CoCo2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 As some of you know I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks, we have been on 3 dates. Well yesterday I talked to him and he seemed really stressed out about work and stuff. I tried talking to him and letting him know that things will get better and that if he needs someone to talk to I'm there and he can vent to me all he wants blah blah blah. He said thanks and talked to me about some of the things he is stressed about, he owns a business and is training to be a police officer so I guess he is stressed because the economy is bad and stuff. Well anyways I don't know if my advice was good enough. I was just trying to listen to him or whatever. We were talking on AIM, well I just don't know, I feel like maybe my advice sucked or something...I don't know, and he hasn't asked me out again yet either. I feel funny. Meh...I feel kinda bummed out I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbone Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 He's got a lot on his mind, running a business and police training have to be pretty draining and time-intensive. You just talked to him yesterday, correct? Give him some time, a couple days. You've been out three times and if it's obvious you like him you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 Ok, thanks...I guess I was feeling bad because I'm not good at giving good advice because I'm in a bad situation myself right now being unemployed and stuff. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 CoCo2009 - Girl we are on the same boat. It really sucks. I've been dating this guy for EXACTLY 3 weeks (well, 2.5) and gone on EXACTLY 3 dates. On Sunday he asked: "See you this week?", and I told him yeah, we should try to set something before we both travel for the long weekend on friday. He said he'd call me. Well, it's tuesday and I haven't heard a peep from him. I'm freaking out too. How did your last date go? When was it??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 Hi Our date went well on Saturday, I really like this guy because he keeps his word and he calls when he says he will etc. On the drive back to my house he said I should come out to see him but he doesn't know how open his weekend looks yet. So I'm not sure if he will even ask me out this week I kinda miss him... a little bit. lol a tiny bit... okay a lot. lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Maybe if he is worrying about his business and money, he's not asking you out because he can't afford to pay for dates... Next time you talk to him, why don't you just invite him over to hang out at your house and watch some DVDs or TV? And tell him that if money is tight, you don't have to go out and spend a lot of money because you just enjoy his company. I think it is great he confided in you... you don't even have to give advice all the time, just listen and that can help him a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Maybe if he is worrying about his business and money, he's not asking you out because he can't afford to pay for dates... Next time you talk to him, why don't you just invite him over to hang out at your house and watch some DVDs or TV? And tell him that if money is tight, you don't have to go out and spend a lot of money because you just enjoy his company. I think it is great he confided in you... you don't even have to give advice all the time, just listen and that can help him a lot. Yeah I was thinking that too, I was just trying to give him some positive outlooks or whatever. lol....I mean it was over AIM so I was trying to kinda show him that I was listening and not just reading it and not responding at all. You think I should ask him out again though. I mean I asked him out last weekend to the movies and I paid for the movie because he drove an hour to see me...I felt that was trying to show him that I appreciate him coming out to see me. I have gas money to drive out to where he lives but I don't know if I should be the one to initiate the date since I did last time...you know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 CoCo2009 - I know exactly what you mean, and again, I'm in the same position. Initiated the date last time, ball is in his court now. We just have to wait! You seem like a terrible waiter, like me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 If you asked last, then wait for him to ask. If he brings up money in another conversation, just let him know your dates don't have to be a big deal, you're happy to watch a DVD at home or his house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 brazilgirl21 --- Yes I am a terrible waiter, I very anxious all the time I HATE WAITING LOL Thanks Lavenerlove, I'm just going to wait and see what happens, thanks for the help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Girls, girls, please try to relax! I know that's a bit like trying NOT to think about something, but when we're needy and anxious it's likely to make us read stuff into things which aren't really there, get unnecessarily worried and come over as possessive or clingy. If you can, get enthusiastically into something else and it really will while away the time you'd otherwise spend anxiously waiting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm not needy or possessive or clingy, just asking for advice on here...I like to get other peoples opinions. I love this place lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Coco, you're going to find anything to worry about with this guy, aren't you? I'm sure (positive even) that just the effort you made in talking to him was bigger than any piece of advice you could've given. Stop worrying!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm not needy or possessive or clingy, just asking for advice on here...I like to get other peoples opinions. I love this place lol. I wasn't for one moment suggesting you were needy, possessive or clingy - actually, the fact that you have so much to give when your own situation is far from ideal suggests the opposite - what I was saying is that when we're anxiously waiting, it's likely to come over as needy to the other person when we speak to them, in all sorts of subtle ways. None of us comes over as our 'best selves' when we're feeling anxious! Good luck, and hope it all goes well with this fella! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I wasn't for one moment suggesting you were needy, possessive or clingy - actually, the fact that you have so much to give when your own situation is far from ideal suggests the opposite - what I was saying is that when we're anxiously waiting, it's likely to come over as needy to the other person when we speak to them, in all sorts of subtle ways. None of us comes over as our 'best selves' when we're feeling anxious! Good luck, and hope it all goes well with this fella! Ohhhhh I understand what you are saying, sorry I misunderstood ... thanks Hersmudders its not that I'm trying to find something wrong I guess I just feel like my advice sucked but I guess even trying to listen to him was good enough...is that what you are saying? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yep that's what I'm saying. Stop worrying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 He called, he didn't ask me out but he called so thats good...lol. Just thought I would add that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 good! see the big picture instead of no picture at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 sounds good that he called! like the others said, if he is nervous about money, then suggest watching a DVD or taking a walk or getting some ice cream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 But I asked him out last weekend though! That wouldn't seem kinda....forward or something like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 You could just say "let me know when you wanna hang out next". Gets the message accross without you asking him out and still leaving it in his court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 you need to chill out. every time you talk to this guy you start to overanalyze everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I know, I'm annoying myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pace of ace Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Try and relax coco. I'm one of the "over-analysers" myself and all it does it put your head so much in a spin, you can't enjoy the moment. Just keep it calm. Here's betting he asks to see you again before long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 You could just say "let me know when you wanna hang out next". Gets the message accross without you asking him out and still leaving it in his court. lol I was thisclose to doing it but I couldn't do it. :silly: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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