bebeblondie Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 I think we can all come to a consensus that if you sleep with a guy before you are in a committed relationship, you have to be prepared for the possibility that he might bail. Therefore I think it's safe to say that if you get emotionally attached to someone after sleeping with them it is best to save the sex for when you are in a committed relationship. And yes I know that if you are in a committed relationship it is not a guarantee that he won't leave you either. Just for the record I do not have a problem having sex prior to being in a committed relationship, but to each his own and I can definitely see both sides of the coin here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Yes..but explain that to the many many posters on this forum who sleep with a guy before being in a committed relationship and then scream blue bloody murder because the guy stopped calling them, blew them off or used them as an FBuddy and then dumped them to go into a real relationship with someone else. Amen...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HighRoad Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Yes..but explain that to the many many posters on this forum who sleep with a guy before being in a committed relationship and then scream blue bloody murder because the guy stopped calling them, blew them off or used them as an FBuddy and then dumped them to go into a real relationship with someone else. Heh, heh! I don't think that is fair. Think of it like this: if you had a friend who you were getting to know and then one day this new friend suddenly ditched you after having come over for dinner or you shared some expensive opera tickets with them. Something expensive and valuable, or even spent some time with you doing something incredibly intimate that you really love. A hobby or something special. Wouldn't you also be justified in being angry with them to just 'dump' you? It's not just the sex part that is hurting, it's the loss of the intimacy you were bulding, and that this person was one day your friend and then - one day 'not there.' It's rude no matter who you are. Period. It's defintiely not just the sex, I would/have felt the same way when a female friend 'disappeared' without a comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 The flaw in that example is assuming that intercourse has value or is special to everyone. To some people it is a physical act of release, similar to, ahem, using the bathroom, to others it is a way of expressing love reserved for committed relationships, and then there are other feelings about it accross the spectrum. Also, a person who decides to have sex on the first date often is friendlier with his or her socks than his or her sex partner. Same after only a few dates. I think it's fine not to call someone after a first or second date if you're not interested in a third date, whether or not intercourse was involved - doesn't change it a bit assuming that there were no promises made to call afterwards or no specific time/place plan for another date. If there were it is jerky to break that promise, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 What defines "so early on"? Do you mean before it is established that they're in an exclusive relationship? After a couple of dates? I'd say after only a couple of dates and before there is exclusivity. Of course the couple might decide on the first date to have sex and agree to be monogamous sexually but to me that's not the same as an exclusive relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HighRoad Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Once again, we come back to the old question of: did someone lie in order to get sex? was there deceit on the part of one person in order to get sex, that they knew the other person would not willingly give up if they knew the truth? Once again, the question is: has deceit been used to get something that would not willingly have been given. It is the same as a friendship, unless the friend is just lying in order to get the tickets, or whatever. A casual dating situation, meh, then no one is really invested. One date - no one cares. But when someone has carefully cultivated what appears to be a developing relationship with what has been desgined to look like the appearance of 'I am here for you,' but only turns out to be 'hey, thanks for the sex, see yah!' ok - that is going to hurt. Once again, the issue is: is someone being dishonest, tricking someone else into giving up what they do not want to give up. That my friends, is sh!tty behavior no matter how you slice it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 In my experience girls are on their period the first night I meet them... After a week, then the sexing can begin If you're really, really attracted to each other then keeping clothes on for very long shouldn't be an option. ...but red week is one of the best times to have sex... At least it was with my ex. No condoms, no BC, never had a problem. Skip the first day or so, then after that, it's 3-5 days of bliss...and showers afterwards!! Some girls can get pregnant on their period, so it isn't universal. It also supposedly has benefits for relieving some side effects or the period, supposedly, but I'm not a girl so I wouldn't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Unless both people agree to be exclusive before having sex then I don't think expectations of a more serious relationship or exclusivity after sex are at all realistic and it's not fair to call the other person a jerk because he/she decides not to continue seeing the other person. Otherwise you have women (usually) being thought of as not responsible for their own behaviors and needed to be protected from themselves by men. Yes, usually it's the woman with the expectations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 There's also the problem of assumptions being made about what the other is feeling and where the relationship is. And as others have so well put, not everybody feels the sames things about sex anymore at this point in life. end result, one things they're over the moon, the other is looking over the moon enjoying the view...and leaving for Uranus just as soon as the sun comes up, if even that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 If a guy openly and honestly says to a girl "hey look.. i am being honest. i just want to have sex with you. i do not want anything else to do with you" she is mostly likely to not only turn him down but also scorn him. So I do not think being direct would work. Not that I am advocating that men should lie and cheat to get sex but I am just wondering how many straight forward approaches actually work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HighRoad Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 If a guy openly and honestly says to a girl "hey look.. i am being honest. i just want to have sex with you. i do not want anything else to do with you" she is mostly likely to not only turn him down but also scorn him. So I do not think being direct would work. Not that I am advocating that men should lie and cheat to get sex but I am just wondering how many straight forward approaches actually work. But that's the whole point, people do lie and that is the crux of what I am saying. Blaming a woman for being upset that a man led her on and lied to her - well, I am not sure I see that I understand how you can say that. Unless you are saying that it is ok to lie or do whatever it takes to just get some a$$. Who wouldn't be uspet if they were lied to - no matter what the relationship. If my co-worker lied to me about something important that I was let to believe I could trust them with, then I would equally feel angry or upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 But that's the whole point, people do lie and that is the crux of what I am saying. Blaming a woman for being upset that a man led her on and lied to her - well, I am not sure I see that I understand how you can say that. Unless you are saying that it is ok to lie or do whatever it takes to just get some a$$. Who wouldn't be uspet if they were lied to - no matter what the relationship. If my co-worker lied to me about something important that I was let to believe I could trust them with, then I would equally feel angry or upset. I am not saying that it is okay to lie and lead women on in order to get sex. I am just wondering what will happen if a guy openly tells he only wants sex from a woman (instead of lying to get some). This direct approach also will most likely offend the woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 But that's the whole point, people do lie and that is the crux of what I am saying. Blaming a woman for being upset that a man led her on and lied to her - well, I am not sure I see that I understand how you can say that. Unless you are saying that it is ok to lie or do whatever it takes to just get some a$$. Who wouldn't be uspet if they were lied to - no matter what the relationship. If my co-worker lied to me about something important that I was let to believe I could trust them with, then I would equally feel angry or upset. Most of the women who have cried foul after their casual sex partner disappeared were not at all lied to..they knew the score...they knew that they were not in a committed relationship and that it was early days. In fact, many of them, while ready for sex with the guy, did not feel they were comfortable enough with the guy to call them or initiate dates or ask whether or not the guy was interested in an official relationship. In other words, they felt it was too early to show interest in initiating contact but not too early for sex...so they went in there with their eyes wide open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Most of the women who have cried foul after their casual sex partner disappeared were not at all lied to..they knew the score...they knew that they were not in a committed relationship and that it was early days. In fact, many of them, while ready for sex with the guy, did not feel they were comfortable enough with the guy to call them or initiate dates or ask whether or not the guy was interested in an official relationship. In other words, they felt it was too early to show interest in initiating contact but not too early for sex...so they went in there with their eyes wide open. I agree. I don't think a man or woman needs to say "this is just sex" - but they can't say that they want an exclusive relationship if they don't intend to have one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 The problem is, one person assumes or hopes that after sex the other will be hook-line-sinker like they are themselves...even though there is nothing on the table that suggests otehrwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I don't get where all this "if I have sex with him he will drop me" comes from. I know I wouldn't leave a girl for having sex with me early on. I think its a hot guy thing. Hot guys with skills can get girls to have sex with them. So if you give it up to mr hot n sexy early on, he got what he wanted and can go on to the next girl. But for us average and below folks, we can't just go around dropping girls like hats and used condoms. And of course every girl believes it to be true that a guy will drop them, because its the hot guys who get all the sex anyways, or so it seems. But what is worse? Hot guy shagging you and leaving? Or guy who can't get action, shagging you and sticking around because he can't just go leaving you because he won't be getting anymore from anywhere else for a long time? I tend to think the latter. Women like men who are desired. Not to say, that if I could I would just sleep around as much as possible. But if I were a sexy beast, I don't know what I would do. If I could just get laid so easily as some guys do, I would probably drop a girl as soon as she has sex with me too. I mean, I really only get with girls that I like. And I wouldn't leave a girl I like even if I was a hot guy. But a hot guy can get sex from girls he doesn't really like also. So you give it up and he leaves you cause he never really liked you anyways. Maybe I just have a hidden agenda against hot guys? lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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