firstlove Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 I still think about him and I believe that he did loved me. But our relationship was too toxic and he had tried to repress his love. I believe in him. My heart is hurting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 I feel so alone. Last year around this time of the year, me and my were commuting to school together and now I am going back to school by myself. Driving myself and I feel so empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I feel so alone. Last year around this time of the year, me and my were commuting to school together and now I am going back to school by myself. Driving myself and I feel so empty. Hi firstlove I know what you are going through. Its horrible that we have to go through this stuff but you will get through it and be a better person for it. I know you don't see it now but you will fall in love again and you will be as happy then as you were before and all these painful memories will turn into fond happy ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 My ex is moving in two days and I don't know if I even get to say "goodbye". I am starting school today and around this time of the year, we were commuting together to school. I am on an emotionally roller coaster. I want to at least say "good bye" since we are likely to never see or talk to each other again. I haven't started the process of long term NC yet and I will start as soon as he moves (2 days). It's really over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 I just found this article. You guys should check it out. link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 My first love lasted for 2.5 years. I had to leave two weeks ago when it became apparent things between us were over [she had a new man]. In short, all my time with her these last few months do was help her ease off of me nice and easy, all the while leaving me withthe bag of emotion. I loved her so deeply I should be written up. And it IS All my fault I loved her so strongly. Now I am ready to heal and be there for my second love, who I will be just as storng for, onlly this time I will be smarter and not so easily dilluded by myself!! You gotta move on. My girl was toxic; In the end she says it is our differnences; hah, in a great relationship no amount of difference separates true love - true love can make the most out of any situation! The truth is - she changes so much, so often, I doubt she will recognize herself in five years, let alone myself...This person could change for you, into someone you love - and hten change again, all over again. The point is, they have to love you regardless of how they change, because we will all change. If they have to change in order to lov eyou, you are best changing your guy out for a better guy. and sweetie, there are many great guys out there - you jsut can;t see them becasue you're smack doubledabbed up to this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 My ex is leaving tomorrow. I asked for some of his books that he used during college as an excuse to see and say "goodbye" to him for the last time. He said he will bring it over but he doesn't know when. If I am home around that time, then we could have a nice chat. Then I asked him to bring it over two days ago but he didn't reply. So I guess he changed his mind about bringing the books over. So last night, I sent him a message that said "If you are busy, then you don't need to bring the books over. I can buy it on my own. I just want to say goodbye and good luck with your future. Be the best person you can be and live life at the fullest. I hope that you do well in life and have a safe flight. Bye" He sent one back and said "I will try to bring over some of the books for you tomorrow. Sorry, I haven't checked my mail in a while". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 I just sent him a message back that said "I think I don't need those books anymore. You don't need to bring it over. Just finish packing and good luck on your future". Bye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 It's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Today is the first day of permanent NC Sept. 2, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 He came over yesterday and we said "good bye". We hugged and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. He left today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellow Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Now healing time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yes. Indeed it is. That is in my plans. I feel better already. I haven't think about him as much. I guess out of sight = out of mind. I feel great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Sept. 3 - my second day of NC. I feel great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 You lucky dove. When you get down, jsut find people. We're here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I believed in first love, too. Until it ended and I realized that first love DOES exist, it's just not the only love you will ever have. Looking back, I am so happy I did not end up with my first love. Ask anyone over 25 and they will most likely tell you the same thing. I used to believe in first love as well, until my first love ended in divorce. That's not to say that I don't believe that some people are lucky and they end up with their first love and they are happier than ever. I am glad that I didn't end up with my first love, because I came to realize the fact that at that time I was making myself into someone who I was not and is not the "real" me. I was younger and I had no experience with life or love but after going through this i learned a lot about myself. No matter what though I am still the hopeless optimist and I am still waiting for the right one to come my way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Third day of NC. I still believe in first love but at the same time, I am moving on and forget about him. It's time to focus on myself and of course, my career. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I broke no contact last night. she texted me...and then I texted her. And we had a half hour exchange that ended with my expressing myself and her retaining her "holier than thou" "the pain is all yours" "maybe in time you will be able to see me and be my friend" stance... ...It just... ...burns... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I broke no contact last night. she texted me...and then I texted her. And we had a half hour exchange that ended with my expressing myself and her retaining her "holier than thou" "the pain is all yours" "maybe in time you will be able to see me and be my friend" stance... ...It just... ...burns... My heart goes out to you lonewing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Thanks, I do feel good today. the pain is there, but it's going to go away, and with it all feelings I have for her - ALL feelings! That email from her ex-h#1, it has been a spot of gold. It's like having another person in my corner who actually understands what I am going through, and understands her! Which means when I her ridiculous stuff form her...its not a problem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowFox Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I will always have fond memories of my first love. I dated a couple of other guys before I met him, but he was the first true love of my life. He was so sweet and treated me so well!!! He used to drive to my house and park around the corner because he usually got there early. Then he would knock on my door at the time our date was supposed to be. I can still remember him coming into my living room and giving me a big hug. We had a very passionate relationship. I remember the day he broke up with me. He called me on the phone in the morning implying he wanted to break up, I told him we needed to talk in person. He came over later that day and the second he walked into my house, I ran into the bathroom and threw up my lunch. I was so traumatized by that break up. But now, 20 years later, I look back and realize we would have never lasted as a couple. But he was so sweet and sexy. I still remember a lot of special times we shared together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Wow... when my GF came home and told the kids to be in the car in five minutes to go see the movie, and I knew our relationship was dead I immediatley lost my dinner too. I jsut knew she wasn't inviting me to go, an that was becasue surprise surprise, she was taking the new boy - and she verified that before she left when I asked her. Packed myself up and left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Thanks, I do feel good today. the pain is there, but it's going to go away, and with it all feelings I have for her - ALL feelings! That email from her ex-h#1, it has been a spot of gold. It's like having another person in my corner who actually understands what I am going through, and understands her! Which means when I her ridiculous stuff form her...its not a problem! Just take one step at a time. Try to focus on whatever you are doing right now. NC is the best way to heal even though it's hard to maintain and you get so tempted. But once the pain goes away and you are still keeping NC, each time, you will learn more about how to control your emotions better and feel more confident about yourself. For me, I feel great after I am able to control my emotions as relapses occur. Yes in those moments, I would cry and moan. I would reach out to my friends and vent. I would be overly dramatic and say things like "oh I have a miserable life". But after the pain dies down, I would re-look at myself and feel proud because I haven't break NC. Today is my third day of NC- Sept. 4 ever since he is gone. I feel great. I am focusing on my school and made a ton of friends. I am more active, more caring, and more considerate. Today is a good day. I am healing in a proper and healthy way. I don't think of him as much. I feel great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Absolutley! I've been in this now two weeks, this is now my third week. Went NC two weeks ago, then had a good meeting with her last Saturday after a run-in Friday night; that really got a lot of issues cleared up. Then I went NC again; she contacts last night and that was a hurdle. Now I'm back to NC because I sure as heck aren't going around breaking my fences right now! I was in emotional dispair a couple times these past few weeks, yesterday before she evercontacted me was abouthte worse. These relapses are getting further and further between. I'm up to the point of elation today, I don't know why. Something to do with a lot of REM, it has somehow soothed me through a low spot. Look up the music video for REM-"Hold on" on Youtube, it's an absolutely amazing video. yes, it will probbaly reduce you to a wet puddle, but it's absolutley amazing. and it really feels godo to get that wet puddle out! I've been rolling solo since August 16th, it's just getting further and further away, that life I once knew! The best part is getting these old saxophones out, I have three gorgeous Martin made vintage saxes, tonight I'm going to get them out and PLAY! Sept 22nd it all changes...AIR FORCE!!1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstlove Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 One of my favorites songs is "Unbreak My Heart". You should check it out. Whenever I feel down, I listen to it and the pain eases. I feel great so far. I think I am healing fast at this rate. Me and my ex broken up for about 3 months and about a week. I did a lot of begging and etc. But now, I am in the road to recovery. Keep on moving. Fight fight..to become a better self. You can do it. Lonewing. Everyone can do it. It's a part of life where most of us have to go through it at least once. For me, it's my first time. It was the most painful thing. It hurt more than anything. I thought I couldn't survive. But here I am.......all better and moving slowly to become a better self. I am a better person because of it and one day, my prince charming will come. Now, I can be able to say "I love life". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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