RougeQueen Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm going to tentatively say that so far today is going alright. I've had moments of sadness but they've passed relatively quickly. Over the last 3 days I've unblocked you from my phone around 6 times in moments of weakness, stupidly hoping that you might contact me. I guess I was seeking validation of some sort that I wasn't so easily tossed away. However, after thinking about it I reblocked you, realizing that I actually didn't want to hear from you after all. There's nothing for us to say to each other that would in any way be productive. You're betrayal(s) are just too huge to overlook. Thinking about contact from you makes me physically ill. Thus, I've had you blocked for over a solid 12 hours and there's no sign of wavering on that decision. Go me. I see you now. I finally see YOU. Not the facsimile of the man you portrayed, the actual you. And the actual you has come up wanting in all areas of personality, decency, and morality. You may be good looking but you have nothing else to recommend you. You're a cardboard cut out of a human being. One dimensional and somewhat creepy. I never told you that my family always thought there was something a little off about you. My brother and cousins said they thought you were weird and creepy. At the time I just laughed and waved it off thinking that they just didn't know you like I did. Apparently they knew you better than I ever did after just one meeting. In hindsight I should've taken heed of my family's cautious warnings about you. Now I know better. My heart will follow my mind in this eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSB Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Beinf stuck inside in the cold is making me miss you and cuddling. I want to scream bc I miss you so much. Hoping this feeling passes soon. Tmrw is valentines day and for some reason even though I've never been interested in this holiday I find myself being upset about it. I wish I could hear your voice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jphcbpa Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 taking my mom out to dinner for VDAY, moving into my new place, starting over/fresh. I surrendered you to God and wish you all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kodiakvance Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Totally wish you were still in my life in a meaningful way. " A Man said the universe, "I exist"". It's been far to long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I wish you still loved me and wanted me around. I thought about you a lot today. But you don't even care a tiny bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ani87 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 No reply from you.. Nothing. I guess you are doing NC. I know you are with someone sleeping with them tonight... it hurts. It would hurt more knowing for sure. Maybe I need to know. Maybe i just need to forget. I remember last V Day with you.. I made you a card... we made love and spent the night together. We were one. Now we are nothing and it hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bison67 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Well its valentines day, and i was gonna make it special and its to bad you never gave me that opprotunity, i know your stalking my twitter page which is the last source of info you have of me, i still love you very much and wish you nothing but the best and happiness in the end. Im dissapointed that i never will be the man to show you how much i love you ever again, i hope the next guy treats your like you deserve ,doesnt take you for granted, makes your feel beautiful, and makes you feel like the only women on the planet. Well happy valentines day, im feeling very lonely today and would do nothing more then to hold you right now, but that wont happen, so i need to keep moving forward, living my life, improving myself, and one day the "one" will fall into my life, i thought that was you but i guess not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twidom Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 It's been a week since I've been dreaming with you. Enough if this for Christ Sake PLEASE get the hell out of my head... I'm sick of missing you even during my sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RougeQueen Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Welp, it's V day, and guess what? I have a date, you're still blocked, and I went to my first counseling session and straightened out a lot of things in my head. I actually cried there too. I guess I just needed someone to give me the permission that I couldn't give myself. And I'm not talking a few tears and a whimper. I'm talking full on body convulsions, snot, and a tsunami of water works. It was cathartic. I haven't really thought about what what you'll you being doing yet today. It doesn't really matter. Either you're stuck working or you'll spend it with her. Neither of which effect my life even slightly. This morning I thought about contacting this other woman and telling her everything on the off chance she was unaware of what had happened behind her back and mine, but I scrapped that idea after about 15 minutes of hard thought. What would be the point? Chances are she wouldn't believe me because you would skillfully lie you're way out of it, or if she did believe me, what then? She'd either leave you and you would retaliate on me or she would make the monumental mistake of forgiving you and begin the same cycle that I just got out of and you'd still seek retribution. Neither scenario results in me feeling better or anything positive for anyone getting accomplished. Unfortunately, she'll just have to find out who you really are on her own. God help her if she's innocent. And if she's not...well, there's a saying about sleeping in the bed you've made and something about just desserts. My therapist has agreed that you have sociopathic tendencies and that at your age you will not change. Especially since your pattern of behavior in relationships over the last decade have been pretty much identical through and through. Either you will do what you did to me and your ex wife to this new girl or you will have it done back to you. Sometimes, at my lowest, I wish it could be me that destroys your ego one day, but then I smarten up and realize that that would just bring me right down to your level. No thank you, I don't like rolling in sewers. I still have a ways to go till I'm free of this but I can feel things changing in me already. I know the anger and hurt will come back again and again for awhile, but they will gradually become nothing more than an echo of what they are now. So, in closing, my life is going to move forward while you stay in the same rut you've been in for years. Happy V day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardboardo Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'm in so much pain right now. I want more than anything to say "I love you" or "I miss you" to you right now. While I know you didn't want to break up either I wish you would show a little of these feelings to me. I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your lover. I would give up anything right now to just spend the rest of the day holding you and talking to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 A colleague asked if I had a partner and I said no. She then asked my age and winced when I told her 28. All I could hear in my head was 'unmarried woman, no kids, failure'. What century am I living in?! Smug b****. Not really to you, ex! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RougeQueen Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 A colleague asked if I had a partner and I said no. She then asked my age and winced when I told her 28. All I could hear in my head was 'unmarried woman, no kids, failure'. What century am I living in?! Smug b****. Not really to you, ex! Ugh. I get so irritated when people do that. Since when is marriage and children the only thing a woman can aspire to? I look at it this way: the only reason I'm still single and pushing up on 30 is because I haven't found the right man and I refuse to settle just to add to the white picket fence and 2.5 children statistic. Besides, there's so much more to life than just a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazyillusions Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I'm trying my best to stop missing you, it's just really not working. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mulder68 Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I'm am idiot. I emailed you yesterday and asked 'why?' Again! Of course no answer, I don't exist in your eyes. I wish you would disappear, stop contacting our friends, they think you are a b*stard too but are too polite to tell you. I hope you are hurting because she won't take you back, if she does I hope you are as miserable as before. I hope you miss the fire service, I am lucky I am still here living the passion we shared every day. I know you know I won an award 'the complete firefighter' you couldn't even drop me a text to say congratulations. Today, I've promised myself' is the day I let go. So goodbye Jake, I'm a nice enough person but I hope you die a sad lonely old man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
korben Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Weekends are the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kz91 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I still remember how your hugs felt and I can't forget how your lips felt on mine. But soon I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSB Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Weekends are the worst. so true... It's torturous ! I need to plan to do more things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimboboy Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Well it's been 52 days of NC today. And I just want to tell you I miss you, but I also hate you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I knew in my heart that you had met someone new. I know this sounds crazy but I knew because I kept dreaming about you and another person. I am insanely hurt and jealous and ripped apart. I feel possessive over you it's insane. I don't know what to tell myself to make it better. I'm feeling a lot of pain and anger. Do you love her more than me? You have now been with another woman. What is she like compared to me? Is she the one? Does she have the X-factor you so bluntly told me I was missing. Is she younger than me? Will you both go to Paul and Lesleys wedding as a couple? Does she love the birds? Does Mango like her? Does Marvin? Does she cuddle them? Does she stroke your skin and find it soft? Does she hid your glasses for fun? Does she get on with your sister? Is she Irish? Do you call her smo? Was that just my name? Does she buy you the computer games of your youth? Does she buy you a red blood cell and call it Haemish? Is she friends with Maz? Is she friends with Simon? Is she successful? Is she normal? Is she mad? Is she a depressive? Does she make you so much happier than I ever could? Does she curl up with you and watch Hitcock movies? Does she fall asleep at night with her head resting on your right arm with your arms curled around her? Does she make you happy? Is she a better person than me? Is she more popular? More sporty? Is she everything you ever dreamed of? Will you marry her after a few years and not me after many? I didn't want to know. I was meant to move on and find out later when I was comfortable in my own relationship. I am eternally jealous of you and how well you are doing. I really am. You win. I am heartbroken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 And I have to work tomorrow and I can't sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 We'd probably get on really well. Hope the delayed ejaculation thing isn't still a problem! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazyillusions Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 When will I be able to go 6 hours without u crossing my mind? I keep trying and trying and trying...I'm stuck in a maze and there's no way of escaping. I just want to let you go. I need to let u go. How can I let go? Please God. Help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazyillusions Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I miss you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ani87 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I read up about emotional manipulation and it fits you to a T. It also fit me. We both ripped and tore each other apart. Maybe that's why Im beginning to no longer care about you and that's why you could f*ck anything that moved to feel better. You are an assh*le. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalk Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I hope my prescence is there a little! I hope you accidently call her my name when you are annoyed. I hope she asks you questions about your stuff and you say...C did that. I'm aweful possessive aren't I? It just feels like everything of ours is null and void. I wonder if people say...well this one is a lot better than the previous one. I love you. I really wish I didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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