melissag87 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Hi everyone, well after 3 weeks of being broken up with some contact and 1 week of "giving it another shot" (it didn't work out) I will be meeting my ex boyfriend of 2.5 years (the dumper) tomorrow to return some of his things. I still have so much hope because i love him with all my heart despite how much he's hurt me. When we meet up i'm going to return the promise ring he gave me in Feb and also some diamond earrings and a diamond necklace he gave me for christmas...it's too hard for me to keep them and i've decided that i would rather return them. I don't know if i should go about the situation. Should i play it cool and act very positive or should i pour my heart out and tell him how i really feel? any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonboi Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Hi everyone, well after 3 weeks of being broken up with some contact and 1 week of "giving it another shot" (it didn't work out) I will be meeting my ex boyfriend of 2.5 years (the dumper) tomorrow to return some of his things. I still have so much hope because i love him with all my heart despite how much he's hurt me. When we meet up i'm going to return the promise ring he gave me in Feb and also some diamond earrings and a diamond necklace he gave me for christmas...it's too hard for me to keep them and i've decided that i would rather return them. I don't know if i should go about the situation. Should i play it cool and act very positive or should i pour my heart out and tell him how i really feel? any suggestions? Do what you truly feel. Problem with so so so many relationships, pride gets in the way. Stand tall and do what you feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Why did you break up? I agree that pride gets in the way.. but dignity is an important thing to keep in a break up. In my only bad break up.. when I look back on it.. the only thing I wish is that I'd kept my dignity. So explain how you feel for sure but have a good think about exactly how you want to put it and what you will not feel comfortable doing (ie crying and begging). PS if that avatar is a picture of you - you are an absolutely stunning goddess of a girl and there will be no shortage of men out there who would love a chance to be with you, I'm sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Thanks Indigo the avatar is a pic of me but even if i had a bunch of men chasing after me I would only be interested in getting my ex back. My ex broke up with me after 2.5 years out of nowhere! he called over to his house and i brought him dinner that i had made in a tupperwear (being the loving and careing g/f that i am) and he sat me down and said that he "couldn't do it anymore" and that he needed "space" and he wanted to be by himself for a while. And that his life felt very stagnant and that he wanted to finish school, get out of debt, get a promotion at work, and move out....but all on his own and without any of my help. I told him that i didn't understand because we love eachother very much and I will always be there to support him along the way. He also seemed scared that I'm gonna finish school in 2 semesters and that I was alot more far along in my life than him (even though i'm younger) He told me that if we stayed together he could see us getting engaged ini 2-3 years and he couldn't do anything like that right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 It sounds to me like he doesn't think he's good enough for you and he's afraid of making a commitment right now. Have you been talking about getting married or what the two of you would do once you finished school? It also seems like he wants to be able to provide for you and do the things for you that you both want but he doesn't feel like he can accomplish those things fast enough. If you have things you feel like you need to tell him then think them out and make sure you know exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. However be prepared for the worst....I'm not saying expect he worst just know that you can't control what will happen and it could go very well but you jsut can't know that, and it's better to be prepared for anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 OMG! that's exactly what he said "i'm not good enough for you" and "you deserve better than this" It just seems like a load of crap to me He knows that i love him unconditionally and that i would support whatever he wants to do. We did talk about getting married and moving out together but it was never set in stone. Towards the end he did start to lose his temper with me ALOT, I think he was taking out his frustrations of how stagnant his life is on me and it's not fair to take things out on the one's you love the most. When i speak to him tomorrow i'm going to be very sincere and tell him exactly what i feel but i don't think i'll beg because that may just send him on a power trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 just say whatever comes to your heart tomorrow. if you want to say it, just say it don't look back. if its not the reaction you wanted, don't look back be glad you said it and move on then. you will know tomorrow by his actions, words, responses. good luck. keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Thanks sunny! i'll def keep you updated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 OMG! that's exactly what he said "i'm not good enough for you" and "you deserve better than this" It just seems like a load of crap to me He knows that i love him unconditionally and that i would support whatever he wants to do. We did talk about getting married and moving out together but it was never set in stone. Towards the end he did start to lose his temper with me ALOT, I think he was taking out his frustrations of how stagnant his life is on me and it's not fair to take things out on the one's you love the most. When i speak to him tomorrow i'm going to be very sincere and tell him exactly what i feel but i don't think i'll beg because that may just send him on a power trip. Right now I have to say....he's probably right....he isn't good enough for you...he has a lot of growing up to do and he knows it. My ex did too and the past few weeks he's really made a point of showing me that he has learned a lot and matured a lot...I wouldn't even think of going back to him if he if he hadn't shown this kind of growth. Do tell him how you feel. I think it will make you feel better. Then give him time to get his life together. It sounds like he knows that is what he needs to do and he's not really sure he can. I'm sure you want what is best for him all you can do now is tell him that and believe he can and will do it (and come back to you, believe that but don't tell him that)....and then let him do it on his own b/c that is what he wants and needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Wow, that's a really good perspective on this situation. I do love him so i should want what's best for him. and if i let him have a chance of getting his life together then maybe he will and maybe he'll come back if it's meant to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emptyinside70 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Every case is different, but I wouldn't pour my heart out. I did that and it was a big mistake. If I said nothing, we'd still be on speaking terms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Every case is different, but I wouldn't pour my heart out. I did that and it was a big mistake. If I said nothing, we'd still be on speaking terms. Thanks i'll keep that in mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wmast Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I disagree with the consensus of telling him what's on your heart. You have already done that and it did nothing. I was in the same position as you and doing all that "emotional" crap doesn't work; especially when attempting to get them back. He already knows how you feel. If I were you I'd act completely indifferent to him. I wish I had done that when my ex left me.. It wasn't until I acted like I didn't care that she noticed and came running back (along with the fact the guy she left me for was a loser). Actually, when I think about it, I'm gonna say DO NOT be nice, DO NOT be affectionate. He left you and said he needed "alone time" but yet he's talking to someone else. He's no longer a friend, he's no longer who you think he is. You'll see a lot of irrational behavior from him and you need to protect yourself. Trust me. Now that's not to say you and him won't be, all I know is pouring our your heart is not a good idea. I'm not saying to be mean, just act like you could care either way... Put on a show. Make him feel like if he leaves- fine, if he stays- fine. Although we know this isn't the case, that's how you have to play it for now. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 The more i think about this the more i think i'm not gonna pour my heart out. It's true, he already knows how i feel. If i act indifferent then maybe he just may come crawling back. I think i really need to go NC for a while, ever since we broke up 3 weeks ago we have had some contact and i don't think he's really gotten a chance to see what life would be like without me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talus Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 The more i think about this the more i think i'm not gonna pour my heart out. It's true, he already knows how i feel. If i act indifferent then maybe he just may come crawling back. I think i really need to go NC for a while, ever since we broke up 3 weeks ago we have had some contact and i don't think he's really gotten a chance to see what life would be like without me. Bingo. Also think of it as it is a chance for you to take a step back and assess how things are in your life. See clearly what the relationship was like and really look at it from a different perspective. It also gives you a chance to see what life is like without him. I know that's not what you want, but a big mistake a lot of people make(I'm guilty of it myself) is that their partner is everything to them. And when they're gone, then everything is gone. Now's the time for you to stand up and really show your strength here. All I can really say is good luck though. Just don't let your emotions get the better of you and be patient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissag87 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Ok! well I didn't meet up with my ex yesterday because apparently he had "jury duty" and got out really late...he didn't even call to let me know he wasn't going to pick up his $hit...I had to txt him and ask. He told me that he could swing on by in the morning, and I said that was fine. So before he came over this morning i took a shower and did my hair and makeup because I wanted him to see me looking fabulous...lol. He called me when he was outside and i let him in the house and the first thing he did was take a deep breath and admitted that it was really strange stepping into my house since he hadn't been there in so long. Then we went to my room and I showed him all the things that i was returning and I could see his eyes got a little glazed but he never actually shed a tear. We gave eachother a long hug and then we began to talk about our breakup and I wished him the best and i started to cry a little when i told him how i hope that when he gets his situation together that maybe we can date again because i feel a strong connection with him and i always imagined him as my husband and as the man at the end of the altar. He told me he sometimes imagined me as his wife too. Then when we gave eachother another hug we began to kiss one another and my head was telling me STOP but my heart was telling me to GO! We ended up kissing for a while and then he told me "how far do you want this to go? I don't want you to feel used" I told him that I didn't know and i was very confused, we just continued to kiss until it got out of control and one thing lead to another and the rest is history (if you catch my drift). After it was over I walked him outside to his car we gave eachother another hug and kiss and i asked him what we were doing? and why couldn't we just make this a "clean cut" and how come we keep dragging the breakup out longer than we should? He said i don't know and then i asked if i wasn't going to hear from him for a while and then I got very confused because this is exactly what he told me: "We can definitely talk over the phone and keep things casual in that sense" but what does that mean? that we'll have a casual relationship? i'm so confused? On July 9th we both have tix to see John Legend in concert and we decided that we are still going to go together. I think that i'm going to keep very little contact for now until the show. I feel like i have alot of hope in the concert and that it'll re-kindle the flame between us...especially since we used to always listen to John Legend when we first started dating. I'm so confused? does anyone have any inputs? I don't feel used (even though i probably should) because i love him and i know he still loves me, you can't just shut that love off after 2.5 years. He also promised me that he hadn't been with anyone new since we broke up...which made me feel better about sleeping with him. I would really appreciate anyone's insight on this. I love him and I feel like he is my soulmate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamt Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 melissag87, stop being used. if you want him to come back properly then you have to go NC and get him to miss you. Dont accept things on his terms. dont let him have a casual relationship. take control and just disappear out of his life. I would advise giving the concert a miss and stop responding to him. i've seen mates do exactly what he is doing to you. he will keep it casual with you until someone else comes along and bang he is gone. you cant let him treat you like this. you will get hurt badly in the end. he just wants you there as someone to have sex with but with no ties Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wmast Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Wow! He has you right where he wants you. What happened to you not opening up to him? What benefit does he get from being with you now? You give him EVERYTHING now, so why should he bother? You're screwing yourself hun.. You must do the OPPOSITE of what you feel. You won't get him back this way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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