Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 I know it seems am generalizing but its true. Let's not say all but most. Most men do cheat. my friends are goin through the same situations their husbands or bfs are cheatin on them. It seems like everywhere i turn i see a man cheating on a woman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I know it seems am generalizing but its true. Let's not say all but most. Most men do cheat. my friends are goin through the same situations their husbands or bfs are cheatin on them. It seems like everywhere i turn i see a man cheating on a woman! Does telling yourself that make it easier to justify remaining with a man who seems to be unfaithful? I have never cheated on a partner in my life. I'm not unique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcadefire Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Don't stay with him. Red flags are popping up everywhere. I'm surprised you've lasted this long feeling this way. A relationship is supposed to make you feel SECURE and HAPPY. Not the other way around. I have a strong feeling he's seeing someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 it's the idea of being lonely thats killin me. or going through another relationship and having the same problems! men are all the same. this is not my first relationship. My ex bf cheated on me as well. When i met this guy i seriously trusted him and loved him. I can't break up now and meet another man! and i dont wanna live alone. its confusing. but what u said is very true. I guess am gonna change if he accepts that i will continue this relationship but if he doesn't then i have no choice but leaving him. Thanks for your advice it really woke me up i read it 10 times already. No problem hun, always here to help. I know how you're stating that you don't want to be alone (I assure you, no one wants to). However, if being lonely is the only reason that is holding you down, then do you really think it's worth it? Not all relationships are the same, just because you had some bad luck previously, does not imply that it will always be that way. I'm telling you firsthand, I've been hurt plenty of times and I have been cheated on as well, but I eventually found someone for me. You need to start focusing on you and no one else. I'm pretty sure that you will find someone else in the future that will treat you a lot better than your boyfriend does now. Don't give up on love or happiness, because I'm a strong believer that everyone is meant for someone. If your boyfriend doesn't even bother to give you the time of day, why are you allowing yourself to continue on? I can't really tell you what to do, because ultimately the decision is yours, and yours alone. However, you have to think long-term and whether or not it will make you happy. If your only reason on not leaving is because you don't want to be alone, I suggest you start building more confidence in yourself and let the world know, and especially yourself that you don't need to have a man to validate your happiness. What makes him so much better than you, that you would allow him to mistreat you? Nothing! A real man would treat you with the respect that you deserve!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pui Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 it's the idea of being lonely thats killin me. or going through another relationship and having the same problems! men are all the same. this is not my first relationship. My ex bf cheated on me as well. When i met this guy i seriously trusted him and loved him. I can't break up now and meet another man! and i dont wanna live alone. its confusing. but what u said is very true. I guess am gonna change if he accepts that i will continue this relationship but if he doesn't then i have no choice but leaving him. Thanks for your advice it really woke me up i read it 10 times already. I'm sorry but you are being in denial. Don't you realize that you are going nowhere like this? If he doesn't want to be with you anymore, he will leave you sooner or later (sooner rather than later). As others have said, you do not want to confront him because you know this could end the relationship. But - from what you've said- it will happen anyway. At least have the dignity to confront him and talk about your frustrations. Whether he's talking on the phone with another girl or he just keeps the phone off the hook because he does not want you to bother him- it's all the same. And if you do talk to him- try not to show all your insecurity. As another poster pointed out- guys will certainly find that unattractive. Right now you are feeling really depressed with all this, I know because I've been there. But this relationship will stand no chance if you let it drag like this. Some changes are imperative right now, even if it does not end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pui Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I know it seems am generalizing but its true. Let's not say all but most. Most men do cheat. my friends are goin through the same situations their husbands or bfs are cheatin on them. It seems like everywhere i turn i see a man cheating on a woman! Yes, men do cheat. People cheat, I also find this to be a painful truth. And I am experiencing it right now. But I've also realized that there is no way I could stay with a person who is not committed. From what you're saying, it looks that you would be ready to overlook the whole thing. You hope you will not find out and it will be just as if nothing happened. You have to realize this scenario is science fiction- it hurts now but even you would get tired of this whole thing in the end! (assuming he doesn't break it off first). It just cannot be, 3 is too much for a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metwo Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I'm sorry i didn't see an answer as to why you don't see him for weeks? and how far do you live from each other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena1607308080 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 That is a reallllly bad sign and I wouldn't buy his "guy friend with issues" excuse! Usually when men talk that long on the phone - 95% of the time it is a woman on the other end of the line... Please speak to him about this, not in a accusatory or confrontional way, just voice your concerns to him and tell him if he is losing interest in you, he should tell you instead of keeping you in the dark. Encourage him to be honest with you, to communicate about any issues he may have. Is there any way you can get the number he's calling all the time, and find out who it is? I don't know, there must be some ways you can get to the truth of this, after all your relationship is at stake. I know how you feel hun, but remember that even if it might mean the end of the relationship, it does not mean the end of the world. Life will go on, and as you continue to live your life, you will come accross wonderful men who will value you and not go behind your back. I know a lot of men who are perfectly faithful, so don't doubt they aren't out there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 Thanks elena and thanks everyone we had a huge fight today am so depressed and we might break up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Did you have a fight about this issue? What happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 Yeah same issue He went really mad and started saying things that really hurt me. He was so offending and expected me to accept that but i didn't. all that just because i asked him who you talkin to all the time on the phone?! he knows i know but he doesn't admit it. He brought up other irrelevant subjects and had a fight. I didn't even say what i wanet to say. He was talkin all the time and never let me talk then he said that hes hangin up the call and never to call him back until he does!! am really mad and depressed and i hate him too He also talked about breaking up. He literaly said..you either do what i like or each of us go on different ways. After all that, i just want my things back and wanna break up i cant find anymore excuses for him and dont wanna discuss anything anymore its worthless really am really hurting but am holdin on tryin to spend my time peacefully yet its really hard cuz i cry all the time He was really offensive! i hated that and i couldnt say anything! All that because hes with another girl I really don't care anymore am just sorry for the 4 past years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 He was talkin all the time and never let me talk then he said that hes hangin up the call and never to call him back until he does!! He also talked about breaking up. He literaly said..you either do what i like or each of us go on different ways. Please do yourself a favor dont call him anymore and even if he does call, dont answer. How could he say "you either do what he likes or you go your different ways" who is he to talk to you like that? He's a horrible BF & you seriously deserve better. Dont think of it as 4yrs wasted, think of it as now you are that much closer to finding the one. Please dont waste anymore time on this guy. He's not worth it! Im sorry .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 I realize that now AC143 but we still have to see each other unfortunately cuz he got some of my stuff that i can't leave. am gonna answer but am not gonna be weak and i wont discuss anything anymore i just wanna end this. I think this will surprise him cuz he thinks i can't leave him. am just worried of how to deal with that now i mean what if he start shoutin and all that i really cant talk like that. anyhow, ill just call tomorrow to tell him i want my things and thats all am i right in doing so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Are they that important? Are they not replaceable? If you dont really want to talk to him, maybe send him an email to leave your stuff outside at a certain day/time? I think you are 100% right in sticking up for yourself and leaving this guy!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 I can't think of the next step right now u know but i really dont wanna hear his voice or see him. I'll try to let him leave my stuff at somewhere thats a good idea I think am doin the right thing too i wonder why i didn't earlier its really hard AC ur an angel am really feelin much better talkin about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 You didn't do it earlier because you thought maybe he was worth it, but he's not & you finally realized that. Good for you! Promise yourself you will not let him or any guy treat you poorly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 If you pick your things up, you should have someone with you, preferably a large male person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 He was never physically abusive but i don't trust him anymore. He has temper issues though thanks for the advice AC: I don't think i wanna meet any guy any soon and for sure i wont be the same if i do meet someone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena1607308080 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 If you haven't already decided to leave him, I am seriously hoping that you will do so now! Honestly, this guy's a jerk. You know it. Isn't it better to be "alone" and single than be in a relationship with someone like that? Remember being single isn't bad at all! Once you are rid of this fool, you will feel a great sense of relief and realize how refreshing it is to be so independent and free. I think you should use that time to work on yourself and become a happier person, because anyone who is afraid to be "alone" does not have a lot of self-esteem. You don't need a man as source of happiness! Learn to live and be happy without dating guys all the time! You can do it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Elena: What you said is so true. Your words are really encouraging. I feel like am doing the right thing although it hurts and the future seems really dark. Am very used to him and breaking up with him is so hard. I dont wanna have second thoughts and am really afraid of him not accepting that i finally got more self esteem and want to break up. Things will be clearer as soon as i do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena1607308080 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. Even though many breakups are necessary, none of them are easy. I remember my 5 year long relationship; I was really used to him as well and afraid of the 'unknown' that would come after the break-up... I know I needed to break up but did not have the courage to... I struggled with this for weeks until I finally gathered all my dignity, confidence and courage and left him. I felt sooooo relieved after, and so will you! It'll hurt at first and feel weird, and you'll have moments where you think you need to call him and beg him back because you can't live without him, but you will be strong enough to overcome this - it will only get easier with time. ALSO!! don't keep saying that this relationship was a waste of time! No relationship is a waste of time. No matter how painful or abusive or how short/long they are - each of them make you learn a little more about yourself, about your wants and needs, etc. Every relationship, even if failed, will bring you more experience and wisdom - keep that in mind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 That's true but how long did it take for you to overcome this? i mean did you have hope to have a new better relationship? did u seek one or it just came? i heard that after a breakup one should stay single for a while before gettin into another relationship or else this new relationship would be like a substitute to the last one. you know just to fill the gap.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena1607308080 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 It took me about 3-4 months to be completely over it and fully realize that I will never speak to him again. During this time I just took time for myself, for friends and family, not for any guys. I took the time to heal and move on. I did not seek another relationship, even after I was over him. I was never a fan of actively "seeking" someone - the best guys happened to me when I did not expect it, i.e. did not look for anything. I find that to be true that you should stay single for a while after a relationship. Some people jump into rebounds which is just gonna end up painful for everyone involved. I believe everyone should take a dating-break after a relationship; use this time to work on yourself, learn to be happy without a guy on your side; etc. Relationships aren't what life is all about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Very wise thank you ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carealotbear Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 God he sounds like my ex bf of 4 years mines was always his phone as he had emails an msn on his phone it used to annoy the hell out of me he'd never put it down I thought he was cheating as hes done it lots and turns out I was right seen his emails and he said to this girl ive no one special in my life now i'm free of him and happy I hope your guy isnt doing the same as my ex done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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