Suesser Tod Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I've known for a while that I have some sort of eating disorder, but as of now it's quite clear I'm a binge eater. I know how it all started, both my parents have their share of issues with food. So it all started with my mom using food as a way to show love. When I was a kid I was reluctant to eat, and I now understand why, I was being overfed! Then on the other side, my dad made me relate food with "good times", for example, he wouldn't give me a gift for my birthday, but he would take us out for dinner (yeah, * * * ?). So I ended up eating whatever I'm served, no matter if I don't like it or if I'm stuffed to the point of being about to throw up, and relating being happy with food. I have my fair share of issues, mostly related to an anxiety disorder, and I'm also quite antisocial (dunno if it is related to my anxiety). So I also eat whenever the anxiety kicks in (mostly when I'm bored) or I feel lonely (usually every afternoon). Obviusly, I'm overweight, I'm over 30% of my ideal weight. I thought of diets, but I know they won't work as they would only make the binge eating worse. I also thought about a nutriologyst (sp?) but I know that won't work either... So, I know that I have do deal with my EA first. I've already chosen an Overeaters Anonymous group that is close to home (I'm quite scared about it), but it is only a "support" group. What else should I do? I'm tired of being afraid of mirrors, my clothes are worn but I hate shopping as I know it will be hard for me to find clothes that I like on my size, and eventhough it hasn't happened yet, I terrified that I might have to go to the larger size section of the stores (hasn't happened... yet). Like 8 years ago I managed to turn my binge eating into anorexy... wish I could have that back. Back then I was right on my ideal weight, and I was happy, happy with my body, so happy that it was back then when I finally had my first relationship. I don't think it's a coincidence that I got myself a couple that also was a binge eater, and made me regain all the weight I had lost... And since then I haven't been able to lose weight, in fact, I keep gaining weight... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russ Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Right now, you're in a cycle. What kind of exercise are you doing? How much free time do you have? Even a 30-minute daily jog will release plenty of endorphins into your body, and killing off the cortisol (hormone secreted when you're stressed, using up more of your body's resources, which is why you're hungry). Also, you really have to change your mindset. There are MILLIONS of stories out there of people losing hundreds of pounds. Sure, it took them a year, two years, but hey, they ALL ACCOMPLISHED it. And last but not least, you've really got to prioritize why you want to lose weight. I mean, to be attractive to women is not enough, because it's not an ongoing motive. What'll happen when women are attracted to you? You'll stop exercising and eating right? Check out diseases and illnesses related to obesity. You'll scare yourself into getting back on track If you've got any questions, feel free to PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russ Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Right now, you're in a cycle. What kind of exercise are you doing? How much free time do you have? Even a 30-minute daily jog will release plenty of endorphins into your body, and killing off the cortisol (hormone secreted when you're stressed, using up more of your body's resources, which is why you're hungry). Also, you really have to change your mindset. There are MILLIONS of stories out there of people losing hundreds of pounds. Sure, it took them a year, two years, but hey, they ALL ACCOMPLISHED it. And last but not least, you've really got to prioritize why you want to lose weight. I mean, to be attractive to women is not enough, because it's not an ongoing motive. What'll happen when women are attracted to you? You'll stop exercising and eating right? Check out diseases and illnesses related to obesity. You'll scare yourself into getting back on track If you've got any questions, feel free to PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. I'm a total emotional eater and at one time, I had eaten myself all the way up to 270#. I ate to escape how sad and powerless I felt in my life. Food wouldn't tell me how worthless I was. Food wouldn't yell at me. Food required nothing of me and gave me nothing but pleasure in return. But I realized that if I didn't change my whole way of looking at myself and the world, I'd be fat and miserable my whole life. So I started making small changes. One a week and I was proud of myself to holding onto one change for a whole week and just adding another the next week and another until... I had changed my whole diet, exercise regime and emotional outlook. I feel so much better, so much more alive now. I know I can do anything I put my mind to, and that every step I take, every good choice I make will only serve to help me live a longer, healthier, happier life. I'm 30 years old, 6'6" and currently 220#, and I've never felt better in my life. I curtail almost all my breads, pastas, rices, potatoes, sodas and I eat nothing but lean proteins and lots of fresh fruits and steamed vegetables. It is an adjustment but every time I wanted to give up and reach for a bag of cheezits or dive into a hamburger, I remembered how fat and sad I was... How truly awful I felt, and I never want to feel that way again. You don't have to feel that way either. The power to feel better is in your hands. You just have to be brave enough to use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. I'm a total emotional eater and at one time, I had eaten myself all the way up to 270#. I ate to escape how sad and powerless I felt in my life. Food wouldn't tell me how worthless I was. Food wouldn't yell at me. Food required nothing of me and gave me nothing but pleasure in return. But I realized that if I didn't change my whole way of looking at myself and the world, I'd be fat and miserable my whole life. So I started making small changes. One a week and I was proud of myself to holding onto one change for a whole week and just adding another the next week and another until... I had changed my whole diet, exercise regime and emotional outlook. I feel so much better, so much more alive now. I know I can do anything I put my mind to, and that every step I take, every good choice I make will only serve to help me live a longer, healthier, happier life. I'm 30 years old, 6'6" and currently 220#, and I've never felt better in my life. I curtail almost all my breads, pastas, rices, potatoes, sodas and I eat nothing but lean proteins and lots of fresh fruits and steamed vegetables. It is an adjustment but every time I wanted to give up and reach for a bag of cheezits or dive into a hamburger, I remembered how fat and sad I was... How truly awful I felt, and I never want to feel that way again. You don't have to feel that way either. The power to feel better is in your hands. You just have to be brave enough to use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suesser Tod Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm 6'1" and 230... Should be 175, 180 tops... I was 180 at one time Females are the least of my concerns, it's something much more powerfull, liking myself. I mentioned the fact that back then I was able to get into a relationship because up to that point my self steem was too low, and when I finally lost weight I had a normal self steem. Right now, if someone looks at me, the last thing to cross my mind is that they might be attracted to me, I think that they are looking at me for any other reason except for attraction. It's like "Why are you looking at me, haven't you noticed I'm FAT?". And that is how I see myself, fat and disgusting. And feeling fat destroys any bit of selfsteem that I could have. It makes me think less of myself, I think that I'm going to screw everything up because I'm fat, etc. It is also taking a toll on my current relationship. How can you feel good with your couple if you don't feel good with yourself? I feel like closing my eyes during sex so I can't see myself, or turning the lights off. Maybe I'm stuck in that relationship because my self steem is too low? Maybe the relationship is good and might have a future, but I will destroy it as I'm not comfortable with myself? I've even tried cooking my own food and taking it to the office, and failed miserably. Sure, it was healthy food, but I binge in the afternoons, not at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suesser Tod Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm 6'1" and 230... Should be 175, 180 tops... I was 180 at one time Females are the least of my concerns, it's something much more powerfull, liking myself. I mentioned the fact that back then I was able to get into a relationship because up to that point my self steem was too low, and when I finally lost weight I had a normal self steem. Right now, if someone looks at me, the last thing to cross my mind is that they might be attracted to me, I think that they are looking at me for any other reason except for attraction. It's like "Why are you looking at me, haven't you noticed I'm FAT?". And that is how I see myself, fat and disgusting. And feeling fat destroys any bit of selfsteem that I could have. It makes me think less of myself, I think that I'm going to screw everything up because I'm fat, etc. It is also taking a toll on my current relationship. How can you feel good with your couple if you don't feel good with yourself? I feel like closing my eyes during sex so I can't see myself, or turning the lights off. Maybe I'm stuck in that relationship because my self steem is too low? Maybe the relationship is good and might have a future, but I will destroy it as I'm not comfortable with myself? I've even tried cooking my own food and taking it to the office, and failed miserably. Sure, it was healthy food, but I binge in the afternoons, not at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 So, you realize there are things you need to change. You're the thing that needs changing. Your mindset. Your goals. Your expectations of what is realistic. So what's the first change you're going to make this week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 So, you realize there are things you need to change. You're the thing that needs changing. Your mindset. Your goals. Your expectations of what is realistic. So what's the first change you're going to make this week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russ Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Ease into it. Start off by binging on healthier stuff. For example, my cheating generally consists of Fresca, since it's 0 cal and 0 sugar. I drink it whenever I feel like a snack, and it works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Ease into it. Start off by binging on healthier stuff. For example, my cheating generally consists of Fresca, since it's 0 cal and 0 sugar. I drink it whenever I feel like a snack, and it works for me. omg I love fresca! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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