dr_styles Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 "If that guy didn't get a chance what hope do I have" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donicim Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 lol It IS confusing! Ok, shy guys: If you're the type of shy guy who does "shut down" (avoid) a girl he likes, then what would you do if you were NOT interested, but she obviously liked you? How do we tell the difference between avoiding because they're afraid of you, and avoiding because they really are not interested? I will be perfectly friendly with a girl, until I find out she likes me, or until I begint o think of her as possible dating material. At that point, I shut down and have to start avoiding her, because if I don't, and she tries to have a conversation, I will freeze up. My mind will blank. If I don't like a girl in that way, I'll just be friendly and chatty with her. The only time I'll actively avoid someone I don't want to ask out, is when I really can't stand or hate her. as a woman I've been told "if he likes you he'll talk to you" This is the biggest lie I've ever heard. A significant proportion of men just can't do that. We have to break down the gender role stereotypes: if you like a guy, and you have reason to believe he's shy, then you have to be as blunt and obvious as possible. Be very specific that it's a date you're after, that it's romantic and not just friendly interest. Anything you say can and will be misinterpreted by the shy male. Anything the shy male can think of that he can say to you, he will be afraid it will scare you off, or come accross as creepy, or simply wreck his chances with you. Not only that, but this will continue over the first few dates, too. Persist. Please. How would a shy guy react to another man flirting heavily with the girl that he is interested in, but not dating? Like constantly going up to her and putting his arm around her, calling her beautiful, asking for her number, etc. Assume that the other guy has a much greater chance and most probably give up on you. Depending on his looks. Especially if you are in any way friendly with the guy after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Assume that the other guy has a much greater chance and most probably give up on you. Depending on his looks. Especially if you are in any way friendly with the guy after that. This is what makes me nervous. I have guys flirt with me all the time, I don't really care for the guys flirting with me cause I have my eye on this shy guy, but I am also not a rude person, so I will be kind and nicely let them know I am not interested. However, some guys are just very persistent and don't understand no or think that women don't mean what they say. I am worried that this will put off my shy guy. I can't help it that these guys are flirting with me, I can't prevent it....just like I can't prevent people talking about us dating, which just pushes him further into his shell cause he feels like he is on display. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Are these guys that are coming up to you actually "ok" though? If so you could be throwing away some good chances, as harsh as that is to the shy guy, potentially same with me one day. You might consider doing one last ditch thing with this shy guy then after that just be open to those other guys if you fancy them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donicim Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Originally Posted by Donicim Assume that the other guy has a much greater chance and most probably give up on you. Depending on his looks. Especially if you are in any way friendly with the guy after that.This is what makes me nervous. I have guys flirt with me all the time, I don't really care for the guys flirting with me cause I have my eye on this shy guy, but I am also not a rude person, so I will be kind and nicely let them know I am not interested. Well, I said the shy guy will give up on you...doesn't mean he doesn't like you any more, just that you lose all remaining chance of him making the first move. Most likely he'd still like you, but either give up or shift his attention elsewhere. And still be enthusiastic if you make your move soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 what do shy guys think of a bubbly girl? that she's his match or is he after a shy girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donicim Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I would guess tastes differ from guy to guy, but personally I'm looking for a bubbly girl who can pick up all the slack in conversation for the awkward period it takes for me to get comfortable around her. They tend to be the most friendly, anyway, and thus the most attractive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Are these guys that are coming up to you actually "ok" though? If so you could be throwing away some good chances, as harsh as that is to the shy guy, potentially same with me one day. You might consider doing one last ditch thing with this shy guy then after that just be open to those other guys if you fancy them. Not really. I have gone through so many bad relationships that I am VERY picky when it comes to guys. They can't be too old or too young. Persistence to me = controlling, been there, done that, not doing it again. I don't like liars, cheats or obnoxiously loud men. I don't like hot headed men who can't control their tempers. I am a person with opinions and if I say something, I mean it and one should not disregard what I say/think cause that just shows me that you are not respectful of my thoughts. There are certain areas that I am jaded because of past experiences. I could go on and on. For me, I have to have that instant chemistry or I am just not interested. My shy guy is 85% perfect and I am not willing to give up on that just yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Well, I said the shy guy will give up on you...doesn't mean he doesn't like you any more, just that you lose all remaining chance of him making the first move. Most likely he'd still like you, but either give up or shift his attention elsewhere. And still be enthusiastic if you make your move soon. I don't believe that he will ever make the first move, unless REALLY, REALLY drunk, in which case he will then say that he doesn't remember it in the morning. I have tried getting to him verbally with no success, he gets all nervous and just says things to end the conversation...and I know what he is doing and usually I let the conversation end. I am not trying to make him feel scared/uncomfortable. I think I just need to suck it up and kiss him. Or at least get very close to him...There has always been a good reaction when we are near each other. If I could only get him to dance with me again, I know I could get him past this. I think that might be the only way I can get this to move forward. Then, if that doesn't work, I will need to give up on him....but after that, things will be really weird, so I am pretty scared to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 jeez how come there aren't any girls like you ever around me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 jeez how come there aren't any girls like you ever around me Haha...but it doesn't really matter if I can't get him to take that leap of faith! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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