DN Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Will you be happier with her and her attitude to sex or happier without her, especially if you can find someone who treats you well in every way including sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouton Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 I've just tried initiating diff types of affection (hand holding, kisses on her neck, sneaking up behind her with a hug, etc). I've sent her flowers, gotten her lingerie, scary movies, chick flicks, etc. Nothing works. lol I'm laughing, but more like in an unbelievable type of way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I've just tried initiating diff types of affection (hand holding, kisses on her neck, sneaking up behind her with a hug, etc). I've sent her flowers, gotten her lingerie, scary movies, chick flicks, etc. Nothing works. lol I'm laughing, but more like in an unbelievable type of way. You can try going on a trip for a few months. If when you come back and she wants to hug you, don't let her...or let her, if you actually WANT the hug. If I was at the point you're at...I wouldn't want it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprecision Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Did she enjoy sex when you two did have sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 It would seem this is not about you - it is the way she is, particularly since she was apparently like this with her previous boyfriend. Some people have a much less sexual or even non-existent sex drive than others and it appears she is one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouton Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Did she enjoy sex when you two did have sex? Yes, a ton. She wanted to do it again...so we did. Just getting her to do it is an impossible task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprecision Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 You two have only been going out for two and a half months, which is not a long time. So I don't really get this: Well, i do love the girl. She's supported me a heck of a lot through the time I've been unemployed. She's taken care of me, I've taken care of her. She knows what to say when I'm down in the dumps and she keeps me motivated. She's been good to me and i to her. I don't get this below either, because how do you know she would "go to the ends of the Earth" for you? In what way has she demonstrated this? I see what everyone is saying here. I'm prob going to ditch her very soon. It sucks though b/c she's so incredibly gorgeous and would go to the ends of the Earth for me...except in sex and affection. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I'll take a wild stab at the problem: Although the prevalent social dogma these days says that women want sex as much as men, this is often misleading. While some women can have sex as soon as they feel attracted to a man - for most women, sex is a natural outflow of the experience of intimacy. Especially when in the context of a relationship. Intimacy is created through verbal communication, especially when a man tells a woman how much he loves her, he needs her, or how important she is to him. Since she enjoyed sex when you two did have sex, she is obviously not frigid - at least not in the medical sense. Therefore, you should create a sense of connection or intimacy. That would naturally lead into sex. Your post is rather vague. Plus you said, "I see what everyone is saying here. I'm prob going to ditch her very soon," so I wonder how much you actually care about her. However, if she really loves you as much as you say she does, then I would hate to see you two break up over something like this. So I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikem Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Time to hit the road! Find a gal that is more affectionate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikem Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Agree 100%. The emotional blackmail never works. Either it's in them or it's not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouton Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 I've known her for a while, before we dated, so yeah, i do love her. I explained in an earlier post how she's helped me. I can't create a sense of connection or intimacy. I just tried talking to her. I asked her if she was physically attracted to me, and she said yes, of course. I asked her if she was sexually attracted to me, and she asked what I meant. She just doesn't get it. I tried to explain some things to her, but it just ended with her getting pissed off and going upstairs. As much as I love her, i may ditch her b/c i'm tired of being sexually frustrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Could you go to counselling together? Has she been to see a sex therapist? It sounds like she may have issues, or walls she has put up. Maybe she got them a long time ago and it has prevented her from opening her heart and becoming affectionate. What are her parents like? I think if you love her, its worth pursuing, you need to try and resolve these issues and she needs to WANT to. You need to explain you find it hard to live without affection/sex and you love her and WANT to work on it if she wants too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouton Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Could you go to counselling together? Has she been to see a sex therapist? It sounds like she may have issues, or walls she has put up. Maybe she got them a long time ago and it has prevented her from opening her heart and becoming affectionate. What are her parents like? I think if you love her, its worth pursuing, you need to try and resolve these issues and she needs to WANT to. You need to explain you find it hard to live without affection/sex and you love her and WANT to work on it if she wants too. That won't work. she's not rational. When you say something she doesn't like or want to hear, she gets up leaves, even if you follow her. She just did that to me when I tried to talk to her about it. I'm about to say screw it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 That won't work. she's not rational. When you say something she doesn't like or want to hear, she gets up leaves, even if you follow her. She just did that to me when I tried to talk to her about it. I'm about to say screw it. All the more reason to go on that trip for a few months. She's emotionally blackmailing you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 That won't work. she's not rational. When you say something she doesn't like or want to hear, she gets up leaves, even if you follow her. She just did that to me when I tried to talk to her about it. I'm about to say screw it. Yeah, she sounds like a winner. I hope I date 10 people just like her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khloe Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Many women use sex to manipulate men. I'm not saying that this is what she is doing but too often women manipulate and don't even know they're doing it. How atrocious that she suggested you go to the bathroom to relieve yourself! I've heard women say they've told a man to do just that and they were never women that acted respectful in other aspects of their relationship. It doesn't sound like she's sexually mature enough for a physical relationship from what you have posted. Was she sexually abused? If she has she may not wish to discuss that with you and you should respect that. You may have to accept a relationship that doesn't include physical or emotional intimacy but it sounds like you want those things. If you do then it may be best for the both of you to move on. If that isn't the case then I will say quite simply that a woman has a physical reaction when she feels a physical and emotional connection. Some women will date guys they don't have these particular feelings for just to be in a relationship. Just think about it. She is getting all the perks of a caring and interested bf without having to be a gf. That is incredibly selfish and appalling. Ditch the witch and allow yourself the opportunity to be involved with somebody less self involved. Make sure she is emotionally available because this one doesn't sound like she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightLily Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Same reason why people stay in abusive relationships: attraction. Let's face it, the only reason she's with him is because no man has been able to trigger her chemistry, so he doesn't stand out as one that attracted her to him. I just don't think it's fair that her needs are fulfilled while his aren't. The point of relationships is equality, and I think it's his obligation as a man to make things equal. If she offers sex, reject it, because she doesn't mean it and is only doing it to try and manipulate you into talking with her. It sounds as though you are assuming a woman's needs are fufilled by talking and a man's sex? Rather naive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 It sounds as though you are assuming a woman's needs are fufilled by talking and a man's sex? Rather naive... I'm not saying that at all, but rather that talking is a primary need for women, while sex is a secondary need. With men sex is a primary need while talking is secondary need. This doesn't apply to everyone, but seems to hold true in majority of the cases. Certainly does in the case of OP's significant other, don't you think? Also, since when is experience equated with naivette? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikem Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I think you need a woman who is affectionate. Even if you meet a girl who wants to wait till marriage before having sex, they could still be an affectionate type and your needs will be met in the interim before marriage. This lady sounds like she was probably abused and is now a 'Data' (Star Treck reference) type. I probably would consider moving on to a more affectionate woman. When you are with this type, they are always on the edge of 'detaching' emotionally and can use it against you. Especially, when you are more of a 'warm' type personality who needs more support and affection. Chalk it up to a compatibility issue and move on to new horizons. That's my thought... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khloe Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 You should read the thread by PsychGirly about her ex. Look at what she says she is feeling and what she is telling him. Many women will lie to save a person's feelings when their lies are actually more damaging than the truth. My opinion is that your gf isn't that into you, has been sexually abused, or messing with your head because she's not yet mature enough for an intimate (that doesn't just mean physical) relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veda999 Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 86 the ice princess and find someone more on your wavelength. Sorry, I know you don't want to hear it, but not every person is a puzzle to be solved. If she doesn't want to ride the vein train, there's not a lot you can do about it except find someone who will. Oh yes, listen to hexa, dump her now, it will not get better, and you will regret staying with her, get out, sorry to sound so cruel, but it will only get worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veda999 Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I'm not saying that at all, but rather that talking is a primary need for women, while sex is a secondary need. With men sex is a primary need while talking is secondary need. This doesn't apply to everyone, but seems to hold true in majority of the cases. Certainly does in the case of OP's significant other, don't you think? Also, since when is experience equated with naivette? excuse me, how can you determine what a woman's primary need is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Moderator Note: Please do not turn this thread into a debate on real or imagined gender differences - it will derail the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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