Shy with difficulty opening up

[pigtails]

I have problems opening up and trusting men. I am a very shy person by nature, and I have had 2 serious boyfriends in the past. One of which I dated for a long time, and when I began to develop troubles with depression (which I expressed to him) he went behind my back and started seeing someone else, which devastated me and shattered my confidence. Before I dated him I had so much confidence with men, and enjoyed the company. Ever since then I have extreme difficulty being around men, and mostly feel uncomfortable around them. I'm afraid that if I open myself up to a guy again I am going to get used and thrown away. It's been 2 years and I've only dated 2 people since then, both experiences in my opinion have been disasters, because I had such difficulty being myself around them (and in both cases he/I had to move away for school). I know my confidence issues and anxiety problems (and the fact that I can't drink) attribute to this very much, but I can't help feeling already that the age of 23 that I'm going to be alone, forever! I keep telling myself (and keep being told) that this is supposed to be the age where you should be carefree about love and date as many people as possible, but that just doesn't seem to work for me! Is this normal?

[RideOn]

Stay positive! You are way too young to think that you are going to be alone for ever. If you dwell on that then you will become to sad. Sorry to hear that your past bf did that to you. It's very difficult to trust again but you will.

[boonpop]

I believe that the only reason we even attend school is to help us build our social skills. We learn from our peers what it means to be supported, to be ridiculed, to be trusted, loved, betrayed and hurt all in the same environment. If you're lucky, after that you go off to a university of some sort, with a fresh new slate and more peers to support, ridicule, trust, love and betray you all over again. We all go through it, but the second time makes us that much more wiser.

With that said, the problem isn't you trusting men, the problem is with you first having to love and appreciate yourself to the fullest. I don't know you, but shyness to me sounds like a fear of opening up. Not being able to or having difficulty being yourself sounds like you are afraid of what someone may think of you, or afraid that you won't be accepted. I'm here to tell you that after you realize your worth, open your heart and accept who you are, the rest of the world will see the energy you're giving off and you won't have to worry about people not accepting you for you. You'll be so at peace with yourself that you'd give less than a damn about what the next person says or thinks about you.

I can understand the emotion felt when you feel that you've opened up to a person, let them in your life and exposed your deepest secrets only to feel as though they rejected you and hung you out to dry. I'd love to tell you that it get's better from here, but the truth is, it doesn't. This site is full of people talking about how they were taken advantage of, abused, thrown away or rejected, and the only thing you have about you that differs from anyone else on this site is your mind. Make sure your mind, body, and spirit are in a positive place to receive love, and that's just what will come your way. Open up to the idea that no matter how shy, or imperfect you may feel, that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect and that's what the universe will send to you. Love.

Don't dwell on your past, you've already survived that by waking up this morning so consider that a necessary learning experience. Focus on being the you, that you know you want to be, the best you that you can be and you will attract the same kind of energy from the world that you release. And as for your question, yes, FEAR is a natural and normal human emotion, but it has no place in the minds of anyone aspiring to grow and develop in life.

[pigtails]

Thank you very much for those kinds and wise words, they were really helpful! Your are absolutely right when you say that fear of rejection stems from insecurity with ourselves, and it's definitely something I'm trying to work on...with a cheesy mantra that I repeat to myself in the mirror every morning haha...thanks a a lot!

[yeawutever]

Shyness is nothing to be worried about. I can be shy sometimes still (depending on the situation and who I'm talking to). I still lack some communication skills but that doesn't stop me from following my goals and trying to reach out to people. Remember one thing, if they don't like you for who you are then the problem is with them, you're not the problem, it's them. If they can't accept you then screw those people, you don't need them..

As far as relationship, you always take the risk of getting used, thrown away but remember that not everyone cheats and lies. Don't let a single jerk ruined your view on relationships and men.