what am i doing wrong..

[genster]

I broke up with my ex a month ago. It's very hard on me because he cheated. I'm a very independent person and i seldom rely on others but i'm in terrible need of comforting or advices.

If you are so keen to listen, here's my story.

 

We've been together for 4 years and it's a LD relationship. He has hurt me a many times but i've always given him a chance..i know stupid of me but i couldn't help it; i loved him. Everything was going great again and i was starting to build my trust back for him and love him again. He was coming to see me again and also to celebrate our 4th year anniversary. However suddenly he decided to take my name and our picture off of msn and then one night i went into his email because my gut told me something wasn't right and i found out he was cheating on me. For a whole month he was telling i love you to another girl besides me. It was also LD with the other girl so i thought he didnt do anything yet maybe we had a chance to work things out. I told him to choose right now to work things out with me and cut contact with her or we break up. And he hesitated so i left.

He said he wanted to come see me first and maybe work things out.

But he was unfair..he had someone just in case.

It really hurts to be backstabbed.

 

And now my heart hurts and i'm trying to move on. I know i deserve better but its been 4 years that i've been with him and i'd be lying if i said i was fine.

Because of him i lost a lot of contact with a lot of my friends and i started to talk to them again but it still doesnt fill in the space he occupied.

 

Thank you for reading, it feels a bit better to let things out.

Any input or comments would be nice =S

[jdpreacher]

I'm sorry but I'm not a fan of LDRs they usually never work and someone always ends up hurt one way or another. Cheating is one of the most common practices with this type of relationship.

 

My advice would be to pull up your boot straps and move on...and next time find someone closer to home.

 

Preacher

[greywolf]

Then you have the type where it's totally online and phone and they never meet, or meet once or twice. I can't understand that at all...there are plenty of single people that live a heck of a lot closer.

 

i believe the OP was looking for advice about her situation, not for criticism and judgment.

 

OP, I know it's hard, but it sounds like it's for the best. Just keep yourself busy, find new hobbies that you enjoy, hang out with your friends, and soon you'll notice that you think about him less and less.

[bear314]

Long distance relationships are special because it puts more emphasis on communication which I believe can build a very strong bond. This happened to me 3-5 months ago and I myself am still hurting because I lost something very special. The hole that he left is not going to be filled up right away. You have probably heard this but the best advice is to go into no contact. Reason being is to allow the wounds he left to heal. I know the beginning is not going to be easy but that is his fault and not yours. So do not think it has anything to do with you because he made the conscious decision to be unfaithful and string you along with some other poor girl. A lot of guys can be fickle like that. You want something more meaningful and long lasting. This guy did you wrong once and will likely do it again if given the chance. He will learn what he lost. And although your probably hurting right now do not worry. Karma will come right around and bite him in the ass and help you find the man of your dreams that I can promise. No doubt about it girl. You keep the faith and be strong for a future with so much potential.

 

Best way to get over a guy is to get under another (no sexual pun intended)

[Effervescent]

I feel your pain OP. My ex and I broke up two months ago after 3.5 years together. We had lived together for two years and have been LD for the past year. Things were fine, until he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I'm not sure if the distance really made a difference. Sometimes things just don't work out. I'm going to assume it was all for the best. My life has improved significantly after my breakup, but I won't lie and say it's been easy. Just keep yourself busy. What kept me going was my determination to live better than he does and to make him regret letting me go. Your breakup shouldn't destroy you. You should use it as motivation to become a better person. Stay strong!

[Coyote9]

Hi genster...I can relate to you post, when my LDR ended a few months ago, I was devastated...I couldn't understand why something that felt so right turned out to be so very wrong...I think LDR's don't really give a clear idea of who the person is, and also don't allow the relationship to develop in a normal way...there's incredible highs, and also much pain as you spend so much time apart. It's sad, but what happened to you is pretty common I think. I posted this in the "long distance relationship" forum here a while back...it might help you as well...

 

My ex ended it in an e-mail..and while we talked briefly by phone the next day, I have had not contact with her since...it's been very hard and very painful. I"m far from moved on after a couple of months, but I know there's no closure to be had here, only acceptance...and the grief process that we have to do without our ex's. Hang in there...I know the pain you are feeling...of being both betrayed and at having someone just disappear off the face of the earth that you once cherished, talked to daily, etc.

 

It does get better...

[genster]

Thanks a lot for your comments!

I feel much better

I know he'll regret it but it hurts that he has someone right now and i don't.

I think i'm done with LDRs; the commitment and trust are always an issue =/

[genster]

LDRs are in fact quite limited when it comes to communication because you are limited to verbal expression of your emotions and feelings. That pales in comparison to the affection, the physical touch, the tastes and smell of the person you're in a relationship with.

 

To say that the distance makes it more "special", and communication "better" is a rationalization of the purest form.

 

True it was very limited what we could do.

But I'm used to him always being on msn and talking to me and since that's gone now, it's a big big void.

And when he came to visit me, it was very special the times we spent together.

 

The distance did make it more special...i mean in a fairytale perspective, it's a great story to tell..they met online, they dated, they married, oh happy ending no one would've thought would work..blah blah..

But on the other hand, the communication was not good at all.

I always told him what was on my mind but he never said anything, just sweet words which i believed in.

The communication and trust were the biggest flaws to our relationship =/

 

unfortunately, i had to learn my lesson the hard way and get a big heartbreak. I thought i prepared myself enough in case something happened..but i never saw cheating coming. Not after 4 years of relationship.