This is to you my former love - I miss you tonight

[kungfumaster]

Wow – its been over 4 months of no contact – I have come along ways. I am not mad or angry as I use to the first 3 months. I've come to realize it was really hard for both of us, and we both made mistakes. I forgive you for your mistakes, and I forgive myself for my mistakes. We both contributed equally to the failure of our relationship. Why did fate have to throw us these challenges? Why did this school 19 hours away from you accept me, instead of the ones that I applied for in the same city as you? Why? Why did fate have to tear us apart ? Were we not meant to be with each other? I guess life is always like that though – full of changes – we cannot control it. We have to deal with it the best we can.

 

I did feel very healthy when I was with you though. I felt like a real, healthy, mature man who was growing up finally – accepting his responsibilities as a provider, a nurturer, a confidant, a friend, and a lover. I felt very health, and on my way to bigger and better things with you. I felt that way. Yes, you had issues, I had issues too, but I thought maybe we could have worked it out together – to grow together – to mature together. I know it was harder on you though – I know – and that's probably why you broke up with me – I think anyways. It was hard on me too, but I didn't want to give up. The distance was nothing to me – I thought it would just give us both room to concentrate on our careers, with you finishing school and looking for a job, and me getting my first year experience that I'll need for later, when I planned to get a job in a city WE BOTH WOULD WANT TO LIVE IN. I thought the distance would just make us stronger – I know in my mind, the distance strengthened my commitment to you, but unfortunately, it just lessened your commitment to me.

 

Today is your last day of class. I wonder what you are doing now. I hope you are having a good time, and I just wish I could be with you to enjoy it. I hope you are celebrating, because you deserve it - you have been through a lot, and still have lots to deal with. I don't know, I just want to phone you on this important day but I'm not going to. I use to always love spending time with you on the important days. It felt so good to be with you on those important days. I don't know. It just felt very natural – I felt alive and happy to be with you on the important days. I don't know, I just felt that on your important days were our important days – it was a win for both of us.

 

There is 3 weeks of final exams, and after that, you will be free. I wonder what you have planned for the summer. I know your mom, auntie and uncle are coming to your graduation. I would have loved to come. I would have loved to meet your mom – who has been there for you thick and thin, who loves you more than anything in the world – I would just love to have said thanks Mrs. XXXX for being there for my XXXX. I would have loved to meet you Auntie and uncle too, because they are always supporting you, they are always behind you. But I know you probably won't have extra tickets for your graduation, and you probably don't want me there. I just want to see you walk the stage with a big smile on your face. I just wish I could be there for you, to share your moment. I wish somehow I might be a part of your success, but I know it was all you – you did the work – you put in hard work and tears. You. I just want to give you a big hug and congratulate you. I am so proud of you. I wanted to give you the biggest roses in the world on your special graduation day.

 

I still don't know what happened. Were you not ready. Was it just me – I did not treat you like you wanted? Was it the distance?? What did I do wrong? I know I wasn't there for you at the right moment, but you too weren't there for me when I wanted you to be too.

 

Anyways, tonight, I really miss you because I always loved celebrating important days with you. You have gone through 4 years of university – AND THAT IS YOUR LAST CLASS YOU'LL EVER TAKE (if you decide never go to school for further education that is). You've worked so hard, and I was there with you for 2 years of it. I have gone through all your hard work, your joys, your sadnesses, your frustrations, your tiredness, your playfulness, you – yourself – I have been there with you and for you. I just wish I could share in your success. I guess if I can't be there for you in person, just know that I will be there in heart. Here's to you XXXX. Congratulations my love. I miss you. I love you. I wish you all the best in the world.

 

Thanks for listening everyone - and letting me vent. God bless you all.

[TheRock]

That was a very nice letter KungFu. I can tell you have a good heart and that you will be fine sometime soon. I know the pain is still there a little, but you seem to be handling it constructively and positively. This will help you come throught his even stronger. Remember you said that you forgave her for her mistakes and that you also forgave YOURSELF for your mistakes. This was a great realization. Forgiving yourself is a great gift. I almost forgot that for myself, and your writing this line helped me when I read it. Thanks. I need to remember to forgive myself sometimes too. It does help.

You'll be fine.

[woopsydaisy]

Beautiful...............keep strong.

[Lone Dragon]

Well Said Kung Fu Master...

[disEnchantid]

hey-

that was a sweet letter, I write letters to my ex on my ejournal all the time (but I make them private so no one can read them), it is very cathartic. You are such an amazing guy with so much to offer, I know you will find someone equally amazing who returns your feelings. Stay strong!! You and me are both four months and counting