rich 1517 - lets try that again - general discussion

[rich_1517]

i am hoping that this post can start helping others since we are getting a few drive bys. the topic is getting him/her back when contact and casual dating is reestablished.

 

in my case i have the friendship part down cold. respect is growing in the form of me being not emotionally exposed now and not calling or chasing. the passion is the key in my situation.

 

so tactics. i think you guys are right, she wants more pasison in her life, i am in a position to give it to her to help complete but also to show her how to create it herself.

 

in her case she blocks off so many emotions she doesnt realise she is blocking the source of personal passion. romantic passion can be created through tactics.

 

so i am now planning next steps. we have a date tonight, then i will go see her sons play this weekend. some kind of contact mid week, then set her up for her week without her emotional support of her son to pull back.

 

to some that may sound like a dishonest game, yes unfortunately it is. but if i was to say how i felt and what i wanted (notice the "I") i would end up feeling insecure, not getting what i wanted and pushing her away.

 

i am learning to focus on "her" and what she needs and wants to regain her love while not begging, pleading. no feelings from me, zero. no demands, or requests. unconditional but showing like it costs nothing.

 

the second approach is verbal. since i cannot say passion right out, the words creativity and expression are words i can use. so these are my two ideas:

 

i start a discussion that she can participate in around passion from left feild. the key being planting the idea in her head.

 

the second is to lay the idea of something romantically dark in her head as well. again no frontal attacks just the hint. could be a someone elses story i am relating. the point is plant the idea. she is a prudish, furstrated dreamer. meaning she wants excitement but cant ask directly.

 

i have two to three opportunities to do this over the next six days. tonight is about me being low key. I am realising that stable is the biggest thing i can bring to the table, for her that is very attractive.

 

but... laying the seeds of romance is absolutely necessary (else i become just friend). bear in mind no physical contact is happening yet, she has had a lot of confidence in my prescense (thats now slipping).

 

and finally normalising. very important to get conversation and time together as relaxed and comfortable as possible. so my work of being comfortable and relaxed continues.

 

Please comment on any part of this whether you think it will help me or others. my hope is that we can build a general game plan that works for almost anyone in casual dating phase.

 

Inmy case the questions: what are good conversation topics to stir passion without saying it right out?

[rich_1517]

i think i can start by answering my own post.

 

its about getting her to talk about her feelings, the more comfortable she is with that the more open she will become. for someone who doesnt like to talk about her feelings thats no small task.

 

i will have to start small and be patient, dont interrupt (she loves an excuse not to talk), dont fidget and dont judge what i am hearing. i read these things, ive always thought i was a good listener. im learning.

[Beec]

rich,

 

Those are great posts.

 

Beec