A Vicious circle(of an eating disorder)

[Waiting4forever]

Don’t want to slip

When the weather is bad

Using precautions

When its necessary

Don’t want it to suck me back in

Like other times

I see the sign

But its like reading it for the first time

Hate this feeling inside

But love it so much

Want to be alone with it

But surrounded by others

Leave me alone

But don’t go away

I need something to feel

Hate and love for you

Hate the numbers you produce

Hate the guilt I feel when I give in to you

Loving the feeling of it

Of slipping away

You are weak

And you know it

But you hate it

Surfacing every time you please

You don’t care when you come over

Or how you get here

You show up unexpectedly

When I’m most comfortable

And you destroy what little time I have to myself

With no sympathy, you leave me crumpled on the bathroom floor

Alone and lost

But I get myself back up

And kick you back out

Vowing not to let you in again

but you come anyway

Like a vicious circle