Seducing someone's girlfriend or boyfriend

[drewciouS281]

well of course the effort is needed but i wouldnt say it makes it more exciting with the feeling of things not being as secure. Wouldnt a person want to feel secure with thier relationship and not be afraid to truly express themselves? I guess it does vary from person to person.

[cat_lady]

Personally, I understand what is being said here and I think its okay. So many people keep missing the point - the point of a relationship is to get to know a person (and yourself in the context of a relationship) to decide whether you want to spend your life with them. Especially when you are younger. You are in a relationship and are getting to know your partner and yourself - you realize that your partner is not someone who you can spend your life with - but you realize that your friend has all the qualities that you want that your partner is missing and the friend feels the same way about you. So you break up with your partner to date your friend, to see if you can form a relationship with them. Or you can stick to your current relationship for the noble idea of commitment and just break up many years down the line when you hit a dead end or end up in meh relationship with someone you kind of like - but hey, at least you didn't "cheat" or fall symptom to "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome! Good for you!

 

Also, people need to stop being compared to objects. I am not an mp3 player or a car. I am person who can make decision for myself. Just because someone hits on me doesn't mean that I am open to their responses - whether I'm in a relationship or single! No one can come in the middle of the night and steal me away b/c they want me.

 

I left my ex ex bf for my ex bf. My ex ex bf would never contact me, only when he wanted to come over to see me, and even that was through text. It bothered me, b/c I didn't feel like he was devoted to me, emotionally. I talked to him about it but he didn't put too much effort into it. At the same time, I re-connected with my old highschool crush. He was so nice - he would always ask me how my day was, offer to help me out with different projects, talk to me about my feelings and such. He treated me like a true love, while the guy I was dating at the time, treated me like someone he was - dating.

So guess what, I broke up with the bf to date this guy. Does that make me a bad person? Or should I should I have stayed with a guy who didn't care that much b/c its the "right" thing to do. The guy asked me why I was breaking up with him and I told him - just b/c you won me over 6 months ago with a few dates, doesn't mean that you can slack off now. A relationship needs growth and caring from both parties, and if one party isn't willing to step up to the plate, I think its completely fair for someone else who is willing to step up to the plate to have a shot at you. A lot of times I think these relationships - where one person leaves one for another - are headed for a disaster anyway, the presence of a third party just ameliorates the process.

[Tarkan]

That's well said and nicely resumed Cat_Lady. I think you got the point ^^

 

I don't really know is there's something more that I can add or that hasn't been said before.

[greywolf]

well of course the effort is needed but i wouldnt say it makes it more exciting with the feeling of things not being as secure. Wouldnt a person want to feel secure with thier relationship and not be afraid to truly express themselves? I guess it does vary from person to person.

 

Do you really need to be secure to be able to express your feelings to someone? If you really loved someone, wouldn't you be willing to risk it anyway?

I've never really understood the whole 'reciprocation' thing very much. I just think that if you love someone, then love them. Why do you need them to love you back?

[drewciouS281]

Do you really need to be secure to be able to express your feelings to someone? If you really loved someone, wouldn't you be willing to risk it anyway?

I've never really understood the whole 'reciprocation' thing very much. I just think that if you love someone, then love them. Why do you need them to love you back?

 

Some people maybe, some people maybe not but i have been through some rough abusive relationships so for me to open up my heart to someone, i have to feel security from them and yes, i most definitley need to be loved back. how can a person not want the love back. Thats sort of a off question. I have risked myself many times in the past and learned the hard way so if im to risk things now, i need to see love, loyalty and security from the other person. I myself am a very secure person but with matters of the heart, i play it safe!

 

 

Tarken - as i read on others posts, im understanding the point of your thread. Now in retrospect to you saying if a woman was to see better qualities in a friend that she is not seeing in her current partner, sure i can understand that if its on a mutual level but hopefully the two guys arent friends because that there can be an iffy and tough situation. Me and my close guy friends have a rule. We dont mess with each others ex's unless the rare case where something does, we have to get permission. Its what we call Guy code. some may not agree with it but no offense i could care less. Its how we do it.

 

My first post to your thread was taken to the extent of if someone was purposely trying to end a relationship by bashing the other guy or girl so they split up and he/she goes to thier favor. This is what i would consider unacceptable and curb worthy ](*,)

[greywolf]

Some people maybe, some people maybe not but i have been through some rough abusive relationships so for me to open up my heart to someone, i have to feel security from them and yes, i most definitley need to be loved back. how can a person not want the love back. Thats sort of a off question. I have risked myself many times in the past and learned the hard way so if im to risk things now, i need to see love, loyalty and security from the other person. I myself am a very secure person but with matters of the heart, i play it safe!

 

Well, yeah everyone does want to be loved back, but you don't need it do you? I admit that it's harder to sustain the love if you don't get it back. I suppose it is a weird question lol. My concept of what love is seems to get weirder and weirder as time goes by. I used to be more hesitant to take risks as well, but now it seems to be getting easier for me.

[drewciouS281]

i hear ya grey. Ive never really been to keen on taking the risk of a relationship not because i was scared but because i am so damn picky. Meeting girls is all too easy but for me to find someone that im compatable with is far and few. To put it plainly im 28 and am currently in my 3rd serious long term relationship. Yes i have dated dozens upon dozens but serious relationships that have resulted to love are only 3. Lets hope this 3rd one is the charm. haha.

[Tarkan]

My first post to your thread was taken to the extent of if someone was purposely trying to end a relationship by bashing the other guy or girl so they split up and he/she goes to thier favor. This is what i would consider unacceptable and curb worthy ](*,)

 

Yeah my post wasn't intended like this. I should make an edit to clarify that point and I understand it could make someone angry. ^^ You can't hit me anyway nana

[Cognitive_Canine]

Do you really need to be secure to be able to express your feelings to someone? If you really loved someone, wouldn't you be willing to risk it anyway?

I've never really understood the whole 'reciprocation' thing very much. I just think that if you love someone, then love them. Why do you need them to love you back?

 

I need someone to love me back to protect my own feelings.

 

I will gladly make the first move and "give out the love" to begin with but if I don't get much in return I will quickly withdraw my feelings into their little heart shaped shell and be on my way.

 

It's bad for my health to be in an unrequited love relationship.

[goodfoot]

I think the reason people keep coming in this thread using words like "steal" and comparing SO's to Covettes, Ipods, or puppies, is because they do feel like they own them. A relationship is a mutual decision between two people. If one person is no longer interested, the last thing you should do is go after someone who wasn't even a part of your relationship.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

It's slimy and underhanded. It takes no effort to steal another person's SO. All it takes is a bit of boredom or even routine in an otherwise solid relationship for a partner to be swept off their feet by someone new.

 

There's also a good chance the partner would otherwise not even give the new person the time of day if the partner were single. It's more about the thrill and excitement of being with someone, anyone, different.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

Oh, let me also add that I think the bottom of the barrel are those that hang around someone under the guise of friendship, pretending to be that person's shoulder to cry on and whatnot. All the while though, they're taking mental notes of all the things the person complains about their SO, and using that intimate info to build themselves up in the eyes of the hapless "friend".

[Lonewing]

It's slimy and underhanded. It takes no effort to steal another person's SO. All it takes is a bit of boredom or even routine in an otherwise solid relationship for a partner to be swept off their feet by someone new.

 

There's also a good chance the partner would otherwise not even give the new person the time of day if the partner were single. It's more about the thrill and excitement of being with someone, anyone, different.

 

Oh, let me also add that I think the bottom of the barrel are those that hang around someone under the guise of friendship, pretending to be that person's shoulder to cry on and whatnot. All the while though, they're taking mental notes of all the things the person complains about their SO, and using that intimate info to build themselves up in the eyes of the hapless "friend".

 

Yes, yes, YES!!!

 

What's even worse is when one person who was happy is made incotent by her friends when otherwise the relationship is happy. But you know, it's good int eh long run, because it spares one person the cost of dealing with that other person's weak BS.

[Lonewing]

That's a possibility, such is life. I won't lie, the day this happens I will be sad and angry. But eventually I'll get over it, and realise that I was better off without that person who left me for another. I'd rather be with someone that is happy with me.

 

But you see, they WERE happy with you - up to the point they met the rest of the world. And the rest of the world that they met fed their addictions rather then feeding them with positive reinforcement.

 

That's a theory but no certainity. Isn't this a childish way to think ? You hurt me so I hurt you back ! Dam, I forgot people are like that most of time ^^

No but another way to look at this: You wouldn't do it to another person since you now know how this feels and you wouldn't want someone else to feel like that.

 

The Rule of Hammurabi is Childish? I believe our entire penal system is based on a similar principle. And the second part all goes back to the Golden rule - do onto others what you would want done onto yourself; don't do to others what you would not done to yourself.

 

I personally find it childish to have to experience the law inorder to get the law and not break the law. I find it criminal to blatantly ignore the rules and take what you want anyways.

 

Where do you see I encourage this ? I never said it was the way to go ! The whole topic is just one big "what if ...". It's all just theorycrafting but there's not one moment where I said we should all just do this.

 

This is what your theory is encouraging, whether you wish to encourage it or not.

 

You ask me for what else I'd love a woman ? Well I'd want to share my pleasure with her. Because having a happy and fulfilled girlfriend would also make me happy. I hope your idea of love isn't based on selfishness since it will never lead to a lasting relationship.

 

My idea of committed love is 100% devotion to that one person in your life, regardless, no matter what the day or the time or who is around. That is the commitement I give to my SO, and that is what I expect back. And for this undying devotion I give my full being up front. there are a number who this will not work with, and my goal in life is to avoid those people and find the ones who will return my love. Monogamy by definition IS selfish - but it is also Healthy and Wholesome, in that it limits the amount of emotional anguish humans have to go through on a daily basis as a community. There is a good amount of informaiton about emotional anguish within polygamist colonies by the mormon experience; in short, everything looks happy ont he outside, withthe one man and his seven trailers, one for each wife, but once you get under that facade you find a great deal of anger, resentment, mistrust, and a number of other feelings harbored within the women towards each other and the man. Humans are NOT meant to be "shared!!"

 

I don't want to celebrate any idea, nor claiming any excuse. I just want opinions on the subject. You have yours but I think they're based on the misjudgement of what I explained in the topic. In the end, love and feelings are always invloved. Those feelings just happen and you can't avoid them.

 

Nothing "Just" happens. Everything happens because two human beings purposely make moves that lead to consequenses. A committed relationship works because both people in it are strong enough within themselves to stand up for themselves, the other person, AND the relationship simultaneously regardless of where they go. People like this are becoming very rare.

[ay0_x]

I agree, for the most part, with all of Tarkan's posts.

 

I remember a while back on eNa a guy asked for advice because he liked a girl. She was around his age (22) and was dating a 40 year old man that she didn't seem very content with. If I remember correctly he was told very sternly by most members to back off.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with pursuing someone you have sincere feelings for IF you act in a moral manner, the key word being SINCERE.

 

It is NOT right to go after somebody just because you "want something you can't have". Girls/guys are not shiny toys. Amanda should not be attractive to you just because she belongs to Billy.

 

It is not right to sexually seduce somebody who is taken. It is not right to develop a physical relationship with them AT ALL, or even an emotional one. Yes, it's okay to admit your feelings for them, but it is NOT right for you to ask them to be with you, or to make any physical move on them. No kissing, no sex, no holding hands. Nothing. Not until they end their relationship.

 

People have a choice. I do not believe most people are happy within their relationships. I believe a lot of people are actually very miserable and are settling because they don't want to be alone. Yes, that is their choice, but they are also free to one day choose to be happy, and if that means being happy with someone else, so be it. I don't believe anybody should feel "obligated" to stay in a relationship if they believe there is someone out there who can make them feel better. That's not the way love works.

 

When I was with my first boyfriend, we always had problems and I was unhappy WAY before anyone else came into the picture. When someone else expressed interest in me it gave me the self esteem to think that I could live without my boyfriend and that one day I would love again. I did not pursue a relationship with that person. At the time I thought "If I'm with my boyfriend and he isn't making me happy and I'm getting close to somebody else.. something is amiss.. and i'm not gonna be a cheater, and I'm gonna end it now".

 

I'm still very proud of myself for how I handled that situation.

[Tarkan]

But you see, they WERE happy with you - up to the point they met the rest of the world. And the rest of the world that they met fed their addictions rather then feeding them with positive reinforcement.

 

Who says that ? Plenty of people pointed out that sometimes they were unhappy. That person can make a move for two reasons: Either it's feeding an addiction like you say, or just because SHE feels better that way. If she leaves you for the first reason, what does it say about that person ?

 

Most people wouldn't be with a drug addict for obvious reasons so why would such addiction be any different ? In the end, that person placed her addiction above the relationship she had with you. See my point ?

 

The ONLY thing I am against is when the new guy is forcing the hand of fate by discreditting the partner. But then again raises another question: It means somewhere that your partner agreed with the discreditting and saw some logic or truth in it. Why would she leave otherwise ? Wouldn't she defend her partner when such things are brought up ?

 

 

The Rule of Hammurabi is Childish? I believe our entire penal system is based on a similar principle. And the second part all goes back to the Golden rule - do onto others what you would want done onto yourself; don't do to others what you would not done to yourself.

 

I personally find it childish to have to experience the law inorder to get the law and not break the law. I find it criminal to blatantly ignore the rules and take what you want anyways.

 

First off, most penal systems ( in Europe at least ) are based upon Code Napoleon but never mind that ^_^

Hamurabi is like what ... some 5.000 year old Babylonian dude ? You forgot to add that in his rule you can also do to others what they did to you. You killed my wife ? Great, now I can kill yours. Somehow, our penal system evolved a bit. But I understand the logic that would disuade people to break the law.

 

However, going with one's boyfriend or girlfriend for the good reasons ( invlovement of feelings and love ) is not a crime and should not be considered as one. Feelings just happen, what do you want to do against 'em ?

 

This is what your theory is encouraging, whether you wish to encourage it or not.

 

Let's say it does. What would be the problem with that ? You speak as if you are right and I am wrong. As if I shouldn't have the right to agree with it because it's a sin to act like such.

 

 

 

My idea of committed love is 100% devotion to that one person in your life, regardless, no matter what the day or the time or who is around. That is the commitement I give to my SO, and that is what I expect back. And for this undying devotion I give my full being up front. there are a number who this will not work with, and my goal in life is to avoid those people and find the ones who will return my love.

 

Sounds like you expect your partner to be loyal just just for the sake of it. Loyality is like forcing: It means you HAVE to be with someone because that person did things for you. In other words: returning the favour. And since we're all free people, you can't force anyone. Loyality is a flawed idea! You always have the choice. The choice to reconsider things. And devotion is maybe the wrong word to use aswell since it sounds like you almost worship a god and would blindely do anything for that god.

 

Yes you have to care for someone ! But that person isn't the end of the world. What would be the point of all your devotion if your relation should happen to end one day ? You'll probably shout out that it's unfair towards all the thing you have done for that person !

 

But we all have different perceptions of what love should be so if that makes you happy, sure why not.

 

 

Monogamy by definition IS selfish - but it is also Healthy and Wholesome, in that it limits the amount of emotional anguish humans have to go through on a daily basis as a community. There is a good amount of informaiton about emotional anguish within polygamist colonies by the mormon experience; in short, everything looks happy ont he outside, withthe one man and his seven trailers, one for each wife, but once you get under that facade you find a great deal of anger, resentment, mistrust, and a number of other feelings harbored within the women towards each other and the man.

 

Isn't that what we all feel aswell ? Just take a look at the topics on ENA ...

Therefore, I know just as much people who are happy in polygamous relationships ( in my country, that'd be muslims mainly )

 

Humans are NOT meant to be "shared!!"

 

Nope, this isn't what the topic is about either. It's about when you leave someone for another. No sharing possible.

 

Nothing "Just" happens. Everything happens because two human beings purposely make moves that lead to consequenses. A committed relationship works because both people in it are strong enough within themselves to stand up for themselves, the other person, AND the relationship simultaneously regardless of where they go. People like this are becoming very rare.

 

If you mean commitement as in: " I'll act like a mature adult and I'll be there for my SO when she needs me" then I agree with you.

 

If commitement means for you that you aren't allowded to leave, just for the sake of that ideal, then I'd disagree. Just for the fact that you don't own somebody. Relationship or not.

 

People will sometimes reconsider their moves. Because those people maybe expected other consequenses. Sometimes, they will reconsider them when another person comes along. Maybe it's for the wrong reasons, maybe not. But like you said, nothing "just" happens. It all has a reason and we can't help it. People come and go, that's life.