I am lost..ran out of ideas

[fransk127]

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 4 years.. we have always been close but after college she moved to the north-east and i stayed to finish school. we visited back and forthbut the long-distance became a problem until she finally broke up with me (because i forgot to call when i didn't show up) ..but to me it did not feel that way because we always have gone back together after all our past problems and she still came back to see me. we still and we talked but she insisted we where not back together. then she told me she meet somebody else. she has see this guy like once a moth but she says is not serous and still loves me.i finally move to where she lives and bought her a nice tifananys necklace and flowers she agree we will try and get back after i told her i loved her more than any thing. I think I kind off pressured her into this, after a long crying sesion.I told her i loved her she said the same but i started working nights last week and she went and saw the guy ..now she says that she only thinks of me as a friend and that i need to give her space. I don't mine been her friend but i love her and get really angry because i have her everything she ever wanted and now she is pushing me away. she still tells me that she se us getting a place in September and just needs time by her self but i see it as she wants to be with him. I want us to be happy together. I am her first boy friend and she has never dated. i want to give her space but i don't know anybody in Boston so a call her all the time. I even sleep there sometime but there is no sexual contac at all. I miss our on relation ship what can i do to make her stop seening this guy and come back to me. no contac is hard because i don't know anybody else in twon. and she no only thinks of me as a friend.what can I do....

[Michael2]

No contact.

 

Do a search on this board and you will find a massive amount of posts on this topic.

 

One word, any lover dreads, is ...... you ready.... the infamous "FRIENDS".

 

Did you feel a shiver down your spine when you heard that word. THat one word has been known to cause mass hysteria and destruction to a male/female ego.

 

Time to play and enter the world of the no contact game. Are you up for this challenge, I know you are!

 

Here we go:

 

RULE 1: You are not her boyfriend anymore, so , you do not ACT like her boyfriend ANYMORE. Sounds simple, well its not. Think of if it this way; you will be going through an emotional withdrawal. So be prepared . You will experience heartache, endless bouts of crying, you may even play some sad love songs, you will walk around aimlessly as if you are on a cloud. This is normal , but just be ready for it. Okay

 

Rule 1 includes and is not limited to the following: No more I love you's, no more I miss you's, no more being there for her, NOTHING. You do not call her, you dont write her, you do not text her. In your mind she does not exist.

 

ready for Rule 2: Well its the same as rule one.

 

It sounds simple, but it will be one of the most difficult situations your life will encounter.

 

No contact is about healing, but it has an added twist of showing the ex you are independent.

[curbie]

Micheal> I guess I'll take your rules and slap them up on my bare walls in my bedroom. My ex's pictures she made of her and I used to hang up on my bedroom walls. I usually call her and we mutually get along, etc....but I keep telling myself that I need to do the NC thing and when it REALLY comes down to it, I feel that I'm too chicken to do it. I'm going to try it for a full month in June. 90% of my time I think of my ex. Anyways....she is supposed to *not sure if she will have time* but come over to help me create a spreadsheet for our bills. I want to tell her about my plan of NC and see what she has to say about it. I am trying to put it in my mind that she doesn't exist as you put it.

 

 

fransk127> I had done the crying thing to my ex once before and she came back...I feel stupid now, b/c i only pressured her. She made me promise that if her feelings didnt change, that I wouldnt cry and pressure her. It didn't work so well....so i didnt come accross as very independent. In fact, i came off as a TOTAL loser! Hang in there, b/c I know how you feel

[pepsimax]

I want to tell her about my plan of NC and see what she has to say about it.

 

Curbie, this defeats the object of no contact. You're saying "I'm not going to contact you, is that OK?" when what you want to SHOW is "I'm not going to contact you because I don't need to" (it doesn't matter if you don't believe it - actions speak louder than words).

[gallway]

Hey man, just a bit of moral support. My ex and split in October after 7 years of living together because I didn't want to get married...I didn't know what I had. Anyway, we were friends but we agreed not to talk a month ago after I told her I wanted her back. Anyway, the problem with the advice you're hearing in this forum is that it seems so simple, and yet is so difficult to follow. We're all going through similar stuff. The backstories are different, but we wouldn't be here if we weren't basically in the same boat. One thing I'd highly reccommend is seeing a counselor. My insurance covers 10 visits for free and I've gotten alot out of it. No drugs, no psycho-babble, just talking things over....especially when your friends are tired of hearing about it! There's no way to know what's going to happen, but the best thing to do is cover your own bases. I left graduate school right before finishing my PhD, took a high-intensity white-collar job, moved, bought a new car, and dated half a dozen new women. Making some changes helped me feel in control, though at the end of the day the love is still there. Anyway, think about changing your surroundings/lifestyle. If you ever see her again she'll see it in your eyes and that could make all the difference. Good luck!! I know this sucks.