Men ! Why do you want easy sex?

[ghost69]

i never said guys don't go around just to get some. i know they do.

 

i said not all guys are that way. but because we meet a girl and date her and have sex doesn't mean the relationship is going to work out. why should we try and force ourselves to be with someone we aren't compatible with? so when emotional doesn't work out it's all good, but omg you had sex, you better stay with her.

[Lonewing]

the thing is, our current society is the result of the societies before them, so in order to find a different cultural attitude, it is necessary to go back far enough to a point where the overall mental construct was obviously different.

 

You can still find communities now, though it is getting harder.

 

You also have to remember that the idea of having sex with a girl almost immedaitely after you meet her [within the first date] is a relatively new concept at the society level - even if it has been common at lower levels of organization within members of the population.

 

We're in a sexual revolution of sorts right now, and in it we all have to refind what and where we all fit. 50 years ago the very idea of "Sexual Compatibility would have got you ridden out of the room on a rail, today it's becoming a very valid issue to take into consideration while finding a mate.

[diabolik]

Interesting comments from women, but I still think alot of men are not comfortable with the one night stand thing; it's weird getting naked with someone you don't know and who doesn't even have your best interest at heart. I think that many men feel the same as women - it feels too vulnerable and weird.

Not me. If not for STDs and the potential for unwanted pregnancy, I have no problem with getting naked and doing the deed with any woman I find physically attractive. I could even dislike her; as long as I find her physically attractive, that's good enough.

So it is interesting that women have been commenting here that it is ok; I think that there is alot of deception and dishonesty when this happens and that part of the situation is that hurtfulness - and I propose that part of having 'casual sex' is an unconscious way to maybe get back at the other sex.

I think you're right that there is a lot of deception. Guys realize that it is easier to get a woman in bed by making her think that he is going to stick around. A slimy move, to be sure, but women need to realize that most guys would say and do anything to get laid.

[ghost69]

i understand everything you are saying. i'm saying being sexually compatible is part of what i'm looking for. usually, i will not move on from a girl because of the sex though. but saying we had sex and i should be more emotional about it kind of bogus to me. i'm not selling myself short.

[Lonewing]

I do agree with that sentiment - and it seems to be a double headed sword. On one hand, we desire sexual compatibility becasue it simply leads to a more fulfilled life. On the other hand, once we start having sex, we discover it is something that we crave becasue it has a very real impact on us on so many levels.

 

The solution then is to enjoy what comes along when it comes along, satisfying the cravings along the way.

[skyblue1]

Because a lot of men are selfish and only care about their own needs.

[HighRoad]

I think you're right that there is a lot of deception. Guys realize that it is easier to get a woman in bed by making her think that he is going to stick around. A slimy move, to be sure, but women need to realize that most guys would say and do anything to get laid.

 

You see? My point exactly.

 

But I still think that a free meal isn't always worth the price. In other words, even if you are able to slime someone into bed by telling them basically a bunch of lies, what do you have? Someone who is only a few notches above - ahem, well. Above what you might have been doing by yourself *ahem* but now you have the added weirdness of someone you don't even know. Who might be a really weird person and burn down your house, or whatever. Or traumatize you with some kind of verbal abuse. Anything.

 

So, I guess I was just wondering why this is a good thing? and, is it really worth the price? Plus, you are also knowing that you intentionally lied to get what you wanted. I guess that would bother me, and alot of men I know.

 

Interesting discussion ! This is kind of fun.

[Lonewing]

I meet you in a place I never go to, I give you a fake name, we go to a hotel, I disappear having sacked your castle...

 

It almost sounds like the plot to a James Bond movie...

[HighRoad]

As for the sexual compatability thing, well I know alot of very sweet couples who are in their 70's and 80's and have been married for like, 67 years and they are really each others only partners. Wow! and they are very loving and kind and devoted to each other.

 

When I see that, I have to say that that is what I would like to have. Sex is great, but with the right person. The loving bond I see in some of these couples is amazing, and I think that actually loving your partner deeply makes sex very sweet. A casual fling for many women, can be very unsatisfying - too much anxiety.

 

Anyway, just more fuel for the fire. This is a really interesting discussion !

[Cognitive_Canine]

Don't trust people you don't know.

 

You do not know someone after a few dates.

 

They only decieve you if you let them.

 

Now, if you've been dating for 2 months, you have sex, and they run off after getting some. A) They had one seriously weird and extensive plot to have sex with you. B) Then you can feel upset and betrayed.

 

I really don't know how men can have random sex these days. Just knowing that there are crazy crazy women out there who poke holes in condoms and try to get pregnant. Now, THAT'S a trap.

[diabolik]

You see? My point exactly.

 

But I still think that a free meal isn't always worth the price. In other words, even if you are able to slime someone into bed by telling them basically a bunch of lies, what do you have?

Hopefully, good sex.

Someone who is only a few notches above - ahem, well. Above what you might have been doing by yourself *ahem* but now you have the added weirdness of someone you don't even know.

Depends on the person. It's not weird for me at all. I can horizontal boogie with a complete stranger (not even a name), so long as she's physically attractive, and not find it to be strange or weird.

Who might be a really weird person and burn down your house, or whatever. Or traumatize you with some kind of verbal abuse. Anything.

When a guy is thinking about the prospect of imminent sex, most other concerns are marginalized. To give you an example, I am now, as opposed to before when I was doing some pretty dumb stuff, pretty well-educated about STDs. But if you put a hot, horny girl in front of me who only wants to have sex without a condom, or who wants to give/receive oral with no protection, I may succumb to lust despite knowing the dangers. Of course, I'd be kicking myself afterward, but it shows that the blood that rushes to the small head is coming directly at the expense of the big head.

 

In terms of physical safety, I think that is more typically a female concern than a male concern. I've never worried that the woman was going to abuse me in any way.

So, I guess I was just wondering why this is a good thing? and, is it really worth the price? Plus, you are also knowing that you intentionally lied to get what you wanted. I guess that would bother me, and alot of men I know.

I don't mislead women about my intentions, and this undoubtedly costs me some tail.

[hexaemeron]

Because a lot of men are selfish and only care about their own needs.

 

Jilted, party of one. Sounds like you've had some bad experiences, and I'm sorry for that. But that's certainly not the providence solely of men. Men can and do use the promise of intimacy and communication to get some lovin. And women can and do use the promise of sex to get intimacy and communication from men.

 

Quid pro quo.

[grymoire]

i beg to differ. i don't see it as a cultural norm, i think it's how men are physically wired. so many cultures, even ones that are not connected to modern society work in this fashion. sure you can encourage more guys to stay with girls for other reasons and increase that bond more, but if you aren't compatible with someone, you just aren't. sure there are the guys that just go out and hook up with whoever, i used to be one. but do i use girls now? no. but because i have sex with a girl doesn't mean i owe her a relationship. we are physical beings and we have physical needs just as much as emotional.

 

male brothels? never happen. why? women ultimately hold the key to gettin some. it is science that guys need physical more than females.

 

great response from ghost!

 

my question is - the sex is not going to happen unless the girl agrees to it right? so why do they agree for sex and then complain that men are so bad??

[hexaemeron]

great response from ghost!

 

my question is - the sex is not going to happen unless the girl agrees to it right? so why do they agree for sex and then complain that men are so bad??

 

Because they didn't get the white picket fences and the 2.3 children would be my guess.

[grymoire]

Because they didn't get the white picket fences and the 2.3 children would be my guess.

 

I do not think that is fair at all. Women still want men to ask them out and also pay for the first few dates. So should we cry foul if the girl just decides after the first few dates that she doesn't feel the connection? Does the girl owe the guy sex simply because he took her out on dates and paid?

[HighRoad]

but it shows that the blood that rushes to the small head is coming directly at the expense of the big head.

 

 

Dude, that was awesome !

 

Yep, I totally agree with both sides, we just have to keep our eyes and ears open and be careful out there. Men and women.

[insearch]

HighRoad,

 

I am a 47 year old woman and I know for a fact this is not just behavior of men. I have female friends as well as myself who at different times in their lives only wanted to get laid and get the crap out. I know enough about my sexuality to know when I might want to have a relationship with a man and when I just want him for one thing. I may sound easy to you, but I do not live in the 50's and I am a very self confident and mature woman. I can easily look at sex the same way many young males do.

I think is has to do with the way you look at the act of sex itself. Sometimes you make love sometimes you just ****!!!!!

 

Can’t wait to hear the feedback I’m going to get for telling the truth.

[grymoire]

HighRoad,

 

I am a 47 year old woman and I know for a fact this is not just behavior of men. I have female friends as well as myself who at different times in their lives only wanted to get laid and get the crap out. I know enough about my sexuality to know when I might want to have a relationship with a man and when I just want him for one thing. I may sound easy to you, but I do not live in the 50's and I am a very self confident and mature woman. I can easily look at sex the same way many young males do.

I think is has to do with the way you look at the act of sex itself. Sometimes you make love sometimes you just ****!!!!!

 

Can’t wait to hear the feedback I’m going to get for telling the truth.

 

This is a very good post.

[drewciouS281]

for me, if i bone the girl the first night, i didnt really have an interest in getting to know her. Its not that im leading her on but it just mutually leads to that. I have never pushed myself to get into a womans pants. It has always been mutual or them wanting it more. If there is a girl that i am interested in, i wont sleep with her the first night and i will wait afew dates to get to know her better. I respect her more that way. My girl and i waited a month and by that time we could barely keep our hands off each other!

[ghost69]

I do not think that is fair at all. Women still want men to ask them out and also pay for the first few dates. So should we cry foul if the girl just decides after the first few dates that she doesn't feel the connection? Does the girl owe the guy sex simply because he took her out on dates and paid?

 

of course she owes us. it's tip right? haha jk ladies. but seriously, we use are money to take you out and get to know you no matter if i like you or you like me. do we cry wolf? not really.

 

but it does take two to tango and have sex. if you want to stop being bitter, stop giving it up and acting that way if they guy changes his mind. is he not allowed? after sex, would 5 more dates make you feel better about it? let's get real here. aren't we adults? we all have needs. you wanted sex, we wanted sex, it happened and we had fun. sex isn't some magical commodity we have to bow down to.

 

HighRoad,

 

I am a 47 year old woman and I know for a fact this is not just behavior of men. I have female friends as well as myself who at different times in their lives only wanted to get laid and get the crap out. I know enough about my sexuality to know when I might want to have a relationship with a man and when I just want him for one thing. I may sound easy to you, but I do not live in the 50's and I am a very self confident and mature woman. I can easily look at sex the same way many young males do.

I think is has to do with the way you look at the act of sex itself. Sometimes you make love sometimes you just ****!!!!!

 

Can’t wait to hear the feedback I’m going to get for telling the truth.

 

thank you for this. i know a lot of girls will never admit to using guys. i've seen it happen at all ages too.

 

for me, if i bone the girl the first night, i didnt really have an interest in getting to know her. Its not that im leading her on but it just mutually leads to that. I have never pushed myself to get into a womans pants. It has always been mutual or them wanting it more. If there is a girl that i am interested in, i wont sleep with her the first night and i will wait afew dates to get to know her better. I respect her more that way. My girl and i waited a month and by that time we could barely keep our hands off each other!

 

i don't believe you drew. why? i know i've hooked up with girls really early and still dated them. yes, even before a first date.

[LAYAAN]

If I can get easy and CLEAN guy to have sex with... I'd be glad. The truth is its easier for a female to get it than it is for a guy. So, even if a guy is really after sex, for them to get some, most feel the need to hide their real intentions. But I think if such men hit the right audience, they should not feel any need to hide the real intention.

[grymoire]

If I can get easy and CLEAN guy to have sex with... I'd be glad. The truth is its easier for a female to get it than it is for a guy. So, even if a guy is really after sex, for them to get some, most feel the need to hide their real intentions. But I think if such men hit the right audience, they should not feel any need to hide the real intention.

 

So if a easy and clean guy approached you and openly said his intention "Tinu I would like to have sex with you" would you sleep with him? I doubt this given the fact that you even want to make the men you date wait for an indefinite amount of time to get some.

[Batya33]

HighRoad,

 

I am a 47 year old woman and I know for a fact this is not just behavior of men. I have female friends as well as myself who at different times in their lives only wanted to get laid and get the crap out. I know enough about my sexuality to know when I might want to have a relationship with a man and when I just want him for one thing. I may sound easy to you, but I do not live in the 50's and I am a very self confident and mature woman. I can easily look at sex the same way many young males do.

I think is has to do with the way you look at the act of sex itself. Sometimes you make love sometimes you just ****!!!!!

 

Can’t wait to hear the feedback I’m going to get for telling the truth.

 

It always surprises me that someone who enjoys casual sex sees it as a sign of self confidence and maturity, and that not wanting casual sex has something to do with being a 1950s type woman. I imagine that there are many people who are repressed sexually who enjoy casual sex because then they don't have to get emotionally involved and can just get off, just like there are repressed people who don't enjoy casual sex. I'm also not sure why expressing sexuality is ever equated with having a variety of partners or many partners. Sexuality can be just as expressive in a long term monogamous relationship -- can be done just to get laid as well as to make love - and since it is a long term partnership likely can be more expressive because the people know each other well (that likely can happen with long term sex partners but I think that knowing each other from a foundation of love and trust makes the act better, too).

 

I realize it seems to make sense that liking casual sex=free attitude towards sex and not engaging in it is "represssive" but if you just consider it for a moment there's no reason that needs to be true, or is true.

 

For me, I never had casual sex because when I was tempted - -at a young age-- ther were the issues of pregnancy, STDs and not wanting that sort of reputation. As I got older I had no desire to engage in casual sex and even if I had my values would have stopped me. But, I don't judge people who do have casual sex as loose or easy but I get judged as "repressed" because I don't choose to have casual sex.

[Armando929]

All depends on the person.

 

As a man, I can say that even though we do take the opportunities when they present themselves, overall we just look at that woman in a different way. We assume that she just wants to get laid as well or why else would she give it up so easily??... I mean there should be no sturm and drang if both parties want the same thing right?... No bad guys, right??.. Of course it doesn't always turn out that way as I can tell you from experience.

 

 

When I was fresh out of high school getting laid was pretty much my only concern because I had gotten out of a stressful relationship and I just didn't want to deal with that anymore. Better to just get out of it what I could and not have to worry about emotions and all that drama. But I was real pessismitic about love, relationships, and just women in general. I thought they were all the same. Thats why the easy sex was the best way out because I didn't have to worry about all the other little problems.

 

As a person gets older though, they discover what they want and then its about going to get it. Easier said than done I know but I think thats what it all boils down to.