Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 All i can think of is that he has been careless about doing anything that has to do with me. I know he is talkin to some other girl i can feel it but i cannot face him with that. I feel that he is trying to trick me and talk from the home phone line and keep the mobile not busy. He said that the home line is now broken so i don't call it. you see it's easy to proof it to myself and you guys but how can i let him know that i know? I really don't wanna break up with him. I don't wanna give him to this other girl. I didn't waste 4 years of my life for a stupid girl to come and take him from me. I really dont know wut to think..I just feel weak and helpless sometimes i dont wanna be with him anymore and other times i feel that i still love him. He never cheated on me before. lately things changed i don't know why! he doesnt seem interested in me anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metwo Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 he doesn't seem interested in you because there is another girl. sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metwo Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 so.. try to catch him... tell him you wanna go out with him... and do something fun.. if he says no... and is tired... why not drop by with something like a movie or something for him...just be liike.. oh i bought this for you... if he's home.. good.. if not.. uh oh... and if he is home and says i thought i told you i was tired... be like.. i was just dropping it off..i saw it and made me think of you...(bs) or something like that... you in with the fam? you said he lives with his bro or someone else? (35 with fam?) seems like you may be wasting your time... the home line is broken? what are we back in horse and buggy days? sheesh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well he's definitely making you look like a fool if he's talking to another girl for hours & then you believe him when he says its a guy friend with a problem. You might not have concrete proof, but for me it would be proof enough to tell him - either tell me what is going on or I'm outta here. That might spark his interest alittle bit. No guy likes a girl that is insecure & by you letting him walk all over you like this is making you look very bad. IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 so he is 35, how old are you? and you've been dating for 4 years and never discussed marriage at all? why is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Since you've been together for 4 years, there should be no reason why you can't have an honest talk with him. Don't let him have all the control, and fill you with excuses, you have legitimate questions, and a right to know. You're afraid of losing him, or losing him to another girl, but what do you have anyway if you stay in this situation? You can't love someone, if you can't trust them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 "so he is 35, how old are you? and you've been dating for 4 years and never discussed marriage at all? why is that?" am 26 the marriage thingy is complicated. We discussed it once when we started the relationship. He said that he doesn't wanna marry again and i said simply ok.. so i dont know now we never mention it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well he's definitely making you look like a fool if he's talking to another girl for hours & then you believe him when he says its a guy friend with a problem. You might not have concrete proof, but for me it would be proof enough to tell him - either tell me what is going on or I'm outta here. That might spark his interest alittle bit. No guy likes a girl that is insecure & by you letting him walk all over you like this is making you look very bad. IMO I don't wanna lose him..and want things to go back like before. if i say am outta here i dont think he would change my mind on that i know it seems like a messed up relationship but we were fine until this girl came to our life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Since you've been together for 4 years, there should be no reason why you can't have an honest talk with him. Don't let him have all the control, and fill you with excuses, you have legitimate questions, and a right to know. You're afraid of losing him, or losing him to another girl, but what do you have anyway if you stay in this situation? You can't love someone, if you can't trust them. yes am afraid of losing him and be alone i dont wanna go through this thats why am fighting for him i realize hes not treatin me well but i wanna change that I dont know how! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 yes am afraid of losing him and be alone i dont wanna go through this thats why am fighting for him i realize hes not treatin me well but i wanna change that I dont know how! Only way would be to stick up for yourself & stop letting him walk all over you. Demand answers & honesty! Like I said before if you keep letting him treat you this way, he will & he will have you and this other girl - or he might leave you for this other girl. Which by the way if he is cheating - you should let her have him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Only way would be to stick up for yourself & stop letting him walk all over you. Demand answers & honesty! Like I said before if you keep letting him treat you this way, he will & he will have you and this other girl - or he might leave you for this other girl. Which by the way if he is cheating - you should let her have him. perhaps i shouldn't act weak guys dont like that right? thanks your answer is very comforting I always demand for answers and honesty but he always gets mad and says that this conversation is over and i cant make him talk again cuz he starts gettin crazy and i don't know how to deal with his rage so i stop talkin and hang up the phone or go away cryin! maybe he has no answers for me thats why Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Yup - stop being weak and/or a push over, its not attractive. How was your relationship these 4yrs? Did you guys spend alot of time with eachother before this all started? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metwo Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 ?^i was wondering same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 it was perfect. We loved each other and we were goin out on almost daily. talking on phone for hours. i spent nights with him and even traveled together. we were gr8 i dunno what went wrong. I feel thats hes bored of me. things are getting boring like we don't talk a lot even when we're on phone there is just long silence..boring topics..u know. I try to talk but hes not interested anymore I try to come up with ideas to get him get out and hv fun but he always refuses and says hes busy or tired or just not in the mood. He is being negative with everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 well, do you want to marry him? because if he never wants to get married again, and you do want to get married, then you need to find a new man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 I don't find marriage important to me right now! i mean whats wrong with living without getting married? everyone keeps asking me the same thing! Sometimes i feel like marriage would be nice but then i say its not important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 yes am afraid of losing him and be alone i dont wanna go through this thats why am fighting for him i realize hes not treatin me well but i wanna change that I dont know how! You do know how, you're afraid to do it because you're afraid of losing him. You will be surprised on how much better you feel when you make the choice to stand up for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I don't find marriage important to me right now! i mean whats wrong with living without getting married? everyone keeps asking me the same thing! Sometimes i feel like marriage would be nice but then i say its not important Marriage is a far road for you right now, you need to get your BF on the same page as you first. The only way to do this is you need to talk to him face to face and find out what is going on. Its not normal to be acting the way he is IF he wants to stay in this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 no he always says hes tired Yes, he has a girlfriend alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxJustMexX Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well you say marriage isn't important, what about living together? I know not all couples live together but after four years, you have to start thinking there may be something wrong. Most people together that long should be getting closer and closer, not further apart. How close are you two? I would think after four years you should be able to confront him regarding any issues in your relationship. Even if you're a pushover, there's got to be something in you that allows you to stand up for yourself. I mean you say you don't want marriage, and he probably doesn't either. So how close can you two possibly get? People that go into something with the predetermination that they're steering away from a goal (like marriage)... usually end up exactly there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well you guys are right i need to know if we can be on the same page or not first. if yes, the next move logically is marriage. the thing is..when we started this relationship we had some kinda agreement that we dont want marriage. I honestly sometimes wish i did not agree on such thing..but now we are together for 4 years i cant break my promise to him. If i bring the subject of marriage he will not like it and we will go through that endless discussion. We are very close now. I sometimes live with him but only for few days. sometimes i dont see him for weeks. I really love him and dont wanna be alone thats why am accepting this situation although sometimes am not comfortable and want to settle down. After he was divorced he promised himself not to get married again. so its hard to change his mind. It's like take it or leave it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 the thing is..when we started this relationship we had some kinda agreement that we dont want marriage. I honestly sometimes wish i did not agree on such thing..but now we are together for 4 years i cant break my promise to him. i think it makes total sense after being together for 4 years, if they were happy, to want to be together even more and make the relationship official. you shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting marriage now, if you didn't earlier. and why don't you see him for weeks at a time? that sounds odd.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, but why would you continue a relationship with this man if you already see the way he is treating you? I understand 4 years is a long time, but if you don't see the relationship going any further than what it is now, don't you somehow feel that it is wasting your time? Surely you made an agreement early on, but feelings change. If two people really wants to be together, they would try to make things work together. It sounds like a one sided relationship to me. You are putting all the effort into making this work, even knowing that he may well possibly be cheating on you. I'm sorry to say this, but where is your dignity? How can you let this person walk all over you? Get some courage and start standing up for yourself. Stop trying to ignore the severity of the situation, and realize how harmful this is to you. How can you hold onto something when he doesn't give you anything to hold onto? Especially considering that you've been with him for 4 years, how can he not tell you what is going on? A relationship should be based on trust and good communication, you have neither in this situation. From what I've seen, it seems as though he has no respect for you either. Stop wasting your time on someone who isn't willing to waste his time on you. If he is cheating on you, why would you want him back anyways? Yes, I know you feel you may have wasted 4 years of your life, but are you willing to waste another 4 years to realize that it's not going to get any better? You have your whole life ahead of you, and there are plenty of fishes out there in the sea. Please realize that you're much better than this and you deserve to be happy! I really hope you think things through... Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatania83 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 it's the idea of being lonely thats killin me. or going through another relationship and having the same problems! men are all the same. this is not my first relationship. My ex bf cheated on me as well. When i met this guy i seriously trusted him and loved him. I can't break up now and meet another man! and i dont wanna live alone. its confusing. but what u said is very true. I guess am gonna change if he accepts that i will continue this relationship but if he doesn't then i have no choice but leaving him. Thanks for your advice it really woke me up i read it 10 times already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 it's the idea of being lonely thats killin me. or going through another relationship and having the same problems! men are all the same. this is not my first relationship. My ex bf cheated on me as well. Don't fall back on sexism. Men aren't all the same. The only common denominator in your past relationships was YOU; your behaviour, your standards, and your choice in men. Don't displace your disappointment onto an entire gender; it helps no-one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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