Girls:How important is it that you're referred to as beautiful in order to feel good about yourself?

[ProtestTheHero]

Someone ballpark the age when bodies start to "go." It will give me something to look forward to.

[Cognitive_Canine]

This is quite true. =/

 

It's cynical. But, sometimes cynical is good.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Someone ballpark the age when bodies start to "go." It will give me something to look forward to.

 

Like beauty, this is also subjective.

 

According to some men, I've been going since the day I turned 18.

[greywolf]

Someone ballpark the age when bodies start to "go." It will give me something to look forward to.

 

It's downhill after 21

[hers]

Earlier I tried looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm pretty over and over again, since I've heard that's a great practice to build your self-esteem.

 

I said it 3 times before I felt completely embarrassed for calling my own BS that I had to walk away.

[tastytoothpaste]

how long do you wait for that for it to be true? and how does internal beauty exactly shine through? i know what I think is beautiful in another's personality, but it's maybe not the same that others think is beautiful. I just don't know how to pick through the "internal" beauty in order for me to feel the best I can about myself.

 

I don't know all the answers, cuz I don't even know if that's true or not. But I have to make myself believe it, because I get terribly depressed if I don't.

 

I just like to believe that when you feel good on the inside, that "beauty" just radiates. The best compliment I've ever gotten was given to me by my sister. She told me, "You know, when you walk into a room, everyone takes notice. You command the attention of a room without a single word." Well if that's true, it's sure as hell not cuz I'm "beautiful." I'm just dealin with what I've been dealt.

[greywolf]

Earlier I tried looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm pretty over and over again, since I've heard that's a great practice to build your self-esteem.

 

I said it 3 times before I felt completely embarrassed for calling my own BS that I had to walk away.

 

It might be easier if you do it this way: Focus on the things about yourself that you do feel pretty about, like your eyes.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Earlier I tried looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm pretty over and over again, since I've heard that's a great practice to build your self-esteem.

 

I said it 3 times before I felt completely embarrassed for calling my own BS that I had to walk away.

 

Walking around naked helps if you feel comfortable enough.

 

So does exercise. Perferably not at the same time.

 

Any practice that helps unite your mind with your body will make you feel better with time.

 

You just have to have the right mindset.

[AKittyGoesMoo]

Earlier I tried looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm pretty over and over again, since I've heard that's a great practice to build your self-esteem.

 

I said it 3 times before I felt completely embarrassed for calling my own BS that I had to walk away.

 

My boyfriend made me do this with the cellulite I have. He made me stand butt naked in front of a mirror with him, stare down my backside, and repeat that I was beautiful over and over again. This activity was embarrassing as hell and didn't create any results until about the 5th time I did it. Keep trying.

[hers]

i look at my stomach a lot. i like my stomach. sometimes i'll poke it hard to see if any flab shakes, and sometimes it does, but i dont mind. i think it's attractive, even though it's not completely flat and doesn't have any muscle accentuating at all.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hey Hers, I know how you feel. People can tell me all they want that I am cute and such, but I have a hard time believing in it. Maybe because I have always hated my height and, in the last few years, my weight gain has not made me happy with myself.

 

Lately, I've just given up on looking cute and such, and just doing what I want. Not sure if throwing in the towel is a good thing.

 

But in your case, you care and that is a good thing since it gives you some self-esteem and you are proud of yourself.

 

I hope you can see that you are beautiful both inside AND out.

[hers]

i do look at some people and say "wow, that's an unfortunate looking person" and then i realize that i have it better htan i think. but it's all still subjective. it's also wrong that i think that way.

 

my ex had a lot of ex girlfriends. they all had really nice bodies but their faces were god awful. i thought i was the prettiest out of all of them. but then i thought about it--i am probably in the same league since he dates ugly girls (ugly by my standards, not his). then i felt ugly.

[scared and alone]

i asked my last boyfriend (a guy I dated last summer) if he thought my sister was pretty based on pictures he'd seen. He told me he woudln't answer that b/c it's not an answer I need to know in order to feel good or bad about myself. I took that to mean that she's prettier than I am. I've since learned not to ask the question if I can't handle the answer.

 

Well I mean, he had no reason to lie to me, we had been broken up for years, I think he just either talked himself into believing it or didn't want to hurt my feelings, or perhaps I was paranoid and he was telling the truth. lol Only he really knows. This is the same guy that cheated on me, then told me that I was the only one he'd leave his fiance for AND told me he'd give me a baby, while his wife was pregnant O.o he's not very reliable. lol

[Jpo]

I'm not sure how relevant this will be to this thread, but I like the idea of a girl "needing" me to tell her how attractive she is every day. I like the feeling I get when I am making a girl feel beautiful.

 

Also, I do not think that your attractive word scale is quite right...

 

Ugly

Plain

Cute/Pretty/Beautiful

 

I have used the last three words interchangeably. I described this one girl who I thought was stunning to my friends as very cute. It just depends on the mood I am in at the time. Although, I do sort of reserve 'cute' for a certain type of pretty, which happens to be the kind I am personally most attracted to. I like my women cute and sexy.

 

I try not to use the word here though, since I notice that women seem to see it as a bad thing.

[itsallgrand]

Hers, don't make me pull out my Joe Cocker CD. Fine, it's come to this! lol.

 

I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't feel absolutely wonderful to have someone, particularly a man you really care about, show and tell you how beautiful you are.

 

But for times when that isn't happening, there is always Joe!!

 

A little "You are so beautiful " therapy. Feel better soon!

 

You are so beautiful to me

You are so beautiful to me

Can't you see

Your everything I hoped for

Your everything I need

You are so beautiful to me

 

Such joy and happiness you bring

Such joy and happiness you bring

Like a dream

A guiding light that shines in the night

Heavens gift to me

You are so beautiful to me

[hers]

ha, sexy is a word i totally forgot about. i dont think i'm sexy, but luckily, i have been called that in the past by boyfriends. one boyfriend used to call me hot all the time. i loved taht.

 

i like when a guy makes me feel attractive. i like putting in the effort for him to make me feel that way. it's just so foregin to me now since it's been so long since i've had that.

 

i dont really think the words are interchangeable. at least not in my opinion. i put more weight for sure on pretty and beautiful. like i won something if i get called one of those.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I get called "cute" mostly.

 

One guy referred to me as "gorgeous" but, besides him, it's always cute.

 

I've also been told that cute is what those kinds of guys like. Cute involves personality. It's having a good sense of humor and endearing way of reacting to things. It's freaking out whenever you see a dog or kitty or cow...

[90_hour_sleep]

i'd rather be sexy than hot, personally. hot does nothing for me in a relationship. like everything else...you soon get tired of looking at something that's not new to you...move on the next thing to provide you with some stimulation. seems to be how our society functions (not suggesting that i agree with or condone that attitude).

 

hot is great initially...but sexy is forever...and so much more useful.

[jul-els]

Someone who is mean, bitter, cold, cruel or nasty is not beautiful no matter how asthetically pleasing they may be.

 

Someone who is kind, compassionate, loving, caring and gracious is beautiful to behold and a blessing to be cherished.

 

I speak from experience.

[Jpo]

Good to know hers, I never knew women viewed that word in such an 'ordinary' light.

 

I get called "cute" mostly.

 

One guy referred to me as "gorgeous" but, besides him, it's always cute.

 

I've also been told that cute is what those kinds of guys like. Cute involves personality. It's having a good sense of humor and endearing way of reacting to things. It's freaking out whenever you see a dog or kitty or cow...

 

That is kind of true.

[greywolf]

I mostly pretend that I hate being called "cute" but I actually like it a little. I don't get called that very often.

[hers]

I agree that cute holds a lot of personality, like personality and physical appearance go hand in hand with that word.

[browneyedgirl36]

I can related to this post so much.

 

Growing up, I received NO validation in terms of my looks at all. If anything, I received a lot of INvalidation -- I was chubby, so my mom had me on diets constantly. I had to get clothes in the kids' plus-size department for awhile, and most of the clothes were ugly. I went through puberty quite early (by 10 I had my period already and probably needed a bra), and I had the lovely acne and oily skin/hair thing going on. I was bullied in school for just about everything -- for being chubby, for having acne (even though it was pretty mild), for my clothes, for being really smart -- you name it. For my teens and pretty much all of my 20's, I suffered from a profoundly poor self image. I could barely stand to look at myself. It didn't help that my older sister looked like a freakin' Barbie (but with dark brown hair) -- size 2, gorgeous thick hair, HUGE dark eyes, etc. She still looks like that, even in her 40's! Guys did not seem interested in me at all, either. The only ones who did were, to put it bluntly, creepy -- NOT guys who would be interested in a real relationship. So, once I broke up with my high school boyfriend (who I dated from 15-19) I didn't date for YEARS. Not even ONE date, other than a couple of disastrous "set-ups" that friends inflicted on me. I was miserable.

 

When I got into my 30's, something happened. I can't really pinpoint exactly what it was, but I became more accepting of myself. I don't know if I finally just gave up on the idea that I had to look a certain way, or if aging just made me soften my attitude toward my looks -- I don't know. I look at magazines and catalogs now, and when I see the women in them, I don't feel down on myself at all. I am NEVER going to look like those women -- it's simply not possible. I just started taking better care of myself, paying a lot more attention to how I presented myself -- clothes, posture, holding my head up, wearing higher shoes, wearing colors that flatter me, growing my hair really long and keeping it really healthy, trying to eat better, exercising more, and, somehow, my view of my appearance has shifted dramatically. I am still a bit overweight (size 10), still have acne sometimes, and if I don't wash my hair everyday it looks greasy. I have cellulite (though it's hidden by clothes), and a stretch mark or two (or five), but I also have really great hair, really white teeth (naturally white), a great smile, I dress well, I carry myself well, etc. More importantly, though, I am kind, compassionate, witty, fun, and very smart (yeah, I'm bragging here, but I truly believe these things about myself, and other people have verified them!) -- those things are WAY more important to me than being externally attractive. As I approach 40, I am mindful of the fact that looks fade, and I am grateful that I went through what I did when I was younger, as it forced me to have to cultivate my personality and focus on other positive internal things. I have been called "beautiful" a number of times since I got into my 30's (I was NEVER called that in my teens and 20's), and while my external looks have changed a bit over time, they haven't changed SO drastically. I think the "beautiful" compliments come more from those parts of my personality that come through in how I interact with others, how I carry myself, the confidence that I have now that I never had when I was younger.

 

I truly believe that MOST people, as they age, get to a point where they accept themselves and feel comfortable with who they are -- both internally AND externally. I don't think this happens for most, though, until after the 20's. The 20's, for me, were worse than being a teenager, really -- I was SO critical of myself back then. Looking back, I'm surprised I emerged from my 20's feeling even remotely OK about myself!

[Jpo]

Well hers, if it makes you feel any better, people only ever call me cute. I have very rarely been called something else. I never really thought of it as bad though.

[hers]

Well hers, if it makes you feel any better, people only ever call me cute. I have very rarely been called something else. I never really thought of it as bad though.

 

it's different for girls, though, i think. b/c you don't really refer to men as pretty or beautiful.