GF had condoms in her purse. Would you be concerned?

[waveseer]

Maybe she was afraid you'd find them at home and make a big stink over nothing so she took them to work, had second thoughts, and then brought them home again. I am not claiming she knows what she's doing, only that she shouldn't be presumed guilty.

[jettison]

I have been sleeping with the same woman for 10 months now. We used condoms exactly once. One time. I currently have condoms in my nightstand, in three different backpacks, in my luggage, under the bed, in my medicine cabinet, and probably a lot of other places that I don't even remember. I haven't used a one of them since I started sleeping with her.

 

I can open up her fridge and see mustard, and I can pretty much assume that at some point over the last year she's had a sandwich of some sort. But with condoms? I don't think that you can conclude the same thing. I have them everywhere, but they mean nothing.

 

But if she suddenly quizzed me about "All these freaking condoms?!?!" I would probably try to defend myself. Which means I'd probably become defensive. Which means I'd probably seem a little guilty of something.

 

p.s. When I was 15 I put a condom in my wallet, and it was the same one I had there two years later, expired. This was a wallet and not even a purse. It's just a condom. Similarly, people that own guns haven't necessarily killed their neighbor.

[LostSpartan]

Exactly, and also my main point. The way I see it, no offense OP, the problem is yours primarily and then hers because she's the one trying to get along with your suspicious nature.

 

I disagree with you. Not only because I know my self and I know its not my problem. Secondly, read this thread. Ha Noone agrees with you.

[waveseer]

I disagree with you. Not only because I know my self and I know its not my problem. Secondly, read this thread. Ha Noone agrees with you.

 

No problem, I didn't give my opinion to win popularity points. If I am wrong I am sorry this happened to you, and if I am right I am also sorry this happened to you.

 

*hug*

[waveseer]

Were you a boy scout by any chance?

[Bad Wolf]

I disagree with you. Not only because I know my self and I know its not my problem. Secondly, read this thread. Ha Noone agrees with you.

 

I agree with waveseer, it is your problem. You asked her if she had any and your excuse was cause of a dream... If it wasn't for your trust issues, you wouldn't be having this problem. Now you're either going to have to give her the benefit of the doubt and get over it or do something that could potentially ruin the relationship.

 

Does what she said really make you think she's cheating? Has she done anything else that would make you think she's cheating? If not then you have NO reason to doubt her.

[DN]

I am truly amazed at the lengths people seem to go to to find an innocent explanation for what is clearly highly suspicious behaviour. If she was innocent all she had to do was say they were from a long time ago and leave it at that. But she didn't - she came up with possibly the lamest excuse since 'the dog ate my homework'. It's frankly ridiculous and insulting to the intelligence to expect anyone to accept it.

[lady00]

To me the strange thing about this situation is not the simple fact that she had condoms. It's the other stuff. That alone could have had an innocent explanation. Several, in fact (they'd been there for years, she didn't want to throw them out in case you two needed them etc...several reasons why she'd want to keep them that are completely understandable).

 

However, instead of providing a simple innocent explanation, she provided three...two of which were a little off and surprised me when I read them. Not wanting to throw out personal stuff in the trash...OK...maybe, but I'm not sure why that would be a big deal to throw them out at your place or at some other trash can. Anyway, it's the other thing that she said that I found odd. The whole fingerprint thing...I would understand not wanting to throw them away at her school where there are young children because that would be inappropriate. But she could have thrown them away elsewhere.

 

Is this enough to know she is cheating? Not in my mind. Is it odd? Yeah, I would go that far. But at the end of the day, I'd take a wait-and-see approach if there is no other suspicious activity (keeping in mind that the condoms thing may be innocent, although I still find her response quite odd--odd doesn't necessarily equal cheating).

[tiredofvampires]

I have you beat, man. Haha. I haven't had sex in 3 years, and yet I've had a partially used box of condoms all this time, even though I could easily buy a new box as something seemed to be blossoming (and frankly, I'd just want to anyway, symbolically to start on a new "leaf"), and I'm not the "have spontaneous sex I didn't expect so be prepared" type. And I still have a bottle of warming lube, even though it's expired. Why? I just haven't bothered to throw it away, as I only noticed it while hunting for something else.

 

I also agree with you, Jetts, that the trust here is shabby enough that a relationship is moot, because all this suspicion is anathema to a good relationship.

 

I am going to agree that in this case, innocent until proved guilty, and that even though there are some "suspicious" elements to this, there are actually equally suspicious elements that indicate the OP is speaking in shades of paranoia, and that his gf was stumbling around his scrutiny in an awkward way, therefore implicating herself, and making it look even worse.

 

I didn't read the other thread included in this thread, but I gather that it turned out she was vindicated in that. So there is already a proven record that past fears have been unfounded.

 

Next:

 

-- you interrogated her based on a dream; a dream that her ex was a killer. If that then translates into her carrying condoms and cheating on you, I have to question your reasoning abilities, as this is completely non sequitur

 

-- this:

 

 

 

You are telling us to read your mind. We can't know for SURE what you "need to read", since we aren't clairvoyant, so we can only on this board tell you what we "think you need to read". This demanding little rider is something no one has mentioned here, but I think it reveals something about the OP's personality. It somehow assumes we are going to be disingenuous here, or not talk with sincerity, or something else, so this is the OP actually treating US as he might his gf. I feel somehow presumed guilty of something or warned in advance about being dishonest with him, even though I am an anonymous poster and a total stranger on a board, as though he is already calculating what answers people might give.

 

Sometimes it's the tiniest of clues that you'd think are meaningless that are the most meaningful.

 

 

 

It would be an easy lie to say, "It was from a long time ago." It's much harder to concoct something as idiosyncratic and "creative" as the story she provided. Sometimes, people don't really have convincing stories, or think what they're about to say is nuts, so they hesitate. I mean, I wouldn't really feel like telling someone that I've carried condoms in a purse because I'm so afraid of getting an STD from being raped, I actually just have carried them to feel protected in some way. It's almost irrationally ludicrous to think that is a prudent thing to do, and that in such a situation, I'd be able to say to a rapist, "Hold on, it's cool, just so long as we protect ourselves." It's probably insane, is what that is. But people have weird worries and neurotic ideas of what they might find themselves in, and it's just too hard to explain to someone without it sounding ridiculous and fishy. And once I'd have to explain that, it'd take me at least 7 seconds of pausing, too. And I'd probably at that point feel grilled enough that I'd be questioning why I'm having to deal with this suddenly, so that wouldn't make me look that good either. But she came clean at the very start, and all the explanations she gave are more plausible to me precisely BECAUSE they sound outlandish and came spontaneously without much time for planning or forethought.

 

I could be wrong, and hope I'm not, but that's my take.

[DN]

An absurd paranoia (throwing something in the trash might leave fingerprints that police could identify should there be a crime committed in the area) is likely to have manifested itself before this incident and in less suspicious and convenient circumstances. There must have been occasions when they were together when she would either have thrown something in public trash or it become obvious that she was avoiding doing so and putting it in her purse to dispose of at home.

 

Why she should be so paranoid about fingerprints on trashed item in a building where she must have been leaving fingerprints all over the place also makes no sense.

 

It is true that people do or believe bizarre things - but when that is used as an explanation for behaviour that is otherwise highly suspicious the coincidence factor becomes far too high for credibility. I understand that confidence tricksters succeed because people will fall for even the most unlikely stories (I still get e-mails from a very persuasive gentleman in Nigeria anxious to place a large amount of money in my bank account if I will just give him the account number and pin) but in almost every situation that I have ever come accross in life the most likely explanation has usually been the truth. And someone who has no need of condoms if she is being faithful to her partner has no need to possess them and no need to fabricate unlikely explanations.

[Speranza]

Maybe I've missed something with being English, but - isn't 2nd Grade like 7 year olds? If the police suspected her of molesting them, would they have expected her to use condoms on them??

[Miss Firecracker]

Also, this woman is using birth control. That is the reason she doesn't need condoms.

 

The only other reason you would need those is to prevent STD's.

[veneratio]

I've gotta agree with DN. I don't see why she would feel the need to carry the condoms in her purse unless she's using them. And if she honestly forgot that they've been in there--as far fetched as that may sound--then why not just say that. IMO that's more believable than that I teach 2nd grade fingerprint junk.

 

What stands out is her throwing away only some of the condoms. Why not all if she truly forgot that she had them in her purse.

 

But maybe I'm wrong, hopefully I am.

 

Edit: wait, maybe I read that wrong. She threw them all away? Either way, her being so hesitant is still peculiar.

[mca1975]

Why is the word 'fishy' featuring so much in this thread, lol.

 

It does sound 'fishy', what the hell is she keeping them for?

 

And I agree, 'she didnt want to throw them away in case the police found them and her fingerprints on them' - I nearly spat out my tea when I read that, what a load of BS.

 

I wouldn't trust her. Ask her how she would like it if you were carrying condoms around. Unless you two use condoms together when you have sex of course...?

[todd1963]

And now for something completely different...

 

I got to be the middle kid in my family and i got blamed for EVERYTHING! So my first and automatic response, to this day (I'm 45) is to lie to avoid getting into trouble.

 

I lie when confronted about stuff even when there are absolutely NO bad consequences for telling the truth.

 

I know I do this. I try to not do this. However, it is so completely ingrained in my brain that is is an immediate automatic reaction.

 

Them - "Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning?"

 

Me - "No, I was walking down the street when the garbage truck ran over the fire hydrant and then someone called the police but the police were busy so they sent a city crew instead and the city crew turned off all the water but it was too late really AND that's why I ate the last cookie."

 

It is possible that someone can react totally and completely stupid for no reason whatsoever.