if your lt partner was asked this?

[Ms Darcy]

I just read one of your other threads where you say this:

 

"say your partner had an ex who they broke up because she was a traveller from another country and was young but your partner had stayed in touch with an ex (the ex b4 you) and had asked them for 'one last time' before they left the country. Your partners ex said no.

 

your partner stayed in touch with the ex since than and it has now been 4 yrs. Now your partner has over this time explained to his ex that he had soft spot for her, had thought 'what if' about her, thought of her a bit and has asked for photos of her including naked ones etc, has told the ex that they could never see them again as they would be far toooo tempted to cheat.

 

Say your partner also has sent numerous emails and online conversations with the ex saying he would definetly cheat to be with the ex even one last time. Your partner has also said that if they were single they would get their ex over ASAP. Your partner has also said they think of ways to get away with seeing the ex again and how they fantasise about them and that they feel like there is unfinished business bw them and the ex.

 

Your partner also wishes they were single sometimes. When the ex asked your partner if they would be upset if you left your partner they replied 'i dunno, i so dunno.....life goes on'.

 

your partner often mentions what he would like to do to and with the ex, not all of it sexual but some is.

 

Your partner says they know it would be wrong but they are very tempted and would most prbably cheat if they ever saw the ex.

 

how would you feel?

what would you think about this?

is it cheating?

would you break up with them?"

 

 

Seren, This information is a LOT more troublesome than your previous posts in this thread and it confirms for me what I said above. But let me take it one step further: he is using you as a security blanket and he is not in love with or commited to you. This is blatant disrespect.

 

He may or may not be in love with her, but he's definitely not in love with you. I must repeat this. He's NOT in love with you.

 

To answer the questions you ask in the post ... I would feel anger, disappointment, shock, confusion, and resolution. I would think that he's not in love with me and is acting in an unacceptable manner. I would consider this borderline if not complete emotional infidelity. And I would break up with him and find someone who loved me faithfully.

[ladyblue07]

I think after 7 years together, it would bother me much more that he said he would maybe cheat, maybe still has feelings, 'good thing we don't live in the same country', etc. With all that combined, it's not surprising at all that he would say "I dunno". Aside from the fact that you say he uses "non-commital language" regularly, everything you have found suggests he's not as committed as you are. So, the "I dunno" fits the puzzle and is not out of character.

 

Yes, now that you have mentioned this extra information about how he tells his ex about your relationship problems and openly admits he might want to cheat with her, I understand why you are concerned about things. It does sound like this guy is not as committed to the relationship as you are.

 

After seven years, it is what it is. It's not going to change. If you're not satisfied with how things are now it might be better to start thinking about moving on.

[seren]

Wow. Miss Darcy especially thank you for such an imformiave post and you also, savigon for your insight. You guys put so much into your responses, I honestly do appreciate them even if it isnt what i want to hear.

 

Thanks everyone for the replies..honestly.

 

What you said Ms Darcy made a lot of sense. It isnt okay with me, I just feel so stupid and at a loss with what to do because as you can imagine after 7 yrs there is a lot involved, money, living arrangments, friends, furniture, list goes on.

 

also the effort I have put in.

 

I suppose i think things like he is just feeding her this bs to get his kicks not only to hide how i really feel, how hurt i really am but also because he hasnt left me for her. You know. I do sometimes get the feeling though that maybes he is type to wait for me to leave so he doesnt have to do it.

 

Maybe he hasnt left me for her because he doesnt think it would wor with her, he said this to her in a conversation..he said " if i was single i would get you over here asap...i dont know if it would work but yah".

 

I dont know.

 

It isnt right that he has been doing this regardless. Its just some peoples advice to me has been that unless he has actually cheated its fine.

 

Maybe if his ex said yes to an affair he would find he wouldnt actually be able to go through with it. I dont know.

 

I just need to worry about me, and think really hard about what i think is acceptable and not. This is goig to be hard.

 

thanks a lot for aaaaaaall your support

 

Can I ask; say he is just saying this stuff to her just to get his kicks and he doesnt really care for her or anything. would you still be worried? would u still brek up with him for doing what he has done?

[Jd1983]

To be honest, I highly doubt he is just telling these things to her for the sake of telling her. You have to realize that these are the things you saw by snooping. Had you confronted him, he would deny it. I don't mean to make you think, but I would definitely be worried. 1) He's already told her that he still has feelings for her 2) He's mentioned that he's open to an affair. These are already red flags.

 

I strongly suggest that you have a long talk with him and ask him where you stand in this relationship. You already invested 7 years into the relationship, the least he can do is tell you the truth. Good luck.

[Scorpion Fury]

It's an honest answer. Life does go on. I'd say the same thing.

[catfeeder]

[...] Can I ask; say he is just saying this stuff to her just to get his kicks and he doesnt really care for her or anything. would you still be worried? would u still brek up with him for doing what he has done?

 

That's a good question to ask yourself. How do you feel about someone stringing ANYone along with BS for kicks?

 

If that's what he's doing, then that spells out his capacity for deception. If that's not what he's doing, then that spells what he thinks of disregarding you. Which is better?

 

In your corner.