Brightest Dark Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Or telling a waiter that you lost your keys and wondered if you had left them at the restaurant? Or just.. anything. That sort of thing seems crazy to me. Maybe it's because I'm not a liar so I don't like to make up stories for anything. I know how these guys feel. I prefer not to talk than talk for the sake of it. I will talk to people if I need to, or have to, or if I know them - or something like that. But I wouldn't start any type of conversation with someone I wasn't talking to just to start a conversation. It seems pointless to me. Ok, maybe eventually you do become better at speaking - but I'm comfortable being quiet for the most part. Of course I wish I had more confidence and wish I didn't care when I did speak sometimes and I wish I could talk more to guys I like, but I'm happy with silence and quietness at the same time. It depends on the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousJohn Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 How is a girl supposed to respond when a shy guy acts interested and flirts with her while drinking, but pretends not to be when sober? I don't get drunk and flirt, then pretend to be uninterested the next time I see her. The good thing about alcohol is that it makes it easier to show interest and flirt, so if they still come around after this it is safer to assume that the interest is mutual. I was merely saying that it is not a permenant solution, because no one wants to be approached by a guy whose breath stinks of liqour at noon on a Sunday. Guess what I'm getting at is that the alcohol solution can only be utilized in a time and place that it is socially acceptable to have been drinking. Doesn't really cover seeing someone in any other place than a bar or party. So, I was looking for other suggestions that didnt envolve being intoxicated. Which were provided, much to my appreciation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 I know how these guys feel. I prefer not to talk than talk for the sake of it. I will talk to people if I need to, or have to, or if I know them - or something like that. But I wouldn't start any type of conversation with someone I wasn't talking to just to start a conversation. It seems pointless to me. I'm like this as well, but I have done this many times now. Not a lie but going back (or going to initially!) to ask a silly/obvious/pointless question also paired with a lot of "omg this is just pathetically desperate" just so I could do something. To me it's pretty much those times when you push the "you have to be in it to win it" to the extreme. That's not necessarily a bad mentality to practice in principle, but the odds are so low to begin with it's kind of pointless. But hey, I'm desperate so I'll probably keep doing it at times ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brightest Dark Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I'm like this as well, but I have done this many times now. Not a lie but going back (or going to initially!) to ask a silly/obvious/pointless question also paired with a lot of "omg this is just pathetically desperate" just so I could do something. To me it's pretty much those times when you push the "you have to be in it to win it" to the extreme. That's not necessarily a bad mentality to practice in principle, but the odds are so low to begin with it's kind of pointless. But hey, I'm desperate so I'll probably keep doing it at times ... I tend to do it in writing more. Well, I don't make stuff up - but say if there's a guy I like, I have written to him about something just because I wanted to write to him. I probably wouldn't do that face to face - but I feel more comfortable with writing. That said, I'll often send an email/message on a site and then be 'Oh God, I hope he doesn't think I'm a pain for emailing him again!' and I'll worry about what I wrote. If he doesn't reply or takes his time or something I get really paranoid. I get really paranoid that I come accross as 'too keen' even if I really give no signs at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hello everyone!!! Thanks for this thread. I am extremely confused/frustrated with this guy who I just recently figured out was shy. I have never in my life had a crush on a shy guy. I truly never even knew these men existed. This guy is freaking HOT and I just cannot believe he is this shy. I see him talking to everyone, he has lots of friends male and female, and rumor has it that he is supposedly a really nice guy. It took him 3 months of us bumping into each other for him to finally say hi. I saw him a couple days after that and waved at him as he was getting into his car. OMg...he hasn't been the same since! He sped off in the car and now seems to be completely and totally avoiding me. What did I do wrong. There's so much more that has happened that led me to believe he was interested. I saw him a few days ago, but he was walking very slowly, like it looked purposeful so that he wouldn't have to cross paths with me. I've done nothing stalkerish, or pushy...I consider myself very approachable. What's up with this guy? He has dated a couple of girls in the past year or so, so I know that he's not totally inexperienced, but it seems like everything changed when I waved at him. I just waved at him for crying out loud. It seemed like it would have been rude to ignore him when we clearly saw each other. This is so foreign to me. I have NEVER had a crush on a shy guy. He's never looked me in the eye. Even when he said hello it was like he was looking over me instead of at me. I was at a booth one day that he was standing at and he COMPLETELY FROZE up and appeared to be studying the brochure he had in his hand intently. Like I felt like I repulsed him or something. What did I do? I think I'm a tad bit shy, but normally I would have already approached this guy...just to make small talk. This guy, however, turns into stone and seems really cold. He is not approachable so I can only assume that he was interested but is not anymore. So many mixed signals! This bothers me because I feel like he hates me, yet he cannot possibly hate me...we've never even spoken! I haven't harassed him, tried to cozy up to his friends, nada! Someone please shed some light. I'm not about to make any kind of move on a guy who is this distant. I have been described as beautiful, pretty, etc. I do think I'm above average, but I don't put myself so high up there that men should be afraid to speak to me...and I always smile at him (or at least I did before he disappeared). I am a very likeable person. I have never seen him smile. He looks like he has no emotions. So stiff. I do not know any shy guys personally, or at least guys who are THIS shy, so I've had no one to ask. I'm on the verge of calling it quits (like there ever was an "it", lol) b/c this type of behavior seems really strange. I have done nothing to this man for him to behave this way. Up until last week I felt this very strong pull toward him...like we HAVE to speak to each other...but I'm not so sure now. Perhaps the avoidance is permanent and I have nothing to worry about anyway. The way we kept bumping into each other was uncanny...like it started feeling like fate or something. I can't explain it. Sorry for the long post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I had to laugh at this post because it sounds so much like the guy I am interested in. He does the avoidance thing too. I don't have any good advice to give you, but I just wanted you to know that someone else was experiencing it. I wish you luck...I have been interested in this guy for a year now and we have actually gone backwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I had to laugh at this post because it sounds so much like the guy I am interested in. He does the avoidance thing too. I don't have any good advice to give you, but I just wanted you to know that someone else was experiencing it. I wish you luck...I have been interested in this guy for a year now and we have actually gone backwards. i thought i was all alone in the world. i am so sorry! i feel like i've gone backwards too. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 i thought i was all alone in the world. i am so sorry! i feel like i've gone backwards too. ](*,) It does suck...especially since it is constantly on your mind, but there is nothing you can do about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shylas Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 This must be a very common occurrence...I have been exactly where you are. I could have written this myself! We all can't be wrong about these guys and their very mixed messages. I am no "spring chicken" so to speak and I have experienced alot of life, and I know when a man is giving me indications of interest. It is very frustrating to say the least when you have been given a clear signal of interest and then poof! they seem to vanish. Come on shy guys...tell us...what gives??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jpo Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 That used to happen to me. I'm not sure why or how to explain it, but when someone really beautiful who you are interested in reciprocates your interest, sometimes it just scares you to death. You're afraid if you look at them or talk to them you will fall apart -- like start shaking or not be able to talk. So you ignore them. Many times I would go for women that I really wasn't really that attracted to just because I felt much more comfortable around them. I promise you they regret ignoring you later, but it is like a some sort of ingrained instinct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Come on shy guys...tell us...what gives??? The nerves are what gives, most shy guys that really really like a girl alot get so overwhelmed sometimes that they sorta just shutdown... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 The nerves are what gives, most shy guys that really really like a girl alot get so overwhelmed sometimes that they sorta just shutdown... so does shutting down mean they stop liking you? how long do you need to avoid the lady to get over it? can you really stay completely away from someone you're attracted to? this is crazy! crazy i say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 so does shutting down mean they stop liking you? how long do you need to avoid the lady to get over it? can you really stay completely away from someone you're attracted to? this is crazy! crazy i say! I don't think they ever "stop" liking the girl. More like they give up trying to date her/ask her out. I don't know about other shy guys but as for me I don't really stop being attracted to a girl. I deal with the situation by avoiding her... (NC basically "no contact"). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symbolic Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 This must be a very common occurrence...I have been exactly where you are. I could have written this myself! We all can't be wrong about these guys and their very mixed messages. I am no "spring chicken" so to speak and I have experienced alot of life, and I know when a man is giving me indications of interest. It is very frustrating to say the least when you have been given a clear signal of interest and then poof! they seem to vanish. Come on shy guys...tell us...what gives??? We arent supposed to be interested in you. We have to be perfect in our interest. We must show some interest but be "aloof" a certain amount or else you will lose interest in us. Well shy guys don't have the skills generally to be that perfect median. Sorry, but he is scared to screw it up. This may not apply to super sexy hot guys but it applies to me. I'm not going to suddenly stop liking you....period. Maybe you women can do that, but I cannot. It is not possible. I can totally see a girl one day being like "poof" and she doesn't like me anymore for absolutely no reason. In my case this will never happen, and its ridiculous to think its possible. I think other shy guys are just like me. They aren't going to stop liking you for no reason. So you don't need to be all scared when he stops showing interest. He is probably trying to be cool so that you will stay interested in him! Its like a spider, it is more scared of you than you are of it. Well shy guy is way more scared of you losing interest than you are of him. If you like a guy and he is obviously shy, you should take the lead to push things further. I'm sorry, you want a manly man to do it for you. Well shy guys can be manly men too, but we arent pimp playas. We are scared of screwing up. We can't go out there and hit on a thousand women and have a new one every day to try out our skills on. Shy guy knows you like him and that is a rare thing to happen. He doesn't want to scare you away. Just becaues he is shy and you need to take initiative does not mean he cannot rock your world like hugh jackman. He just needs to get comfortable with you. This is all based on me, a shy guy. I've learned alot I think. I think this is all true. Ladies, if hes shy just freakin take the lead for a while, he will come around. Or you can go get that jerk guy who will lay you and leave you....whatever.... (go shy guys! we can do it! unite!!) lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Rather than quote all his big fat post I'll just say Hell Yeah! Symbolic has it spot on pretty much the whole way though. Either take the lead early on, or you can try and wait for him to get the courage (which you have to keep feeding by showing you're interested!) to ask you out if that's what you really really want. This is where you'll get some variation on shyness; like from what I've "learnt" just over the last year I'll try and make a move without much (I still need something there, which I still don't have atm) but if they are really really shy ... don't hold your breath. I definitely have to repeat the bit about it being the early stages really of most shy guys. It's exactly the same as the asking out phase. A shy guy will make a move when they decide there's a decent chance of success; a shy guy should loosen off over dates when they decide "hey this girl is really into me" and not worry so much about screwing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 When you guys say "take the lead", what exactly do you mean? I have tried inviting him places, but he won't ever do anything if there is the slightest chance it would just be the two of us. I told him that I thought there was a mutual interest but that he was just shy. I basically asked him if he was interested or not and he said sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. He verbally pushes me away, but his silent actions still tell me he is interested. I am a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. Now I am being told by others to play hard to get, but I don't want to play games, I just want to be able to enjoy his company, get to know each other better, so that we can develop a comfort level. I can't do that if he keeps putting up road blocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 When you guys say "take the lead" Pretty much what you've apparently done ... I have tried inviting him places I told him that I thought there was a mutual interest but that he was just shy. I basically asked him if he was interested or not and he said sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I see what you're saying...take the lead. It is really hard to approach someone who first of all is hiding from you, and secondly when you are around them the air turns cold and icy - it's like you can feel it telling you "go away...leave me alone". If a mere wave has sent this man into 2 weeks of hiding I can only imagine what would have happened if, God forbid, I had introduced myself to him. I don't even know if he'll show his face again. I'm not going out looking for him or forcing the poor guy to bump into me. He's the one who started this mess. I really had not noticed him other than thinking he was cute before all the bumping into each other and other signals started happening. I'm not interested in dating jerks. Being single is not a hardship for me. My life is peaceful and drama free and I've been single for awhile. I just want a nice guy in my life. A gentleman. I just want to be the guy's friend and talk to him a little, but he won't let me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Pretty much what you've apparently done ... So, what am I supposed to do now? I don't want to come off as having disregard for what he told me and being labeled as psycho or creepy, but I know when a guy is interested in me and he definitely is. I don't want to give up and then have him say, see she wasn't all that interested...because I totally am. At the same time, I can't force him to do something...what's a girl to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I totally understand, I am in the same place as you. My shy guy danced with me for 4 hours (he was the one who initiated that), then the next day supposedly didn't remember the evening and then he avoided me for 2 months until I asked him for some help. If I didn't need help, he might still be avoiding me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 ^you're so lucky...you got to touch him, lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 ^you're so lucky...you got to touch him, lol! LOL...yeah, but I have not been able to get that feeling out of my head and that was in January. We do have physical contact like hello and goodbye hugs or he will touch my shoulder or back when talking. He is not that shy when we are hanging out with friends, he will talk with me and have eye contact, tease and joke, etc. He is constantly looking out for me making sure that I am alright. He is shy when it comes to actually having something happen that would focus on a relationship or when other people talk about it. Just hanging out, we have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 My most recent idea...how do you think he would react if I told him that I liked him, that I know that he likes me, that he can deny it all he wants, but I am not going anywhere. Do you think that being completely matter of fact like that would be good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 well i don't have an answer for you but that would certainly take guts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JewelCat Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 They aren't going to stop liking you for no reason. So you don't need to be all scared when he stops showing interest. He is probably trying to be cool so that you will stay interested in him! Its like a spider, it is more scared of you than you are of it. Well shy guy is way more scared of you losing interest than you are of him. Interesting advice, Symbolic. Thanks. What would a shy guy do if he knows the girl is interested, but he doesn't feel the same? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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