What is it about people who mostly have friends of the opposite sex?

[Eye]

Some people have friends who are almost entirely the opposite sex. They don't easily make friends with their own kind, but they DO make friends easily with the opposite.

 

I know both males and females like this, young and old; some who get lots of dates, but most don't. My sister is one of these people. Most of my friends are, too. And so am I. (For instance, married women flock to me--not to cheat, just to converse or whatever.)

 

The only three common threads I can detect among them all: they're all straight, they're all single, and none of them are super shy. (Most are in the middle, like me, but one is super outgoing.)

 

So I've always wondered--what does this say about the person?

 

It must mean something. Probably something obvious I can't see

 

I wonder if there's a connection between how easily I make friends with women, and how uninterested they are romantically. But that aside, I also just want to hear ideas about anything this pattern might reveal about me (and my friends).

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm not single, but I definitely have a lot of guy friends.

 

I just get along with guys a lot better. I was always the tomboy growing up and you just can't talk video games and geeky stuff with too many girls. Also, I'm just plain more forgiving of guys.

 

When a girl makes a catty comment, I dislike them.

When a guy makes a catty comment, I assume they are insecure and cut them some slack.

[gidget1]

I was a typical tomboy character my whole life and had more male friends allll my life. Right now I have only two close female friends, who are like sisters to me, and I don't know any other girls.

I couldn't really tell you why I have so many male friends. I've always gotten along with guys well.. I find that not many girls will stick around me and stay friends with me for a long time, not sure why this is. I can easily make friends with women who are a lot older than me, but girls I meet at uni/bars or are friends of friends for example, who are between 18-21 just don't really click with me for some reason. I find most girls (in my age group) are terribly judgemental (I know men are just the same but not so forward with their judgements). I don't really like judgemental people.

You got me thinking there's something wrong with me!

[Eye]

Not wrong, necessarily... maybe just different! But maybe different in a way that affects dating, which makes me want to understand it. (And maybe the answer is different for women than for men. I don't know many men like this--mostly just me!)

 

I think it's a puzzle for those of us in the middle of it! Anyone who's NOT like this care to clue us in on what it might mean?

 

Two points you two have made me think of:

 

1. Maybe we just have hobbies that match the opposite sex? Not true in my case. "Girly stuff" bores me rigid. I'm not a stereotypical guy, but my hobbies/interests are more guy things than girl things. And my female friends who tend to have guy friends are not tomboys: they're into girly stuff, and guy stuff bores them.

 

2. I notice I get along a bit better with older males than with men my age or younger. Whereas women of all ages like me (in a friend way) and vice versa. I'm not sure if the same is true of my female friends. Something to think about.

[Mimori]

I feel more comfortable and relax around men then women. Women in general are really insecure, emotional, judgmental, uptight, etc… I get really picky on who I choose a female friend. Granted, men show the same qualities, but they’re more expected of it.

 

Girls have some of the worse streaks for being vengeful and moody. Where you have to watch yourself more carefully... And some don’t exactly like the fact I love to talk about sex and “guy” things such as gaming. But that is primarily because of the girls in my area.

 

I’ve also been told I’m a natural flirt (unintentional) and poise a threat to their boyfriends.

 

But primarily, it’s just I feel guys are more relaxed and fun to be around. They enjoy the moment more and don’t want to sit and talk about how the boyfriend didn’t call them…

 

There are times when I don’t mind listening to a persons problem…but most of the time I’d rather be enjoying life with little to no focus on all of the pessimistical problems there are.

[gidget1]

Okay I've been thinking more about this and I'm even more stumped than before.

I don't like how picky/judgemental/catty girls can be, yet a lot of my male friends are the same. I don't like hearing for hours about a girls insecurities and life-problems, yet a lot of my male friends invite me over often purely so they can have a little cry/heart to heart/open up, yet that never seems to bother me. To be honest I have no idea. I just feel like I am on a complete different wave-length to most girls. I rarely meet girls I click with, I rarely meet girls who I DO click with, that want to be my friend, but guys are so much more relaxed than that. I feel that more guys are willing to be my friend (whether the reasons be obvious to you or not) than girls. Maybe it's because all these guys see this as a chance to be with me? I don't know. I like to give them the benefit of the doubt (although my boyfriend doesn't) and just think that they want to be my friend!

[sparkles4]

I have more guy friends than girls. I've always been a bit of a tomboy and I have an easier time getting along with guys. With girls it's harder to find things to talk about, plus a lot of girls don't seem to like other girls or want to be friends with them. It gets even more difficult to make girl friends when you're one of those girls who hangs out with a lot of guys, because girls will call you every skanky name in the book.

[Imprecision]

I know both males and females like this, young and old; some who get lots of dates, but most don't. My sister is one of these people. Most of my friends are, too. And so am I. (For instance, married women flock to me--not to cheat, just to converse or whatever.)

 

I wonder if there's a connection between how easily I make friends with women, and how uninterested they are romantically. But that aside, I also just want to hear ideas about anything this pattern might reveal about me (and my friends).

 

A guys should have male friends. There's just that something about a guy-guy friendship which guy-girl friendships don't give.

 

Now, I don't know you personally, so I can be way off. Forgive me, if that's the case. However, if a guy - 1. has a lot of female "friends," and 2. has few romantic prospects - this tells me that he is too "nice."

 

My recommendation to you is:

 

1. Talk more, especially about yourself. On a first date, the most important thing a guy can do is to talk about himself - e.g. his views, his opinions, his values, his history, his stories, his past, his world, his family, his friends, his goals, his beliefs, etc.

 

2. Don't be a pushover. For instance, if a girl disagrees with you, instead of letting it slide, explain your view clearly and confidently. When you and a girl are hanging out, you should take control. You can choose to compromise, you can choose to yield - but it should always be your decision.

 

If you can do these two things, then girls will naturally take a romantic interest in you.

 

These days, a lot of girls take a strong, romantic interest in me. The reason is because I know what girls want on a first date or first hanging out. If you can apply these two points on a first date, then everything follows.

 

Addition

 

2. I notice I get along a bit better with older males than with men my age or younger. Whereas women of all ages like me (in a friend way) and vice versa. I'm not sure if the same is true of my female friends. Something to think about.

 

This confirms my previous diagnosis.

 

Gidget,

 

Okay I've been thinking more about this and I'm even more stumped than before.

I don't like how picky/judgemental/catty girls can be, yet a lot of my male friends are the same. I don't like hearing for hours about a girls insecurities and life-problems, yet a lot of my male friends invite me over often purely so they can have a little cry/heart to heart/open up, yet that never seems to bother me. To be honest I have no idea. I just feel like I am on a complete different wave-length to most girls. I rarely meet girls I click with, I rarely meet girls who I DO click with, that want to be my friend, but guys are so much more relaxed than that. I feel that more guys are willing to be my friend (whether the reasons be obvious to you or not) than girls. Maybe it's because all these guys see this as a chance to be with me? I don't know. I like to give them the benefit of the doubt (although my boyfriend doesn't) and just think that they want to be my friend!

 

Yes, this is because men and women are naturally attracted to each other. That's why when a guy hangs out with a girl, it's less important what he talks about than that he acts likes a man.

[brokenpogostick]

I was a tomboy growing up and for the most part I still am. I've never been into hair, makeup or gossiping. I'd rather be out muddin' getting my car stuck or getting my drink on somewhere with a group of friends. I'm just not interested in what the typical chick is. I like to get rowdy, curse and tell off color jokes

 

Something no one has mentioned in the thread so far - could it be for insecurity issues - like if a chick doesn't have many chick friends then there's no competition for her?

[jenny_mcs]

I had all brothers growing up, was a tomboy, am still into sports, but although I have a few good guy friends, most of my closest friends are women. I think people who can't connect with their own sex do have some fundamental issues- maybe like the above poster said- some insecurities- the need to not have "competition" around, or the constant need for validation from the opposite sex.

[Imprecision]

I had all brothers growing up, was a tomboy, am still into sports, but although I have a few good guy friends, most of my closest friends are women. I think people who can't connect with their own sex do have some fundamental issues- maybe like the above poster said- some insecurities- the need to not have "competition" around, or the constant need for validation from the opposite sex.

 

Now, this is not entirely true, because some girls do mix with guys better - and for real, e.g. not because of a need for validation, etc.

 

However, many girls do use "I connect with guys better" as an excuse.

 

It's easy to distinguish between the two if you have any experience with people.

 

Now, speaking again as a guy, a guy should have guy friends. This is because other guys are your real peers. Girls are not your peers. Yes, it's fun to hang out with girls sometimes, and sometimes it's good to have the attention. Also, some girls are your real friends - Real guy-girl friendship is definitely possible.

 

However, "I connect with the opposite sex better" is too often used as an excuse. Be honest with yourself - What exactly are you looking for you hang out with a person?

 

Addition

 

Also, it's definitely not because of "hobbies." My interests are stereotypically feminine - e.g. literature, languages, herbalism, floristry, etc. In high-school, I spent every afternoon in an entire year reading Victorian romances, e.g. Bronte, Austen, etc. However, I recognise, as a basic intuitive fact, that girls are not my peers.

 

I also pride myself as a guy who understands women. I think I understand women better than 99% of guys out there. The fact is - the more you understand the opposite sex, the more you recognise the sharp divide between the sexes. Women intuitively understand this. Men are often in denial about how different women are from them.

 

And yes, in terms of quantity, I have far more girl "friends" than guy friends. So yes, I understand the natural attraction which occurs between men and women. But out of these girl "friends," only a few I would consider my real friends (and whom, as my real friends, I take no romantic interest in). The rest are just for fun.

[sparkles4]

I think people who can't connect with their own sex do have some fundamental issues- maybe like the above poster said- some insecurities- the need to not have "competition" around, or the constant need for validation from the opposite sex.

 

This is definitely not true for everybody (and certainly not for myself), but I do see what you mean. There are some girls who will hang around guys who they call friends, but not have a real friendship with them as much as a vague teasing thing that they do for male attention and validation. They act flirty towards the guys that they hang out with, and the guys stick around in hopes that something will happen. It's not a friendship relationship, but since nothing physical is technically happening, it's easy to pass it off as "we're just friends".

[lady00]

I think it's really an individual thing. I know some people who just seem to relate better to people of the opposite sex without any negative connotations (none that I have noticed). On the other hand, there are also some people who buy into stereotypes about their own gender that makes them want to avoid making friends with people of their own gender (in many cases, from what I have observed, this is due to past negative experiences with being betrayed by friends of their own gender).

[Rickster]

 

The only three common threads I can detect among them all: (1)they're all straight, (2)they're all single, and (3)none of them are super shy. (Most are in the middle, like me, but one is super outgoing.)

 

1)yes

2)yes

3)no

 

I find making friends with girls are a lot easier than guys. I think it's got to do with emotional openess. With guys they always seem to put on a show to act macho, emotionally strong and cool. I don't get that with girls - they will not pretend to be strong when they are not. And I think it builds the friendship more easily this way because you understand each others feelings.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

So i have probably 5 or 6 really close friends that i talk to regulary. Out of that only 1 is a girl. My "best friend" who is female and i are rarely in contact. But the guys will call up just to chat.

 

Now i am neither a tom boy or a girly girl. I think i sit somewhere in the middle. I will run through the mud chasing after someone, but i always like to dress up nice to go out. I'm insanely shy with anyone i'm attracted too. But very outgoing with other people. So i don't really fit into any of the stereotypes about the girls who have more guy friends.

 

To me, my guy friends have been alot better friends then the girls. The girls tend to gossip and talk about you behind your back, whereas the guys i know are more likely to discuss it with me if i've done something wrong, which is what i am like too. The guys also seem to put in a bit more effort when it comes to friendships too. When girls go the "I'm going to miss you so much and txt you every day and we'll never truly be apart" and then you never here from them again, the guys are more likely to say "I'll see you around" and then they call you to catch up and what not.

 

That all being said, i still have a majority of girl friends over guy friends. Just that the people i'm closest too all seem to be guys.

[firequeen1112]

I don't think there is anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. I have more guys friends then girlfriends like others have commented I feel comfortable being around guys they are more laid back - everything almost is pretty much black and white. but on the other hand my girlfriends and I enjoy having fun as well, so having both genders balances everything. Just enjoy the friendships you have whether it is male or female.

[Eye]

Some good thoughts. Thanks, all!

 

In regards to my case:

 

1. Having male friends. Yes--my absolutely closest, oldest friend, who I hang out with more than the rest, is male (not to mention a good advisor, as he's crawling with women). I couldn't have the same kind of friendship with a woman. But most of "the rest" (not all) are female, and if I walk into a group of strange guys I feel less comfortable than walking into a group of strange women. (It's not an excuse to hang around women--it really is more comfortable for me. Hanging around guys seems like more work and less fun.)

 

2. Talking about yourself and standing firm on your disagreements when on a date. Again, yes. Four years ago when I started dating I did a little of that but I wasn't conscious of the strategy. In more recent years, I have applied the strategy consciously. (It hasn't helped, but I still think it's necessary.) I am always aware that when I talk about myself, the women never ask questions to keep the conversation going. They change the subject (generally directing attention on themselves) and I change it back. That takes force of will, but I consciously make the effort to do it, to the point where it's basically habit these days.

 

I'm still "nice" underneath, though--and they may well perceive that and dislike it. You can run from your true self, but you cannot hide! (Plus, I always think--what if I got the fake act down PERFECT and was a cocky jerk... I might get women, but then eventually they'd have to meet the real me. So the act might get me one night stands but it wouldn't get me something long term. All academic, since I could never be a perfect actor. I can fine tune my personality, but I can't be someone else.)

 

A cynical and oversimplified version of my experience with women: the one thing they want above all else is attention. And the one thing they will not stand is a man who gives it to them.

 

The "nice" theory is useful because it answers my suspicion that the reason why females DO like me is the SAME reason that they don't like me "in that way." In my thinking, I didn't use the word "nice," but rather "good listener." That's a bad thing to be on a date. And that's pretty much the same as saying "talk about yourself more!"

 

Maybe I've mastered the talking about myself, but what I need to do now is master NOT letting the woman talk about herself. (Annoying, since I do want to know about the woman I'm dating--how else do I decide if I like her?)

 

Can I change that much? I'll know when I start losing female friends

[Brightest Dark]

I'm quite a shy female and tend to prefer guys as friends although do have some female friends. It's kinda weird but most of my best friends live far away. I don't know why - but certain people I just get on well with - and most of them have lived in far away places. I think I do become more comfortable with male friends. Maybe because I'm shy I become friends with them because they at some point fancied me so wanted to get to know me because of that reason (so they made the effort to get to know me), whereas you are less likely to make new friends unlike you are outgoing and like making friends. I feel like I can tell guys more things and trust them more than females for some reason. I am a bit insecure and do feel more secure with male friends - but it depends who it is. Maybe it's because the girls I've known seem to go after lots of different guys and that puts me off. I do sometimes worry that if I had a boyfriend then my female friends might fancy him because they seem to fancy everyone. I wish I had more close friends who live in my town, but my town's a bit crap and small and I like rock music and there aren't many people with the same taste. I also hate when you're friends with someone and they get a girlfriends or boyfriend and suddenly don't care about your friendship. That kind of thing sucks. I've had both guy and girl friends who do that. I suppose it's understandable but it still sucks.

[RedWingsFan]

I'm a 25 year-old single male who gets along more easily with females than males. I'll befriend females very quickly if I am not interested in them.

 

Why? I find the typical male aggressiveness and competitiveness annoying. I like intelligent conversations, as well; trying to socially one-up with me how often you're laid or how much you can bench press is not my ideal conversation.

 

Further, I'm single. I need to find the ladies somehow

[Blue Spiral]

I have one male friend...and a ridiculous number of female friends. My reasons for it are similar to those described above.

[Waffles]

I think that the typical response is "I am a tomboy" and while that might be a good reason, I don't think that is really ultimately it.

 

I don't consider myself as a tomboy, because it doesn't really make sense. I like fixing motorcycles, riding motorcycles, snowboarding, ATVing, outdoorsy stuff, hockey, video games, and about a hundred more things a typical girl my age might not have much interest in. However, I like shopping, makeup, and fashion in general. Not interests a tomboy or a guy would have.

 

I'm shy and insecure, and I have complete and full awareness of the severity of it.

 

Whenever I see a girl, I compare myself against her. I see her like I see a guy that I don't know: I think that if she is more attractive than me, which I think most girls are, that she would have no interest in knowing me. On the flipside, when I do actually start talking to a girl, she will, a lot of the time, have things to say that are not within my range of interests, or she'll speak in a manner that I find unintelligent. I think maybe I'm just picky, but often I find girls either judgmental, intimidating, snotty, and vapid. If I met somebody who had more of my interests and was a girl, I would get along with her great. And I do have a few friends who are girls.

 

With men it is the same, I actually find it harder to initially make friends with a guy because I think that if they don't find me attractive, they don't have an interest in even being just friends with me. Most of the friends that I have are male, having grown up with male friends, I think I just prefer doing activities with them. I can't ride a motorcycle with any girls that I know. I can't really discuss the new games that are coming out for xbox with girls that I know. I CAN go shopping with girls that I know, I CAN lay on the beach all day and get a tan with girls that I know. Actually, it ends up that a lot of my friends are guys that I have either known since childhood, have dated, or had a brief fling with.

[JusticeLaw9]

Sometimes I have trouble understanding both sexes, so I don't see the difference of one being more easy to communicate with then the other.

 

Men are just as complicated, catty, gossipy and emotional as women are, it's the same exact thing. The bottom line is, you just have to judge each person individually and not according to some statistical scale based on your pass successes and failures. Everybody is different, so the rules can't apply the same all the time.

 

I get along with both fairly well and I've had my share of women to hangout with, date, have sex with (if I choose) or just friends to kick it with. I've had numerous opportunties and still do. But, there's something more that I am looking for besides a quick hit. I am looking for the real thing so nothing else matters. I know what I'm looking for so anything else that comes up and isn't it, gets left behind. People can either get with it, get lost. I've made some good female friends that respect me for that, regardless of my status with them. Why? Because it's the truth and they know it is because of the way I carry myself with them.