CaseOfInsanity Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Interesting advice, Symbolic. Thanks. What would a shy guy do if he knows the girl is interested, but he doesn't feel the same? He would try to minimize the communication with the girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBladeRoden Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 He would try to avoid her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 You literally asked him, and he still said that? Maybe he doesn't really like you. For me, when a girl is so up front about it..it makes me more comfortable for whatever reason. I guess when a girl is just straight up forward about it, it tells me that she likes me and it allows me to then be forward also... As for your guy..I don't know. Maybe hes ultra bad super duper like retarded shy...but maybe he just doesn't like you I don't know..I'm sorry I can't help on this one.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 My most recent idea...how do you think he would react if I told him that I liked him, that I know that he likes me, that he can deny it all he wants, but I am not going anywhere. Do you think that being completely matter of fact like that would be good? Well i didn't see this post till after I just posted. Yes I think you should be "matter of fact" Just put it out there. Leave no room for doubt. If that doesn't work then I guess all hope is lost. I thought you had done that when I read your other post I guess I misinterpreted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Well i didn't see this post till after I just posted. Yes I think you should be "matter of fact" Just put it out there. Leave no room for doubt. If that doesn't work then I guess all hope is lost. I thought you had done that when I read your other post I guess I misinterpreted it. OK. The thing is that he is shy, but I don't think that is his biggest hang up. I think his biggest hang up is that he is scared to death of having a relationship. He has only had one relationship, back in high school and she didn't do him right at all. Otherwise, he has been flying solo. Plus, I used to date a guy who hung out in his group of friends...not really his friend, but there is that connection. I can tell when a guy likes me and he does. He won't verbally admit it, but he can't help himself sometimes with his actions. Then he will do something and freak out and avoid me for a period of time (like not even drive on the same road as me) until he sees me again and then he is okay. There was even one time that he was thinking about kissing me and then gave me an awkward hug instead. I sent him a text (I know in person would have been better) where I said that "I was told that I misread him. I really thought there was a mutual interest but that he was hung up about my ex and shy on top of that. If there's not, say so & I'll let it go. If there is, say so & I won't let go. I'm tired of the background chatter from the peanut gallery. Things don't have to be so complicated." It took him an hour to reply (when he is usually pretty quick) and said "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I don't know who you have been talking to. I said I hate it when people talk behind other people's backs and this is why. Someone has some explaining to do." I know that most people will take this as not interested. The thing is that he is one of these people who if they are not feeling comfortable with a conversation with say whatever he can come up with to not be in it. He will play dumb or play on words, which is what I feel he was doing here. He never came out and said he wasn't interested. He said "IF". Plus, he knows that me & him are a topic of conversation amongst the group all the time, they talk about it with me, they talk about it with him, they talk about it with each other and some even have the balls to talk about it to both of us at the same time. He knows who I have been talking to. So, I didn't see him until last weekend when the group went camping. We pretty much steered clear of each other and spoke maybe 10 words. But, we were 4 wheeling (my first time) and the first run (I took a lot longer than others) and I guess he was all worried and saying they should go back and look for me and this other girl that I was with. After that, he followed me the whole 3 hours, as if he was looking out for me, making sure I was safe and maybe just to ease his own mind. Everyone else was like, she's fine and we'll wait for her to catch up at stops. Not him, he was being my protector...that was the total vibe I was getting from him. I am 100% positive that he likes me and that he is just too scared to admit it. My gut feelings have always been spot on. I just need to find a way to get him past not admitting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 He would try to minimize the communication with the girl. earlier in the thread someone said they avoid you if they like you? this is confusing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 earlier in the thread someone said they avoid you if they like you? this is confusing! Agree with you shessofly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBladeRoden Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 earlier in the thread someone said they avoid you if they like you? this is confusing! I wouldn't avoid someone if I liked them. I'd try to be around them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JewelCat Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 earlier in the thread someone said they avoid you if they like you? this is confusing! lol It IS confusing! Ok, shy guys: If you're the type of shy guy who does "shut down" (avoid) a girl he likes, then what would you do if you were NOT interested, but she obviously liked you? How do we tell the difference between avoiding because they're afraid of you, and avoiding because they really are not interested? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaseOfInsanity Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 lol It IS confusing! Ok, shy guys: If you're the type of shy guy who does "shut down" (avoid) a girl he likes, then what would you do if you were NOT interested, but she obviously liked you? How do we tell the difference between avoiding because they're afraid of you, and avoiding because they really are not interested? I'm sure in that situation the shy guy will be less shy to the girl he isn't interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 lol It IS confusing! Ok, shy guys: If you're the type of shy guy who does "shut down" (avoid) a girl he likes, then what would you do if you were NOT interested, but she obviously liked you? How do we tell the difference between avoiding because they're afraid of you, and avoiding because they really are not interested? Well I kinda of have to use my imagination here a little cause women don't just come out and show interest in me (or maybe I'm just blind). But if this did happen I'd simply not show any interest in her advances and hopefully she will get my subtle hint that way.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 I'm sure in that situation the shy guy will be less shy to the girl he isn't interested in. Actually this is very true. I'm not shy around girls I have zero interest in. BUT, If you were a girl i had no interest in AND I knew you liked me, i would probably then be shy again..but I'm not sure..I haven't had that situation happen to me before lol. For all the "I can't tell if he likes me or he hates me" I'm going to say this. It may be the worst advice ever...but I think it may be the only way...a sort of last resort if you really like a guy and he is just being ridiculous. Just tell him straight up "LOOK....SON...i LIKE YOU...G DAMNIT! SO HOWS IT GONNA BE EH?" lol..not quite like that but you get my point. In some cases it just has to be like that I guess.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Actually this is very true. I'm not shy around girls I have zero interest in. BUT, If you were a girl i had no interest in AND I knew you liked me, i would probably then be shy again..but I'm not sure..I haven't had that situation happen to me before lol. For all the "I can't tell if he likes me or he hates me" I'm going to say this. It may be the worst advice ever...but I think it may be the only way...a sort of last resort if you really like a guy and he is just being ridiculous. Just tell him straight up "LOOK....SON...i LIKE YOU...G DAMNIT! SO HOWS IT GONNA BE EH?" lol..not quite like that but you get my point. In some cases it just has to be like that I guess.... It's funny...I think I have experience with this. The shy guy I am interested in I have known for 6 years...but we barely spoke until this last year. I dated a guy that was friends with his brother and he would hang out with them. He would come over and have dinner at our house (he was the only one who would help me clean up the dishes), I would see him at parties, etc. In that time, we said maybe 10 words to each other (over almost 4 years), never greeted each other, barely even looked each other in the eye. In the past year, he helped me move without me asking, he hugs me hello and good bye, we have conversations where we joke around and laugh a lot, we have eye contact, we text some, etc. I recently realized that back then, he was always friendly and chatty to all the other girlfriends and wives, but completely stayed away from me. Now, he is being extremely friendly with me, more so than all the other girls. Which, leads me to believe that he liked me way back when and that is why he ignored me and was all shy (I just thought he was shy)....he didn't want people to know that he liked me cause I was dating one of the guys at that point. Now, he still doesn't want to admit it and he gets weird sometimes, but at least he isn't just looking down at his feet when I am around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I think if a girl has gone to the lengths of being forward with a shy guy a couple of times then that's enough. That's like throwing everything out there and still not much; sometimes you just can't win. And if they're that shy somehow I don't things could go well on the date or down the track either. (We're talking really really really shy here) --------- Thought I'd flip this a bit and be a Shy guy asking the other eNA Shy guys; kind of like a survey/tally. How often would you get "dating" chances? How often do you push your shyness to make them? How much has it clearly cost you? After all there are shy guys who come on and talk about how they blow their chances every week or whatever like when a girl comes and talks or to them, and there are others like me who are on the shy side to try and create chances otherwise I have nothing. (I know the whole aspect of chances and opportunities depends on more than just shyness but just run with it for now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 I don't understand your question! But whatever it is I want to answer it when I do understand...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 LOL sorry it was getting late. I look at it now and huh a bit too. OK two situations associated with shyness, can get both but usually one is the more "dominant" in their life. Overly simplifying, #1 is where the guy gets hit on/approached but is too shy to ask them out or for their number (or whatever). #2 is more broad shyness where they are they too shy to create chances by going up to people and starting conversations. I'm by far the 2nd. The reason why I say they are separate is because usually someone who gets conversations with them easily won't have the problem of no one NOT talking to them in the first place. So I'm just wondering which situation reflects the particular "shy" guys here, and I guess what type of shyness, and how it costs them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 LOL sorry it was getting late. I look at it now and huh a bit too. OK two situations associated with shyness, can get both but usually one is the more "dominant" in their life. Overly simplifying, #1 is where the guy gets hit on/approached but is too shy to ask them out or for their number (or whatever). #2 is more broad shyness where they are they too shy to create chances by going up to people and starting conversations. I'm by far the 2nd. The reason why I say they are separate is because usually someone who gets conversations with them easily won't have the problem of no one NOT talking to them in the first place. So I'm just wondering which situation reflects the particular "shy" guys here, and I guess what type of shyness, and how it costs them. I think there is a 3rd. The guy who will have conversations, joke around, etc. As soon as he realizes or is told that a girl is interested, he runs back into his shell, gets all nervous and doesn't know how it happened or why she likes him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 haha I thought of that as #1 imo. Well simplifying it again even further. #1 gets free chances but is too shy to take it #2 is too shy to create any chances Like those threads along the lines of "this girl came and talked to me and I just froze up" or "too shy, not sure what to say to this girl who's giving me " all going to #1. But look whatever you call it or however many ways you want to divide it, I hope people get the idea. Just avoiding the nitpicking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I am baffled by the way shy guys think/feel!! Then again I should know cos that's the type I've mainly gone for. It is hard for me to understand because I've been the complete opposite -bubbly, tactile- till now. As I'm recently single I've got a question. If I'm out and I see a guy I like (usually shy) and he looks at me but doesn't pluck up the courage to speak to me what is the best thing for me to do? Here's an example I saw this guy at the beach, he was obviously looking at me repeatedly. I transcended my insicurity (he can't fancy me) and SMILED at him. He smiled back. Now I assume that's all he needed but no. I sat on my front so he can see my cleavage in case that will get him going!! I went to the toilet later and when I came out he was there by the sink doing his hair when I came out. He didn't speak to me. I slowed down my step in case he catches up with me. No. When I decided to leave they left straight after and he was looking at me. This is the only guy I've seen in months that I actually liked. I was too embarassed to speak to him, I really feel it was up to him. I assumed he didn't really fancy me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Nah that sounds like me too . Well as a lesson to us guys (or just me what did you expect him to say? Like something situational which may have been lacking? Or really just simply "Hi! How are you going?" (or some other generic thing). I find it becomes hard to even say Hi if you've been or noticed someone for a few moments, and it goes from polite/friendly greeting to "I am obviously awkwardly trying to talk to you". After all if the person is shy, looking natural will be on their mind ... and a delayed Hi is definitely not that. But if there's nothing situational or whatever then they have nothing on. That or he wasn't interested in actually wanting to know/date you but just liked what he saw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 True. Maybe he had a girlfriend already but just liked my looks.. I'd love him to say something like "You look gorgeous, what's your name?" "hi, what's your name" "do you come here often" "I've been looking at you and thought I'd come and say hi" He was very obviously looking at me, even his friend was. I wish I understood he did like me and pluck up the courage to speak to him. But as a woman I've been told "if he likes you he'll talk to you" I found it hard to speak to him because I also got slightly intimidated by his looks, he was very hot (my mum said he was average) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 LOL sorry it was getting late. I look at it now and huh a bit too. OK two situations associated with shyness, can get both but usually one is the more "dominant" in their life. Overly simplifying, #1 is where the guy gets hit on/approached but is too shy to ask them out or for their number (or whatever). #2 is more broad shyness where they are they too shy to create chances by going up to people and starting conversations. I'm by far the 2nd. The reason why I say they are separate is because usually someone who gets conversations with them easily won't have the problem of no one NOT talking to them in the first place. So I'm just wondering which situation reflects the particular "shy" guys here, and I guess what type of shyness, and how it costs them. I was all of those options through out my life so far Hashanah! I was #2 as a kid and hardly spoke to anyone in class at school (for example). As a teenager I was #1 and was still very shy but I was starting to have women approach me. For some reason it happened most when I was on vacation with family. In all the incidents I was in I often freaked out and pretended like I didn't hear the girl and started walking faster and faster to get out of there! Now at 20 years old I'm a #3 or something, You could say I've gotten better with "socially" talking to people if we've got something in common. Like we go to the same class or the same job. So I'm pretty friendly now but women have stopped approaching me (I think that's due to me being older...this isn't HS anymore). Overall I'm still much too shy to approach and talk to the girls I do like and I still have yet to get a phone# muchless a date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBladeRoden Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 There is also the type of guy who would like to take chances, but he doesn't get any Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 How would a shy guy react to another man flirting heavily with the girl that he is interested in, but not dating? Like constantly going up to her and putting his arm around her, calling her beautiful, asking for her number, etc. And how would he react if she flirted back? And if she didn't flirt back, like he asked her to dance and she declined, she didn't put her arm around him, she didn't give him her number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBladeRoden Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I'd be jealous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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