Singler Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 It is so weird.... a man whom I was seeing for a couple months contacted me via FB.... again not the ex I want right now.... but there is potential... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Singler, I am so sorry that this is happening to you, but in all honesty I think you did the right thing by deciding to move on. I think that was a huge breakthrough on your part because you decided to be better than someones "backup" option, you deserve to be someones focus and you deserve someone who is sure that they want to be with you. I know that there will be some tough times ahead for you and that you will probably feel sad for a while, but please try to keep in mind the fact that you are getting rid of someone who doesn't want to be with you and you are making room for someone who does. Try to keep yourself busy and allow yourself some time to get over him to make sure that you don't end in a place where you might rush into anything new and end up hurting yourself or someone else. I am sure you will overcome this and it will feel great once you initiate the NC. For now just take it one day at a time, I am sure you will feel better in no time. I am sure you will find someone amazing and remember the fact that you deserve someone who wants to be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Thanks Lunar.... He was so hot and cold after the break up....confused, hurt and scared and I realized when he said give me time , or I need space I did not do that.... if we are truly meant to be then we will be together one day but for now I accept the fact that I am single and yes it is hard but it would be harder to stay in contact with him and be strung along.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Maybe you distract yourself with Facebook guy and let the ex mull over what you said. I mean you were talking and going out once in awhile, he might be more attached to you than he realizes right now. To go out with someone who was once yours but now wants to go out with you and other women at the same time takes a lot of tolerance. Most people have some tolerance but not THAT much tolerance. Give it some time (what else do you have but time) and see if he comes around. I think you will hear from him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 yeah we'll se ....but this facebook guy sent me a message.... Had a feeling I'd find you on here. Sorry to hear about the speeding ticket, how have things been going otherwise? Hope to hear from you soon.. he must have read my "what's on your mind?" post.... I have not responded because: #1 still love my ex, do want to rebound and it is not fair to him #2 don't want to say the wrong thing..... #3 and not that I am thinking about jumping in bed with him but just Thinking about seeing him again hurts my down there area....he was VERY large... don't know if I can handle it ever again... as for my ex... I do not have that tolerance ... if he wants to spread his wings then so be it but it doesn't not make the break up less painful....sometimes I am so strong and other times I get so weak my sister says I am going crazy.... but I have been doing good it's been a little over a month since the break up and although we've had LC the most I have ever gone without speaking to him was 5 days and tomorrow will be 5 days once again, but this time I will not make any attempt to contact him ever.... if he wants to talk then he can call me otherwise I don't need a setback.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Ok, so maybe FB guy isn't the right person to distract yourself with. When I broke up with the ex before my last ex, I was, again, really hurt. So I decided to go out on dates right away and distract myself. I went out a lot. Most of the time I would end up crying in the car on the way home because being with those guys made me miss my ex more. Then I went on a date with a guy who became my boyfriend (yeah, the one who dumped me in May) and for the first time I didn't cry in the car on the way home from the date. I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him romantically but I really enjoyed talking to him, so he was my rebound guy and it lasted three years. Maybe NC is the way to go right now, just until the hurt starts to lessen a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 ok so almost into 8 days nc I called him...we made some small talk then got into the topic that he went on a lunchdate, he is just going out with friends and hanging out with girls. He slipped and said if we got back together things would be the same there would be no change, when he is with me he wants to be when he goes him he loses it all and thinks of the arguing and right now he does not feel like we can get back together, with time maybe. he called me back after this convo and said he understood how i was feeling but right now he can't work things out with me and he does not know when. I was at work so I said I had to go and i said I'd call him later... it seems like he does not want to be pushed into (not trying to do that either but...) and well I just don't know what else to say to him.... there seems like there is nothing left to say....he did soften up quite abit..... but I don't know what else to say....I am going to call him regardless because I already messed up the nc so while today is today I am just going to let out my feelings once and for all and leave him with that....any advice as to what to say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Hi Singler, I would say the fact that he said he can't work things out with you right now and doesn't know whey, is a good sign that he is not ready for a heavy conversation with you. I know you want to spill your heart but it will be better if you don't right now. He is probably already feeling somewhat guilty and pressured so I think for right now you need to sit tight. Do you think you can do that? I know it's hard. Eight days of NC is good but in the scheme of things, not very long. When I get weak I say "if he wanted to be with me, he would be with me now". It grounds me so I don't get carried away. You need to accept his state of mind right now even though you don't want to. I didn't want to either but when I did, I felt better. Not great, but better. Good luck with your call. I hope it goes really well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 I accept his state of mind but I feel like I have a clearer mind and if I don't say these things then I will suffer...so for my own sanity I can walk away saying at least I said them.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Yes, you can say what you want and possibly alienate him for good. Or you can play it cool for awhile, give him time to reevaluate the situation and maybe come to his senses and reconcile with you. Of course it is up to you and we're here to support you with whatever you decide but from my own personal experience, pouring out my heart to someone not ready to hear it has never worked out for me. My advice is only my advice so you make up your own mind. I so hope it works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 ok I will think about it....hopefully I will fall asleep and stay asleep for the night..... but why did he call back and tell me again to call him at 8pm.... I can't understand him.... i feel sick to my stomach right now not knowing what to do..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I think you can talk to him, just try not to overwhelm him. There had to be a time in your life when someone wanted to be with you more than you wanted to be with him. Try to remember how you felt or would feel if he had kind of pressured you into committing to him. I'm not saying he doesn't want to EVER be with you, but just for right now you need to sit in the uncomfortable place of not knowing. I hate that place. Nobody likes that place that's why we all rebel now and then and confront the ex -- to get out of that place. If it worked I would be the first to say, go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 yeah and that was him I just started dating about a year after my last ex.... i met him he called me 3 times a day...sent me roses weekly, painted my apartment went all over nj to find me diet cherry 7up.... he said he loved me a month into dating me....I was the best sex partner he ever had.... i got so overwhelmed i lost myself and argued cause I did not know how to handle things....now the tables f-ing turned on me....man where is the time machine when you need it?!?!?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 hahaha! Yeah, same thing happened with my ex who dumped me. After our first date I was unsure if I wanted to date him but he was all over me, calling, emailing, being Mr. Funnyman. Now three years later...poof! Yeah, get that time machine over here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 if only it existed!!! well I'll update everyone if I feel up to it after the call (gonna take some tylenol pm 30 mins b4) or I am just gonna be hop[ing that when i fall into bed I fall asleep.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Good luck Singler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 end conclusion: he still needs time....he said he just went out to lunch with someone....he is not ready to start again.....and when he is it may be too late but he needs to be ready and its without a time frame and I agreed and accepted it....now just gonna simmer it down.....concentrate on school and work and my sisters soon to be born son(1 month very exciting) .... WORD OF ADVICE.....if your ex says they need space GIVE IT TO THEM..... although our convo was not negative it was not positive and I am just going to continue to ease on down the road...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 omg he is going to come over after work.... i am not going to talk about the relationship.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AutumnBorn Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 omg he is going to come over after work.... i am not going to talk about the relationship.... And right after he leaves, you're going to sign on and tell us what happens, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 yes....but I had some wine in me and I can feel that this is a sex thing..... man.... I need to be stronger....why can't I just move on..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Ok so he came over after work last night, got to my house around 1130pm. We sat down, he had a coca cola and I had some wine. He called me babe and baby twice (prob by mistake but he did it) He said He needs time and doesn't know how long because he has lost alot of feelings due to all the arguements and the icing on the cake which was the disney trip. He is not ready to try again yet. Basically he said the same things but just to my face. He said not to worry we will see eachother again and he understands how I feel about things. He talked about his family, I talked about my sis and her soon to be born baby... he was affectionate but not overly. He said he would give me a call next week.... and now I don't know what to do next....if he does call do I answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellow Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Maybe try to be less accomodating? Don't let him play with your emotions (I dont think he meant to, but are you ready for this kinda interaction for quite a long time?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 I guess the best thing is for me not to be so available on his terms, but I guess like many who have been dumped, I have the hope and don't want to risk his reaching out but at the same time he is not reaching out to reconcile so until then I have no clue what to do. I simply ended the night by saying .... Name, I understand your state of mind right now but i do hope you take into consideration all that we talked about today and he said I will, don't worry. I'll give you a call next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyLooWho Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 You did great. You didn't have a melt down. You came accross as calm and collected (right?). If it were me, the next time he called I would say I couldn't talk because I was going out with a new guy or something like that. I know i say game playing is no good but sometimes I think you need to make them realize that you're not some wimpy patsy waiting around for them to call. I wouldn't carry on the charade beyond that but sometimes they need a kick in the pants. Ok, so I'm a little angry at him that he's coming around to see you but has nothing new to say. Just want you to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singler Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 yeah I am alittle pissed.... he said if he did or did not go on a alunch date it was only lunch and I am having the same worries as so many women here....what if he gets in a relationship with her.... me not calling or calling which would make a difference? he said he was glad i understand him(what the fact that he doesnt want to be with me right now or the fact he needs time ,etc??) today i cried again driving home from work, on and off up until now.... it really sucks.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.