Don't know what to do.....

[Ed1]

Apologies if I have posted in the wrong section - my problem spans a number of areas, and I could really do with some help to try and make things clearer!

 

First a bit about me....

 

I am in my mid 30's, living with my g/f in her mid 20's....who I have been with nearly 2 years. Previous to this I was with my ex for 8 years. I messed things up with my previous partner - and I do feel that I have to live with that.

 

I have just felt totally lost for the past 2 / 3 years...... I used to have everything, all the material things, nice house, nice car etc, and a great group of coupley mates. A big chunck of that was lost when I split up with my ex.

 

I just keep thinking that I am a failure..... I want to change my life, but I don't know how, what....

 

My g/f is a gorgeous, kind, intelligent woman.... the age difference doesn't really cause any problems, apart a few niggles - she likes to stay in touch with her ex's, she has a more liberal opinion of what is acceptable - i.e. going out with mates and her ex.... I don't like it, but she won't change, and I put this down to my being over sensitive... which maybe it is, maybe it isn't! I just worry that at sometime she will look at me, maybe not now or in the near future, but I worry that at some point she will look at me and the age difference will become an issue for her - say I am 60 she is 50 as an example. So I really worry about this, and if I should cut my losses, as I really don't want to invest 10 - 20 years in a relationship which may be fundamentally flawed for this reason.

 

Then my job.... I really want to work overseas..... if I don't do it now, mid 30's, no kids, no ties.... then I never will. The thought of it excites me, but also scares the hell out of me...... my partner says she will consider it, but I don't think she is really keen. I also want to progress, achieve my full potential..... and that may mean moving employers, which again after 15 years is a daunting thought......

 

Basically, I feel like I am at a crossroads..... all the decisions seem so big...... and it is really cooking my head. I can't really sleep because my mind is working over drive, I feel empty, like I have no direction...... it is horrible, and I just wish I could find a way of making things easier..... clearer choices....

 

Any help, advice, would be greatly appreciated.

 

Many thanks...

[Celestialagape54]

I think that should be doing whatever makes you happy even if that means going overseas. We only have this one life, and you should enjoy it to its full potential.

[odile]

It's funny, but on one hand you're sort of lamenting the fact that you no longer have the really settled sort of life that

you shared with your ex- "all the material things, nice house, nice car etc, and a great group of coupley mates"; and on the other hand you're saying that you want to enjoy the freedom that you have now:

 

"want to work overseas..... if I don't do it now, mid 30's, no kids, no ties.... then I never will. The thought of it excites me, "

 

but are afraid to do so:

 

"but also scares the hell out of me...... my partner says she will consider it, but I don't think she is really keen. I also want to progress, achieve my full potential..... and that may mean moving employers, which again after 15 years is a daunting thought......"

 

To me, you sound ambivalent about what YOU want to do with YOUR life.

The pressure's on a bit now that your in your 30's-- it seems silly, but people do really feel this pressure in a way that you just don't see coming when you're in your 20's.

 

With that in mind, I think that you should stop focusing on your girlfriend as the source of your discontent-- it sounds like it's not her- it's your own ambivalence that's driving you nuts.

 

Start making a plan of the things that you want to do most over the next few years.

If you want to move overseas, then go for it.

If you want her to follow, then see if she'll join you.