absolutes increasingly abhorrent until even you (I imagine) would agree you'd never do it. Rape? Pedophilia? There will come a point in such an admittedly silly conversation where you will (I imagine) claim "I'd never do that." What is that, if not self-knowledge? What is that, if not thumbing your nose at the potentialities of fate, and making a bold claim? For me, that line is perhaps a little closer; a little less dramatic.

 

But again, I do respect your point.