potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 I'm new to this website. My friend told me to make an account on here because she thought everyone would give me some honest feedback about my situation. Right now my boyfriend makes me feel upset and depressed. I cry a lot because of the things he does. I have no friends anymore (especially guys) because he doesn't like me hanging out with them. Today he cursed at me because something didn't work out with his getting a new car. He made me feel really bad, but it wasn't my fault that the car he wanted got sold. Sometimes he tells me what I can and cannot do. He also tells me whether or not I'm allowed to go out even though he goes out with his guy friends all the time. That doesn't seem fair to me. He is constantly telling me that I'm stupid and says that all of his old girlfriends were smart, yadda yadda. I just feel miserable all the time. I miss my guy friends from school and I wish that I could still hang out with them. I also miss getting to have girls nights where its just me and the girls. Today I got back from a friends house and he was really mad that I stayed the night there (it was my best friend who is a girl). I have given him so many chances and I don't know what to do anymore. When we make up after fights he always says that he will change, but he never does. What do I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aueft Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Every sentence I read made me want to yell "leave him!" more and more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mia_of_Doom Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Every sentence I read made me want to yell "leave him!" more and more. Agreed. He is actually being abusive. You deserve much better and shouldn't stand for his treating you like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 If I end up marrying my boyfriend I have to convert to Islam, and I told him I would convert only if I was allowed to sit up there with all of the guys because I don't want to sit in the back because the religion is so unequal. I like being Catholic even though I'm not real religious and stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 Agreed. He is actually being abusive. You deserve much better and shouldn't stand for his treating you like this. I do think he's a good person sometimes because he wants me to go to school and he wants me to have a good relationship with my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkrobot Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Welcome to ENA. I'm going to come right out and say it, your boyfriend is controlling...and it's only going to get worse. How long have you been with him? Has he always been this way, or has this just been lately? He has no right to blame things on you that you both a) didn't influence whatsoever, and b) have no control over. As far as giving you permission to do things--that's what's really bothersome when I read your post. Many (not all, but many) men who control their girlfriends/wives this way end up physically abusing them in an effort to control what they do. It's unsettling that he's acting this way because he could very well reach that point somewhere down the road. Personally, I would leave him if that was my boyfriend. But just make sure if you stay with him, you communicate with him about it, and if it gets worse then it's probably time to get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 He forbids me to go to my friends apartment because their are guys over there. We have been dating around eleven months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mia_of_Doom Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Le sigh. It's your life, do what you want with it. But as more replies come in, you should take them all with a grain of salt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkrobot Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 He forbids me to go to my friends apartment because their are guys over there. It doesn't matter what his reasoning is. You are your own person and you make your own decisions. It's reasonable for him to express to you how he feels about you going to friends' houses when guys are there. But it's up to you to decide whether or not you actually go. And honestly, if there was trust in this relationship that wouldn't be an issue (the "other guys" thing, that is). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 like pinkrobot said, your boyfriend sounds very controlling and abusive. He not only dictates the relationship but how you should be spending your time and with whom. It sounds like he gives you no freedom to be who you are or do things that make you happy so it's understandable why you're constantly upset. Relationships should be filled with happiness, communication, trust, and equality. There seems to be none of that in this one. If the same problems keep reoccurring, then something needs to change. But you said he will try and then it goes back to the same thing. You may want to rethink this relationship because it seems that you are very unhappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 He is not an adult, he is an overgrown child. He makes the promises of treating you better the same way a child would promise not to misbehave again. Do you want to be with a child who takes his anger out on you and is jealous of your playmates? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 He is not an adult, he is an overgrown child. He makes the promises of treating you better the same way a child would promise not to misbehave again. Do you want to be with a child who takes his anger out on you and is jealous of your playmates? He says I'm the one thats immature though. I just talked to him and told him all of the things that are making me upset and he said all of my points were stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 He says I'm the one thats immature though. I just talked to him and told him all of the things that are making me upset and he said all of my points were stupid. You are the only person who can look out for your own best interests. Clearly he would rather control you than love you. Tell him to take a hike and find yourself a real man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkrobot Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 I just talked to him and told him all of the things that are making me upset and he said all of my points were stupid. Wow, that's a valid argument for an adult conversation. "Your points are stupid!" Like waveseer said, he's a child. If you need to look at it this way, here's the bottom line: he's your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is supposed to make you feel happy. Your boyfriend specifically, however, is making you UNhappy. That's the whole problem right there. And if he refuses to acknowledge that and work toward a resolution with you, then you deserve much better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 One of my guy friends said that I deserve better too, but I am just worried at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 he's never going to change if he doesn't see what he's doing is wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 One of my guy friends said that I deserve better too, but I am just worried at the moment. What are you worried about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 What are you worried about? I'm unhappy and I don't know if I should break up with him because I love him a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 I'm unhappy and I don't know if I should break up with him because I love him a lot. You don't actually have to break up with him. Just write him an email or letter asking him nicely to either treat you well or leave you alone. Be very specific in how you'd like to be treated. What's most likely to happen is that he says he will comply and then he doesn't even try. When that happens then you can say goodbye knowing you make the right choice and with him knowing the reason exactly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 what did your boyfriend say he would try to change about himself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 he said he'll try to be more lenient on me but its taking forever. like he'll only let me go out once a week with a friend. if i decide to go out the next day or something like dinner with the girls he'll say " ha your not going"? oh and if i do go out he'll say no drinking. oh and my friends invited me to go see the ugly truth and of course he was like you can go but if there's gonna be guys you know u can't go sorry. soo it really sucks. i can't help it if the other girls invite their guy friends. he knows i'm not intersted but still he says no. as you can see i do alot of asking if i can do this or that but not telling him straight forward because if i do he'll threaten to break up with me. soo rude. and he makes me feel if i break up with him i'm gonna be miserable bc there's no one out there like him like i'm gonna be losing something good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkrobot Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Do you have a job? Do you ever go to the grocery store by yourself? Your boyfriend DOES realize guys are virtually everywhere, right? If you go to work, there are guys. If you go shopping, you pass by many, many guys. He can't keep you from being in the vicinity of every single man on the planet. Oh, and here's my two cents on this: he makes me feel if i break up with him i'm gonna be miserable bc there's no one out there like him like i'm gonna be losing something good He's sadly mistaken, because not only is there someone out there just like him, but there are plenty of men out there who are a hundred times better than him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potty_mouth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 lol thats funny thanks for making me smile and laugh. i've been crying gallons of tears all night that was much needed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 these are terrible things to say! How can he say that to you?!?!? I mean, he makes you cry all the time and makes you feel bad if you go out with other people, especially guys. I mean, for someone to change, they got to realize on their own what they are doing and then change. FOr someone to try and change it takes awhile for it to happen. Are you willing to wait a while to see if he even will try to be lenient with you? you said this guy is muslim, right? Well my mom's side of the family is and this is typical male behavior for a muslim man. They are very protective and very hard on the women. THey don't like them talking or spending time with other men. So from my experience, I believe this is who he is, so if you stay with him, you must accept him for who he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ay0_x Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Oh my god. LEAVE HIM NOW!!! You say you have to convert to Islam to marry him. Let me tell you some stuff. 1/ A muslim guy can marry a catholic girl so no, you dont "HAVE TO". 2/ In Islam, there is no such thing as rape within marriage and a man may 'discipline' his wife physically as long as he does not leave a mark on her. He might not be "disciplining" you now but it is in the future for you! 3/ If you convert to Islam, forget about seeing your guy friends. Forget about seeing your family. In Islam a girl cannot leave the house without her husband's permission. I'm not saying that all Muslim guys are like this but I will bet money that your boyfriend is like this. He's already controlling you and he hasn't even got a ring on your finger. LEAVE HIM PLEASE! You will be forced to wear a hijab if you stay with this guy any longer. You will be forced to live his lifestyle. What sacrifices is he making for YOU for you to be changing your faith for him? NOTHING! Leave him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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