Kantriakhor Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 What is the point in this thread? Ganging together and then looking down on people who have cheated is just so wrong. Good people cheat, because the situation isn't always black and white. Granted it's emotional weakness that leads to cheating, but since when did weak and cruel go hand in hand? Good people can be weak. Smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics. I know weak willed people who are good people. There are heartless selfish people out there, but cheaters aren't always bad people. As I said only the corrupt or weak cheat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lights Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I can respect people wanting to "celebrate" the fact that they aren't flawed in this sense, but is this what we want to show potential newcomers? People search the web all the time looking for answers and desperate for help, and honestly, if I'd been a cheater who felt really down and needed support and had read this thread, I would have stayed FAR away from ENA. This isn't flattering to the community. All it shows is people patting themselves on the back for being "better" than others, and of all places I didn't expect to see that here. We are ALL here because parts of our lives aren't perfect and whether you're to blame for it or not, I don't think you'd appreciate seeing something like this based on something you are sensitive and vulnerable about. I'm also stunned that the thread still exists. I see them closed all the time for not asking for advice and being a pointless thread. This isn't asking advice, or making any kind of productive statement. It's just giving people an opportunity to stand on a pedestal. People can judge me however they'd like, but I feel like I still have the right to stand up and say something when I see hurtful behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine1 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 This thread was not created to talk about how "horrible" cheaters are, but more so just a chance for people who have done something good in a relationship to express that. It's not saying that these people are "better" than anyone else or on a pedastal, just that they have accomplished something in their relationships. There are many threads created to talk about positive things in relationships/their lives. If someone wanted to come to this baord feeling bad about cheating and looking for advice there are SEVERAL threads that have talked about that subject. This is ONE thread. As you are free to talk about your opinion, I think others are as well. I see nothing wrong with this thread. Obviously, the mods are free to see it how they do and choose to close it down if they don't feel its appropriate, but I don't think people discussing the fact that they HAVEN'T cheated is hurtful behavior. It is a good thing to be able to tell people - but it doesn't mean that anyone thinks they are better or are saying that those who have cheated are bad people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lights Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I guess I should have been more clear, the topic of this thread isn't what bothers me as much as the responses. Someone who needs help will read how disgusting and immoral they are, and think..."wow, I guess I won't get any help on that site". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarity Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I like this thread and here's why: I have been cheated on and that is what brought me to this particular forum. If you get into reading this forum, it can get quite depressing, it can make cheating seem so common - so it's nice to be reminded that cheaters are the exception, not the rule - that there are a lot of people out there who don't cheat, sometimes their entire lives. It is a nice thing to see in this forum that is otherwise littered with heartbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine1 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I guess I should have been more clear, the topic of this thread isn't what bothers me as much as the responses. Someone who needs help will read how disgusting and immoral they are, and think..."wow, I guess I won't get any help on that site". I don't think people are saying they are disgusting and immoral, but being cheated on IS hurtful and ISN'T a good behavior. It's not that they are bad people, but their behavior isn't exactly commendable either. So people SHOULD be able to express that. When a person comes to ENA and posts a thread that they have been cheated on - people respond to that by saying things about how terrible it was of the person to betray their trust, etc. This is no different, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lights Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 It's disgusting and immoral. You don't think anyone is saying that, sunshine? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine1 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You don't think anyone is saying that, sunshine? lol What I meant was - I don't think people are saying that cheaters are horrible, disgusting immoral people - but that their behavior was disgusting at some point in the relationship. This thread and responses weren't aimed at CHEATERS. They were aimed at those who HAVE NOT cheated. I don't want to keep debating the issue - obviously we both just have different opinions on the subject. I just don't think this thread is or was meant to offend anyone and it seems like people like to try and pick things apart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I haven't cheated on my LD boyfriend though if someone were to ask me why I haven't, I don't really know the answer now... But needless to say the reason for not cheating mainly has to do with me being a terrible liar, the risk of being caught off course and I think it's because the opportunity never showed up, I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 [/b] I also know deep down I will never cheat on anyone....! BUT who knows what might happen tomorrow. You know you will never cheat, but who knows what will happen tomorrow? Maybe you can explain that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You know you will never cheat, but who knows what will happen tomorrow?I pretty much said the same thing but I don't know. I might be having some ingredients that may change what the likely of never cheating is.. Fantasies can become real at times... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 What I meant was - I don't think people are saying that cheaters are horrible, disgusting immoral people - but that their behavior was disgusting at some point in the relationship. This thread and responses weren't aimed at CHEATERS. They were aimed at those who HAVE NOT cheated. I don't want to keep debating the issue - obviously we both just have different opinions on the subject. I just don't think this thread is or was meant to offend anyone and it seems like people like to try and pick things apart I have been cheated on, and I have never cheated, but I still see this thread for what it is: putting down cheaters. But.. going along the topic of this thread. Woohoo! Go me! I'm so great and perfect. I have never cheated. Everyone please bow down to my greatness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 never cheated....i doubt i ever will..like i said before, got cheated on before it it ripped my life apart....bad feeling to be cheated on, and i don't want anyone to feel the same way i did...i never cry, and i cried a lot during those times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I have been cheated on, and I have never cheated, but I still see this thread for what it is: putting down cheaters. But.. going along the topic of this thread. Woohoo! Go me! I'm so great and perfect. I have never cheated. Everyone please bow down to my greatness. Thou shalt not toot thy own horn. That is in the Bible I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kantriakhor Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I have been cheated on, and I have never cheated, but I still see this thread for what it is: putting down cheaters. If that's what you see it as then have fun, but I see it differently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine1 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 But.. going along the topic of this thread. Woohoo! Go me! I'm so great and perfect. I have never cheated. Everyone please bow down to my greatness. I don't think that was what this thread was looking for. Or what anyone else has said in this thread. NO ONE wants to be bowed down to or thinks they are perfect. If this thread bothers you so much - why read it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarternow Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks Nature, i appreciate that, so many people told me I was wrong for telling his wife, but if I were in her shoes, I would want the OW to tell me, I would like the chance to make an informed decision on whether I would stay with a cheater or not. I answered all questions for her, including personal sex questions about me and her husband. I feel proud of myself. His wife is now in a great relationship with a good guy, and completely free from her disrespectful cheating ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langford Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I've cheated many many times but I think its just the way i was raised without any rules etc and I never liked the idea of owning other people in that strange way.Or maybe I didnt love my bf enough. But now I can't imagine cheating, my friend was cheated on and it was so awful seeing them suffer by someone they trusted so much,esp. when trust is such a fragile thing.I could never cheat now knowing how sacred a thing trust is.You just can't have relationships without it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoTay Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well said. I'm an old-school guy. To me, marriage vows mean something. I would never, and have never cheated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well I havent cheated on a partner and don't believe I would - BUT .. I don't see it as a self-respect issue. For me its just too much hurt and betrayal to inflict on the person you're with. If my husband cheated on me, I wouldnt look at him and think he had no self-respect. I'd look at him and think he was selfish and wonder how he could risk hurting me as much as all that. How anything could be worth that decision. And so that's why I wouldnt do it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I have been cheated on, and I have never cheated, but I still see this thread for what it is: putting down cheaters. I think cheating on someone whose given their all to you IS bad behaviour. But I hate to say it does become more understandable to me in certain circumstances. And I know everyone says theres no "excuse" because you can always end the relationship and thats true but I'm not sure how much I buy into that because in certain circumstances it must be very hard to not just act on your emotional and needs at the time - rather than to stand by your moral code unfallibly. But thats why to me the decision not to cheat is directly connected to the person I'm with and how I feel about them. My bottom line is that if you love them, and you know they are a good person and try their best to be good to you - there are certain things that you shouldnt do to them no matter what.. cheating being one of them But when you take "if you love them and you know they are a good person and try their best to be good to you" out of the equation then I'm not sure I can say for certain where I stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LIFE Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I haven't cheated on my LD boyfriend though if someone were to ask me why I haven't, I don't really know the answer now... But needless to say the reason for not cheating mainly has to do with me being a terrible liar, the risk of being caught off course and I think it's because the opportunity never showed up, I don't know. Why don't you get out of the relationship then? I mean, from the way it sounds, you think it's ok to hurt your boyfriend if the opportunity arose?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Why don't you get out of the relationship then?I will sometime this year. Just that I don't want to waste my money on a calling card plus I don't feel like looking for him online. I'll let him do the calling and then tell him how I feel now. I mean, from the way it sounds, you think it's ok to hurt your boyfriend if the opportunity arose?? No I never stated that it would be ok to cheat on my boyfriend. Speaking of opportunities yes I did have lots of them way back in 2006-2007 when we were on the same place but since I was in love at the time, I never acted on them. Irony is I can talk about how I can maybe possibly go for a kiss or make-out session if the opportunity arouse now but I then if it were to come, I tend no to act on it. That's the confusing part, I can think and have attempts and even say I will do it but never put it into action when it's there.... But yes I will eventually break up. It's just that I at one point, thought I had a future with him. I was happy with the idea of him coming to visit me and we getting married from there, we committing to each other completely even if that meant bearing him kids (even if I DON'T want kids while he does). I was thinking I would marry my first, the one I loved back then but I don't see that coming as I don't feel it no more. I'm not in love with him no more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I've never cheated. Not something I'm necessarily 'proud' of, since I am just following my own moral code. Can't say I've never been tempted.. But I always knew it wasn't worth it. Funny thing is, DH is still pretty convinced that I did when we were first dating. Says he forgives me, but it irks me to no end, because I didn't...But, it's pretty tough to 'prove' you DIDN'T do something 22 years ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frostytheshowman50 Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I never cheated but I was so close to proposing to my ex girlfriend. So close only to found out I been played for an idiot for 3 months during our relationship. While I'm lucky I did not end up marrying a tramp, on the other hand, I don't think I will open up completely. I want to avoid getting cheated on again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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