potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 ok we've been together for 11 months. ive been through alot of * * * * . since our first date he was crazy....like i told him hey i'm gonna have to leave in 2 hours because its movie night with the girls so...and he flipped out he got up and was like " * * * i cancelled all my plans for you and your gonna leave why don't u just leave now then. this is my first date and first boyfriend...so i was just thinking in my head and i was totally confused thinkiing am i doing something wrong. i confronted about this after like a couple of months and he said he was barred out. so i forgive that incident. ok so second month of dating he made me tell him everything about my past....like everything. i use to be a party girl in austin, texas and so i'm a * * * * * * * and i don't know any better bc its my first relationship i tell him basically everything. also he is such a hypocite ya know....like i'll be on facebook and he'll scoop me over and go thru my inbox and sentbox and i messaged a "guy friend" saying hey why did u delete me as ur friend bc we were good friends and he flipped out on me. and i was like its no big deal i was curious bc he was my good friend and i asked him ok if u think ur so innocent and perfect let me see ur inbox and sentbox. what do you know! he messages girls too saying hey i miss ur pretty smile lets meet for lunch. ughh ok well thats the past please tell me if i'm overreacting with this situation. he use to have a really good girl friend who he went to for advice bc she was older. i don't like her or trust her because she use to text him weird things like "hey come over and open my spaghetti jar" or "hey i'm bored". she was just too needy ya know. i don't think she likes me bc she didn't say hi to me at a party but she said hi to all his other friends and when i went to the bathroom she comes up to him saying "your gf doesnt like me huh?" why does she care. do yall think she likes him or jealous were together bc they use to hang out all the time. so thank god she moved to the east coast but she recently text him and messaged him asking where his cousin was bc his cousin was in jail and wanted to keep it on the dL. of course he didn't reply to any of the text/messages bc he wouldn't want me to do that. so she messages him back on facebook saying "duh i know he is locked up why r u being all secretive with me he gets out tuesday right tell me please!"...if she already knows then why keeping asking....is she just trying to make small talk with my boyfriend? i was really irritated so i didn't know wat to do anymore? like should i message her saying * * * * * back off and find urself a boyfriend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 The only reason you're staying with this maniac is because he's your first boyfriend. That is NOT a valid reason to be with him. This is NOT the guy you should spend the rest of your life with. You used to be a party girl. A muslim guy especially a controlling one, will always throw this fact back in your face. He will always think less of you for that. He may marry you but because you used to party, you're not the most "decent" or "pure" girl in his eyes and he will NEVER give you full respect. In Muslim culture, guys flirting with girls is not a big deal. Girls flirting with guys is a much bigger deal. Girls are divided into 2 categories- marriage material and not marriage material. You have to realize that it's very hard to fall into the 'marriage' material category, especially if you're not Muslim. As for his ex.. he probably liked her so much because she listened to him like a little dog. Don't be that little dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 ok also...i know i have alot to say but me and this guy have been thru soo much and schoool's about to start i just want to make sure i'm doing the right thing by staying or ending everything. my boyfriend is muslim but not a really religious one because he does drink and smoke and he barely goes to the mosque just maybe on fridays but not anymore since he has a new job. and plus he is half puerto rican bc of his mom so tada. before meeting him i use to party all the time and drink because of all the freedom i had in college and so my parents made me move down for the summer and take a semester at home to calm me down and all the guys and girls i met tell me today that i've changed. they tell me that i'm one of the coolest down to earth girls and i use to be so carefree with everything and down to try anything and i bring life to a party. and now that i'm in a relationship they barely see me and when they do see me they dont get to talk to me bc my boyfriend is hogging me. but i feel like my boyfriend is good for me because i dont go out anymore and he wants the best for me like going to school but then again i'm really depressed bc i have no friends. he always wants me to stay home. i can't even go tanning with friends bc he thinks the guys are gonna be there so i have to tan oustide my backyard by myself. how depressing its just really unequal in our relationship. i feel like if i leave him i'm gonna go back to my old habits which is drinking and partying everynight bc i do miss it since i barely do it now a days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 So wait... His mum isn't Muslim, he doesn't even follow his religion properly, yet he wants you to convert? Sorry. This is never going to change. He will be drinking, talking drugs, gambling, talking to girls.. and you will be locked up in the house, reading the Kuran and cooking his meals and wiping his toilet. I think you need to learn how to take care of yourself. You're keeping him around because he tells you what to do. You need to tell YOURSELF what to do. Control yourself, don't drink and party as much. Focus on work/school. Keep this up and you will not have any friends left. I can show you the blog of a lady who converted to Islam, and she is now trying every day to escape her deranged, controlling husband, if you want. But I really wish you'd just think about it and end it with this guy. You are not getting anything out of this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 yea his mom converted and she was catholic and yea she is depressed bc she tells me all the pills she takes to help her. his dad is so rude and angry and hates me and i'm such a nice girl i havent done anything to hurt his dad i always say hi but he says mean things behind my back because i'm asian. rudde and how racist and what a hypocite right? he married a puerto rican. he never drives to see me either...like i have to drive to his side of town to viist him which is 30 mins away and his excuse is he doesn't have ez tag or there's nothing to do on my side of town. oh and my friends 21st birthday is coming up and...oh nvm he's controlling you know this. do u think he's emotionally abusing me? like cussing at me when he's angry and taking it out on me and limiting me from doing things like working here or there and threating me saying u do this and its over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 He is emotionally abusing you when he cusses at you. He is emotionally abusing you when he tells you you cant see your guy friends. He is emotionally abusing you when he continues to do things he wont let you do. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you he'll change, giving you false hope, and never changing. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you youll never find another guy like him. You are going to end up just like his mother. This emotional abuse will turn physical if you ever disobey him as his wife. Please stop looking for reasons to stay with him. Do you live in Australia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 well potty mouth, i think AyO pretty much listed out everything that's going on in this relationship. Take a look at it. If one of your friends was in a relationship like this, what would you tell her? A person is emotionally abusing when you puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself or things you want to do, cusses you out. A person is controlling when they tell their significant other what they can and cannot do. There is no equality in this relationship and I think not only do you deserve someone better, but I really believe you can find someone who will treat you way better than he does. I'm not putting him down because of this religion but of the way he treats he you. I think you deserve so much better and I hope you end up doing what's right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Unfortunately I have to tell you that your bf is not a healthy person. He is pretty much disturbed. Why do you obey him, how come you didn't end up being very angry at him for not letting you be yourself. Don't you just wanna dump his ass when you can't go to the movies. Why do you want to be his slave? I bet one of the guys you're friends with finds you attractive so why stay with this one who is just a very mean and bad person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Unfortunately I have to tell you that your bf is not a healthy person. He is pretty much disturbed. Why do you obey him, how come you didn't end up being very angry at him for not letting you be yourself. Don't you just wanna dump his ass when you can't go to the movies. Why do you want to be his slave? I bet one of the guys you're friends with finds you attractive so why stay with this one who is just a very mean and bad person? A lot has to do with the fact that he ruins her self esteem by telling her she'll never find someone else. He is also her first boyfriend. I hope you realize potty mouth that yours is a domestic violence situation and nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 he is soo funny though and he's super duper smart and he doesnt even go to college but ends up getting badass jobs that need college degrees. and he can dance well and he outgoing and he's like a comedian. he can do voice impressions of anyone and anything. i like him bc he can make me laugh and entertain me and i can bring him anywhere bc he gets along just about anyone. i know he would stand up for me if anyone hurts me like he's not a whimp. he really cares and when he does have money he does spend it on like a weekend somewhere or nice place to eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 but there are guys out there who will do all of that too! And they will give you freedom to go out with your friends or talk to your guy friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 he is soo funny though and he's super duper smart and he doesnt even go to college but ends up getting badass jobs that need college degrees. and he can dance well and he outgoing and he's like a comedian. he can do voice impressions of anyone and anything. i like him bc he can make me laugh and entertain me and i can bring him anywhere bc he gets along just about anyone. i know he would stand up for me if anyone hurts me like he's not a whimp. he really cares and when he does have money he does spend it on like a weekend somewhere or nice place to eat. I'm funny, smart, I haven't been to college, I earn more than most graduates, I'm a good actress. That doesn't mean you should date me. Those things you mentioned.. don't even matter if this guy treats you like crap. You only think he's so super duper, because you dont even have much contact with other guys at the moment. I would stand up for STRANGERS if someone hurt them. He is NOTHING special. What he's doing is not "special". Hell, it's not even the minimum that's required of a boyfriend, or a human being, for that matter. Is he much better looking than you? Does he have "status", is he super popular? Do you think he's out of your league or something? Is that why you're staying with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Barton Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 What do I do? You leave him. He's treating you like his child, like he's above you. Don't ever let anyone treat you that way, you're better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 he is soo funny though and he's super duper smart and he doesnt even go to college but ends up getting badass jobs that need college degrees. and he can dance well and he outgoing and he's like a comedian. he can do voice impressions of anyone and anything. i like him bc he can make me laugh and entertain me and i can bring him anywhere bc he gets along just about anyone. i know he would stand up for me if anyone hurts me like he's not a whimp. he really cares and when he does have money he does spend it on like a weekend somewhere or nice place to eat. Hon, this means he puts a nice show in front of other people to look super cool. He's a brilliant actor who loves to be charming. And he pays you an occasional dinner or weekend. But are you willing to trade that for your freedom and friends? Is that enough? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown1607307972 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 he is soo funny though and he's super duper smart and he doesnt even go to college but ends up getting badass jobs that need college degrees. and he can dance well and he outgoing and he's like a comedian. he can do voice impressions of anyone and anything. i like him bc he can make me laugh and entertain me and i can bring him anywhere bc he gets along just about anyone. i know he would stand up for me if anyone hurts me like he's not a whimp. he really cares and when he does have money he does spend it on like a weekend somewhere or nice place to eat. And you realise there are guys out there like this but *better*? I don't mean to be blunt. I just think staying in this relationship is bad for anybody and it's sad when there's so many other decent men out there. Ones who'll treat you like an equal. Ones who can fulfil all the good things about him and also make you happier in all these other areas. Your title alone, "boyfriend is making me miserable and depressed", that says it all about this relatioship. For your own good, break away, at least start detatching slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Well, it sounds like he's a young controlling, insecure douchebag, coupled with the fact that Islam isn't exactly the most caring and warm school of belief where rights of women are concerned... Run. Run quickly. Run fast and free. Skip. Gallop. Get in a car and drive away. Whatever you need to do, MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY! ...or you'll just be a prisoner all your life, because if you give an inch, you'll end up within 20 years finding you've given 10 miles. RUN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkrobot Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 he is soo funny though and he's super duper smart and he doesnt even go to college but ends up getting badass jobs that need college degrees. and he can dance well and he outgoing and he's like a comedian. he can do voice impressions of anyone and anything. i like him bc he can make me laugh and entertain me and i can bring him anywhere bc he gets along just about anyone. i know he would stand up for me if anyone hurts me like he's not a whimp. he really cares and when he does have money he does spend it on like a weekend somewhere or nice place to eat. No matter how terrible a relationship is, you can always find good things to say about the person you're with...otherwise, why did you ever begin dating them to begin with? But the thing is, you have to look at how much his negative attributes are outweighing these positive ones you've listed. You can have him, the way he is, or you can go find another man with all these positive attributes (and more!) who DOESN'T come with the controlling behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 God, I feel so sorry for you! You need to leave him. He is just making you feel more and more worthless, and you're not. Your life would be so much better without him. I think it will be very hard for you to walk away, but once you do, you won't look back and will feel relief. You will have your girlfriends (and your boy friends) who are there for you, which is lovely. Do it, this is not what love is all about and you know that. I think that is probably contributing to you feeling so awful because you know in your heart that you are being treated badly. I can't think of anything worse than feeling so trapped by a guy and to not be able to see your friends without being made to feel you are doing something wrong and also to be compared to old girlfriends is just so cruel. Please leave and get on with your life xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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