rich 1517 - conversation report

[rich_1517]

Yall would have been proud.

 

i said it all, i said not just calm but with love in my heart. but i felt more attractive, more confindent and well, just me than i had in a very long time.

 

ok heres what took place:

i told her that we are ending. that im sad about it.

 

that before we got there there are things to say.

 

i told her that what we are doing is just what caused us to fail in my opinion. two people waiting for something to happen.

 

that passion left becuase we both gave up, who feels passionate about someone who doesnt acknowledge or accept them?

 

she kept saying i see you as a friend, i want to feel more but i dont want to fake it.

 

so i said then you have to let me go. so she said what about more dates?

 

i said are you truly open to what may grow? she said yes.

 

i did kiss her but she wasnt comfortable, she doesnt want to lose me thats clear so i said the next date is on you.

 

but if you want to find the passion start looking to life without me, it may give you motivation.

 

she is open to the idea of me doing things to create passion between us.

 

i suggested dating others may be the right move to see by comparison just whats out there.

 

she said she wished she had left two years ago, so much has changed. i said i know thats why we failed, we both sat and watched, didnt try and let the relationship suffer.

 

it was amazing but sad too. but if you watched from the edges you would have been smacking your head, my roomate said jesus you are guys are in love. she doesnt see it....

 

so when she left it was a hug and a peck. she hasnt talked to ANYONE about her feelings. NO ONE. so we know why she isnt moving in any directions, she stays confused and waiting, and eventually that apathy will kill it, this i know.

 

she definitely understands that if she doesnt show some interest or be more open that im gone, she gets it. the question is will it be enough to create feelings? i have no idea.

 

but either way i showed up in way i didnt think i would or could. i am not a beaten man anymore.

 

I still want her, and the feeling less then is gone. the question is NOW WHAT? on this i am lost, but she was so much more open to me then before it was crazy.

 

I know she could call or write back and say bye, but she wont, at least i dont think so.

 

but tell me this: she said "we'll talk" i said i dont need to, if you want to we can. she said "will we talk if you want to?" what is that? oh she wants to see if i am still hooked.

 

cheers

[rich_1517]

yeah i know next morning feelings.

 

she didnt flinch at touching but not being able to kiss is a tough one.

 

i guess it doesnt end here does it? unless i choose to end it.

 

she is apathetic. meaning she sits and waits for things to happen. the key was things not happening on her time frame, me not moving in, etc. thats where her feelings went.

 

well a couple things are clear from last night

-> she isnt talking to anyone but me about her feelings. she doesnt trust anyone.

-> she would like to find her feelings again

-> its tied to her trust and conditions that werent met before

-> she is still around

 

ok so IF i wanted to i suppose i could ask her to trust me to find a way to her feelings. that we agree not to date others a litte longer. but she has to want to find her feelings, nothing would work if that isnt so. if she says yes then i have ideas.

 

she doesnt understand the difference between loving someone and being in love. the friends thing is where you start. she does trust me and she is open, but not physically yet.

 

this is murky i could just say "yep" its over, but thats not what i saw last night.

 

the thing is anything i suggest is colored by it coming from me. therapy, relationship weekend, seduction. she has to feel some desire for it to work.

 

suggestions or observations?

[GeeCee]

Good for you Rich!!!

 

You said what you wanted to say in a really calm and collected fashion. I really think that now you have to see what she is willing to do to move closer towards you.

 

You have told her how you feel, and what she can do to remedy the situation. Now allow her the time and space to act on this.

 

Well done.

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

thanks GeeCee

 

I am reliasing (again) that ok if i want this to work, it means more work. acck.

 

she trusts me, she wants to find her feelings. she doesnt understand that in love is blocked by disappointment, fear, etc.

 

she knows she loves, trusts and respects me. that i have most of the things she wants in a partner, that the changes i have made are very much waht she watns and needs.

 

so she is as expected over focused on "in love". i am considering telling her six weeks or lets try a little longer. consider these things

 

-> that "in love" is transient, but can be found overcoming fear, trust, disappoinment

-> that love, respect, etc etc are why a relationship works

-> that i need to know you want to find a solution

-> that if you do i have ideas

 

she was very open to my suggestions about how to introduce pasison. she also calirfied that her "choices" in men being the reason for loss of passion didnt include me, that was nice to hear.

[rich_1517]

well im sad. im letting go. i think there is something else going on, maybe the ex, i dont know.

 

i dont expect to hear from her now. i have made my boundaries and i am going to start dating.

 

i am very very down. i am glad i could show up as i did. i guess sometimes things end. you have your chances and miss them. perhaps i will look back and say wow she really wasnt the one.

 

then she and i will talk someday and she will be doing the same things over and over again.

 

but i loved this girl, i really did. i have to start throwing stuff out and making arrangements for her stuff.

 

whatever happens i have to open up again even if it feels wrong, i have grieved already enough i think. i have to let someone in part way to help me heal.

 

having my job end yesterday didnt help. but it did give me some focus, i think its possible she is hooking up with her ex, he dumped her years ago, maybe she needs to see what that is truly like again.

 

anyway. i may not post for some time. i dont know.

[GeeCee]

Rich

 

I am sorry that you are sad. You have done everything very well, and we have seen from your posts how much you have evolved, spiritually, emotionally and physically. You are a much stronger person, no matter the outcome.

 

Rich, continue to post, this forum it has a very cathartic quality.

 

You will find the peace that you are looking for, it just might not be in the guise you had expected.

 

G xx