Lonewing Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Same here - she was my first love too. It hurts - but there is strength in the peace that is her absence. There are no questions anymore about her being with me, or being true to me, or returning my love. It's gone. REM has been there for me - particularly Losing My religion and Everybody Hurts. Everybody hurts really carried me through the day. I even dug out my sax I bought this last year and then never had the money to get a mouthpiece for it. I went to the store and bought a mouthpiece, and I got to know my new [ahem, 1930s?] sax! Gorgeous Silver Tenor, nice tone, needs a little tweaking. It needs a little love right now. The polish needs to be touched up! I'm getting dressed up in my tie, vest, and fedora tonight, and I am going OUT!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Good for you Lonewing. I was a very close minded before the breakup. After the breakup, I went out more and became more open minded. Before, I didn't bother trying to connect with others and now I am trying, and the feelings are great. Today is my fourth day of NC Sept. 05 ever since he was gone. I went to the beach and played volleyball with my friends. I had fun. Today is a great day so far. I did think about him when I was at the beach because I was around the people that he used to hang out with. I was sad for a moment but it wasn't that long. I might go out tonight. I went to see a counselor for the first time of my life. It was great. Life goes on and the pain will slowly evaporate. Of course, the memories will stay but it will fade. I still think about him but no longer hurt by the thought. I want to let go entirely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I had a great day today despite of the fact that some people reminded me of my ex. I was at the beach and got burned. I still feel beautiful after getting burned. Haha..jk. I am being too conceited. I am moving to toward my fifth day of NC. I just applied for a job and I hope I can get it. I really do need the money. Cross my fingers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I had a great day today despite of the fact that some people reminded me of my ex. I was at the beach and got burned. I still feel beautiful after getting burned. Haha..jk. I am being too conceited. I am moving to toward my fifth day of NC. I just applied for a job and I hope I can get it. I really do need the money. Cross my fingers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm happy you're doing so well!! I myself went through another miserable period, but it ended with a good sense of closure all over again after the aggitator stirred so much back up. Which means NC starts over tonight. I went out to the club last night, she didn't show, thankfully, and I got to see a lot of good people. I made a really good contact too, which will be helpful when I get to the Air Force! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonybrit Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I believe in first love, but you still have to put it through the same tests as any other kind of love to know if that's what it really is. My girlfriend met a guy after we had a terrible fight, spent time with him, slept with him plenty, started to develop feelings for him, strung me along not telling me it was over until days after all this. I had made mistakes in the relationship and lost my temper in arguments but in truth looking back, it's true what everyone said, I treated her far far better than she did me. I immediately took on the role of a counsellor as well as a lover, I helped her through some incredibly hard times, and felt good about myself for it - but the level of love she returned for all this emotional and physical effort was minimal and she never really made much of an effort to be calm and understanding with me when I was needy. The way our relationship ended absolutely annihilated my self-esteem, due to very heavy sexual circumstances, and I will never forgive her for it and if she has any conscience neither will she - it was about as big of a blow to a human being a lover can give. That's not to say we may not be soulmates, besides these fatal flaws we had a very special bond. But you have to pick up your self esteem and realise that just because you're the one who has been destroyed doesn't mean you're not the better person, the more valuable person. Before you try anything you need to go out there and level the playing field, get fit, get healthy, get smart, get a girl, have a lot of fun and if that ends, ask yourself if what you had really was first love. And if that doesn't end, well, then all you lost was your first girlfriend, and that's not exactly unusual is it.. The unlikely can happen if you're meant to be together but you can't know that until you've followed your heart to other people. She did that, now I'm doing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm happy you're doing so well!! I myself went through another miserable period, but it ended with a good sense of closure all over again after the aggitator stirred so much back up. Which means NC starts over tonight. I went out to the club last night, she didn't show, thankfully, and I got to see a lot of good people. I made a really good contact too, which will be helpful when I get to the Air Force! You fall but you can get back up. It does not matter how many times you repeat, the important thing is be able to get back up and feel stronger after each time. Go out and have fun. I did that after the breakup with my ex. It helped a lot and made the time went by a lot faster. Today is 5 fifth day of NC. I still think about him but it's not that long. Today, I am going to a concert and go to a family gathering. I want to work on myself and be the best person I can be. Today will be another great day and it has been great so far. I know my Mr. Right is out there somewhere. He is busy with his life and one day, we will encounter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I ressurected my mental starship. It felt amazingly good, like getting to know an old friend all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 Lonewing- Keep on pushing forward. You are doing great so far. Just remember, don't contact her. Each time you feel the pain, it's only make you to become a stronger person. The pain is worth it for a happier future outcome. Don't you think so? Even though I went through a lot of pain and still in pain from time to time, but I am glad it happened. I may lose the person that I loved the most but I can gain so much more. What can I gain from this experience? A lot........... Most importantly, I have myself back and lean toward a more completely self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 A bit of relapse today. NC- on the 6th day today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 i am sick of being heartbroken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonybrit Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 i am sick of being heartbroken. Me too. I just. cant. stand. feeling like this anymore. How could she pissibly have done this to me?! I just wanted to love someone.. I'm completely broken.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 8th day of Nc. Fight fight fight. NC is healing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 On the 10th day of NC. I have been busy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 I am making plans and etc. More focusing on my schooling. Right now, I am involved in a lot of things, organization, and etc. I wanted to make plans to be able to study abroad next year in the winter semester. Also my goal is get at least an A- in all my decision courses to get into my declared major's program. Made new friends and I am also seeking counseling. I guess I am slowly forgetting about the ex. I wonder ever since he moved, does he think about me? I think he is having fun at a new place, school school, new friends, and enjoys spending time with his new family. Perhaps, I am forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Shake my body... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 The memory of my ex lingers, but her place in my heart is gone. I really am becoming free in myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 The memory of my ex lingers, but her place in my heart is gone. I really am becoming free in myself! Same here. You are doing great Lonewing. Remember, do not break NC until you are fully heal. Trust me, I have broke NC numerous times and tried in every ways possible to get him back. Nothing worked. He said "it's only push him away further". I guess NC is my only solution and it helps me heal plus ..maybe he will thinks about me. Be strong. What have you been doing? I have been so busy and everything is going great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 hmmm - all I know is that now there is no unsettles business in my heart, so NC is easy - it's natural now because I have no desire to communicate with her whatsoever. She's gone. I cleaned her out of my system. I know this becasue I am now sleeping at night and waking up in the morning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 hmmm - all I know is that now there is no unsettles business in my heart, so NC is easy - it's natural now because I have no desire to communicate with her whatsoever. She's gone. I cleaned her out of my system. I know this becasue I am now sleeping at night and waking up in the morning! Hooray! You are doing great. NC is definitely healing both of us. I don't think of him like before. I think I deserve better as I feel more confident about myself. The breakup definitely pushes me to strive myself toward higher achievements. I am going out there now. I feel good now. If he contacts me and wants to come back to me, then that is fine. Otherwise, I am fine on my own too and maybe Mr.Right will come. Should be the same to you lonewing. By the way...how old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Hi More than a month of NC now. I stopped counting because he is no longer in my mind. My b-day was yesterday and I turned 20. I went out on Friday, Sat, and Monday to celebrate my b-day. So three days in a row. It was fun. There is a guy that I recently met and he is very attractive. We met 2 weeks ago and I don't know if there is something between us. I think he is so cute but in term of emotionally attracted to him, it's not there yet. How do I feel around this time? I haven't reach the confident level that I wanted to reach. I still need to change myself for the better. I am sort of weak and allow others to step on me. I want to stand up and have a voice. I feel really weak and vulnerable sometimes. I feel that I don't love myself enough and not striving enough to get where I wanted to get in term of career. I let my friends put an influence on me and I like to have fun way too much. I couldn't seem to make up my mind. I really wish to change and be happy with myself. Be confident. I want to stand up right now. My ex is really history. I don't want to be with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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