Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Why don't you guys put a big half smirk half serious look on your face and tell the women that: "Someday, you'll realize I am the right guy for you." Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Okay...Who got into beec's account??? I don't think I would ever have thought to hear that from you B... Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 How about if it was said really confidently, with a raise of the eyebrows, as you left. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Beec old boy, is this what you are suggesting when you say my acting will have to be REALLY good!!!??? Saying THAT to her?? Wow. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Thats a sly...straight forward move...Long term effect...nothing will come out of that in the short term...I imagine my ex would probably go "ohhh...you think so huh?" in a sly laughing sort of manner... I think there would have to be a certain conversation leading into it...I wonder if it's effectiveness would come better out of the blue or after a "remember that time..." conversation.... Ballsy...shows confidence, borders on arrogance...and yet it does not show need, pressure, or the lot... I like it... if she rejects it...its a joke....if not you were serious.... "well wait...does he really mean that or is he joking??? what do I think...I'm so confused...he must be right...wow I love him!" Okay thats not what would happen, well maybe, but it would get her thinking. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I see no other way to not ignore what you saw and to appear not to be hurt by seeing it at the same time. I picture Sean Connery using his downtown look when he says this, as Bond, when this is being said. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Ok guys - and Beec is going to disagree with me here - if it is over it is over - and confident smirk or not that would not stop me. So Spatz - you want honesty - you think that you have played the game everyone told you to and now you need to play your own game. Yes, you are right, we ask for advice, but ultimately we have to do what is right for our own mental state and capabilities. You can lash out at us, and if that makes you feel better, that is all good. You are hurt - you have to blame everything. I had issues with the way you did some things - but you chose to do that and you know your situation better than me. You could say the same about me and some of the advice I have not heeded from people with the best intentions on this site. So the truth, as I see it. You cannot win this woman back. You have invested too much emotionally, you are feeling broken. YOur one lifeline was that she would not have a new man and now she has and that has left you feelijng crushed. Please, Spatz, I am not trying to hurt you here. But I don't think that you can win her back in your emotional state at the momebnt. Do I think that you can ever win her back? I doubt it, but presumably lots told Danimal that and he is laughing very *&^%ing hard at the moment. We are all here for pretty much the same reason and we are here for good intentions, but I also think that we feed each others insecurities. To play to win, and these are big stakes, is very difficult, and not many people can do it. I have been rocked by the fact that until two months ago, I pretty much fellt sure that I could have the man of my chosing (within reason). I also felt that should that man make a poor judgement (such as dumping me), I would find it fairly easy getting him back. Now I have been rocked in that assumption. I still thinkt hat I could do it. But I had underestimated the importance of the game. I know that if I am going to do it I am going to play a very different game. I have prepared myself for this. I will do whatever it takes. And I will succeed or walk away. There are options. Ultimately I will decide when to jump ship. My ex does not have anyone else in his life - I know this. And I disagree with Beec - this puts me in a slightly better position. Not great, but slightly better. So my honest opininion is that you cannot do this - you are not strong enough emotionally. And sometimes it is a stronger person who walks away. At some point I will walk away (I might look dignified at the time), but I will drink too much, smoke too much, not know what to do with myself, wail, cry, scream at the injustices of it, not eat, not sleep. And then I will start to get &^%$ing better. Because we have no choice. Only you can make that choice Spatz. If you have had enough, fair enough, make that call. But be very &^%$ing sure of what you are doing because there will be no going back once you have made the call. NC will give you the time to heal yourself, not for her benefit, not to get her back, but to help you emotionally. G Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 yes, with the scottish accent...that gets the girls... I wish the accent had stayed with my family all these generations... Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Still trying to get my head around that last sentence...so you think i SHOULD say something like that. Would this mean carrying on with the original plan of trying to get her to meet up for drinks (which she obviously said she would like to do) and then when we talk about the new guy, to say it then...kinda casually but half serious?? Interesting. This is screwing my head up!!! Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 spatz, there are two points to my comments. one, in order to do anything worthwhile with contacting her, it will take a huge move. two, how tremendously big an acting job you will need to do. finally, you should also realize that doing this is not goign to help you this month. you'll simply be trying to improve your chances in July. So, it is a tremendously large bet, that should only be pulled off in rare circumstances by really confident people. Can you do that? Not from how you have acted today. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Thats a sly...straight forward move...Long term effect...nothing will come out of that in the short term... Ballsy...shows confidence, borders on arrogance...and yet it does not show need, pressure, if she rejects it...its a joke....if not you were serious.... Someone sees what I was talking about. The degree of difficulty is really high. And you either pull it off or belly flop from the 10 meter platform. Ouch! Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 The way i have acted today is only natural. i think for even the biggest players of this whole game, the best actors. even these people would have found today hard. Seeing her last week for the first time in 3 months, i pulled off a GREAT acting job - i was aloof, she was asking questions - where was i going that weekend, who was i seeing, etc. I was THE GAME personified. As i have said, if i had bumped into her and him directly, i would have remained calmer. It was the panic that hit me - not knowing what to do - i wasn't expecting it at all. If she had told me to my face, i would have braced myself. This just hit me out of the blue on the nicest day of the year so far weather wise. thereforeeee i am not ashamed of the way i have acted today. I know for a fact that i have played MY game perfectly up until now. Almost every goal i set, i got. Everything was fine. If i had not seen her today, i would be on here tonight saying how much i was looking forward to calling her tomorrow!! Either way, i feel i do't have that much to lose. If Geecee is right, then it is over, and i can not lose her because i don't have her even in my sights!! If Beec is right, then if i played my card right, i could have a shot. A long long long difficult shot, but all the same!! Who knows what i should do - at the end of the day its swings and roundabouts. I just need to decide which swing to jump on, and which roundabout to jump on!!! I honestly couldn't tell you how good my acting would be until i see her and we talk. Maybe i could pull it off, maybe not. If not, then i have not lost anything - if i DON'T see her, then she will just drift further away. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 spatz, I am still going to tell you the by far safer move for your chances is to not contact her. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Wow...beec thats some contradiction.... What to do, what to do... The whole one liner that beec put out there...I see it as this... When the games down to the wire, time for one last play...3 seconds...you need the touchdown to win...whats the play? The Hail Mary....the long bomb... Well it's easier in football to know when the clock is going to run out.... Until that point, you save your last time out and you work the clock...sure the d has you pinned deep in your own zone...but...theres always the Hail Mary... Well...where's the clock at? do you have time to work with? I have no clue...wish i had a stopwatch for you...This I do know...if working the clock doesn't get you in the endzone, at some point the Hail Mary might have to come out...and i think we've already established what that is...Think about it you wouldn't end the game without even trying right, why take the knee when you have a chance, no matter how small the chance. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Thanks Beec, and everyone else who is contributing. To be honest, i don't know how long i can hold out before i chuck it in and contact her. I would have done it tomorrow anyway, so maybe i still will. I really have no idea. I did the first time of no contact, and i found it very hard. If i don't contact her, then she may well contact me over the next few weeks, or she may not. I have no idea. But to be honest, i suspect i won't last that long. I did no contact for a fairly decent time before, and this is where i have ended up. I honestly have no idea. But thank you all. -----------EDIT-------------- And yes, i am feeling a bit confused, as i thought Beec was saying i SHOULD contact, and go all out. but i think he may be basing that on me pulling off a great acting job, something i am not sure he has any confidence in me being able to do!! And he is probably right not to have any confidence!!! And another thing. I feel so sick, i was actually nearly sick a minute ago thinking about this guy lying in my old spot in her bed. I was walking past the house this morning, thinking about her. Little did i know he was there lying in MY spot. Or what used to be MY spot. Makes me so upset and angry. --------------------------- Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 The way i have acted today is only natural. i think for even the biggest players of this whole game, the best actors. even these people would have found today hard. Seeing her last week for the first time in 3 months, i pulled off a GREAT acting job - i was aloof, she was asking questions - where was i going that weekend, who was i seeing, etc. I was THE GAME personified. As i have said, if i had bumped into her and him directly, i would have remained calmer. It was the panic that hit me - not knowing what to do - i wasn't expecting it at all. If she had told me to my face, i would have braced myself. This just hit me out of the blue on the nicest day of the year so far weather wise. thereforeeee i am not ashamed of the way i have acted today. spatz, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But you were not "acting", per se. Your were hurt and trying to let it out. Nothing wrong with that. dikaia, pulling it off would be almost as rare as the Immaculate Reception. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 I meant the way i have behaved. The way i have let this get to me. It is only natural, and i would have shocked myself if i had acted any other way. I merely wish that i had held it together on the outside a bit better - not turned to follow, not let it get to me at work, etc. But that is life i guess!!! I have some REALLY hard thinking to do tonight in order to decide what to do. Either way it seems it is pretty much over between us. Either i do no contact to get over her, or i see her and try to get the closure i need. I don't know. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Best of luck in your thoughts tonight spatz...I'm sure with some deep thought it'll come to you... Beec, The Hail Mary, Pulling the goalie, the half court toss, those are final things to win the game once and for all...maybe not the best analogy, especially with the time clock being involved....How about baseball? No Clocks....just actions that decide when the game is done... Do you want to be Buckner blowing a play or Puckett hitting a late inning homer to send it to game 7 (go Twins!!!) I think that line falls into this....while it is like trying to hit a home run to send it to game 7, hopefully you don't get to that point in a game, but if you do and get that homer...you still have to play game 7, but you have nothing to lose...if you mess it up or play it wrong you look like Buckner...the unfortunate pawn of a wicked curse... Who knows...I couldn't just throw it out there, it would have to follow certain conversation... Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 Well guys, for anyone who reads my post this morning, i will say that i have had a really tough night. I couldn't sleep, i have been so worried and stressed abotu what happened yesterday. It feels like i've been plunged back to the day she dumped me. I've listened to so many different opinions in the last 12 hours - my head is mixed up from all of them. I have decided (after MUCH thought) that i will call her at lunchtime, as i planned to do before i saw them yesterday. I need to be 110% clear in my head that it WAS her i saw, and not my eyes playing some horribly evil trick on me. I personally don't expect her to answer. When i do get to speak to her i AM going to remain cool. I may or may not ask her about yesterday, or may wait for her to bring it up. I am thinking about just asking her if she is still up for a drink at the weekend. I dunno - maybe i am chucking in the towel, maybe this is the wrong thing to do. But at the end of the day, if i do nothing i know its over. I know that i am addicted to this girl, and i hate it. I hate having such strong feelings for her. But i want to show her one last time just how much fun we have together. I want to show her one last time that i AM better than the new guy. It all comes down to 10 minutes. If i had left work ten minutes later yesterday, i would not have seen them, and would still be thinking positively about it all. After 4 months of pain and anguish, fighting with myself over what to do, and how to play my game, i am not going to let 10 crappy minutes screw me over like this. 10 MINUTES!!!! Link to comment
determined Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Spatz I strongly advise against this, but as I know from myself you'll do it anyway. If you call what are the outcomes: 1. Yeah I have a new guy = DEVASTATION 2. No I don't have a new guy and no I don't want to get back = DEVASTATION 3. Doesn't pick up = DEVASTATION as your mind will race what she is doing & who with, why she doesn't call back and general mental trauma That isn't to say it's game over man, it's just the only way you will get back is when you are at a stage that you don't care if you get back. She'll smell the motivated reasons for your call a mile off and then you are quite literally back to square one pro longing your campaign for another few months. You keep saying you need to know, I use to think like that until the constant kidney shots just detsroyed me, when I didn't know and got busy doing something else I started to fell.....wait for it.....better. You don't need to know apart from that curious bug and the fact that you feel close to her leads you to think that you have a right to know what is going on in her life, mate this is not the case, if you want tio get back with her you need to detach from her life and stick with yours. I know you said you've made all the changes etc, but it goes deeper than appearance. You will only start to fell better when you are back to your old self, which is not the worried, upset Spatz that you are now, it is when you were witty, charming and funny...the guy she met. Again don't do it, if you do, you may play down here that it was alright, but I know exactly what you will feel like afterwards which is complete soul detsruction Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 I know what you're saying Determined. The fact is i know she is with the new guy. I am devastated as it is. The plan was to call her anyway - she was expecting me to because i said i would when i saw her last week. If i now don't meet up with her i know it will look like it is because of what i saw yesterday. In any case i am sick and tired of all this. I think Adam Duritz of Counting Crows said it best when he sang "I'm sick and tired of life, well everybody's sick and tired of something..." How right he was. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Hang in there Spatz. Listen to what Determined is saying. What we are all saying. This is the end of your world as you know it. But gradually, a new world begins. We might fight it kicking, screaming, ranting and raving, but eventually we accept it, and find that it really is not that bad after all. Hang in - it gets better, then worse, but eventually better again. G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 You know what, i don't see that it can get a whole lot worse. I really don't. I'll keep you updated as to what i do, how it goes, etc. Even tho i still have no idea myself!!! Waiting for lunchtime then i'm going with whatever is in my gut!!! Link to comment
determined Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Spatz I don't think you are ready to see her again or prove that you are better than this new guy becasue you are too emotionally involved right now. She will be hyper sensitive to the hilt about whatever you say, look like, act and do and you will be read a mile off. DONT SEE HER, DONT CALL HER. She says I want to see you and you go running to mett her....why, this is a girl you invested all your ove and trust in and decided to let you know that you can't withdraw any of that investment anymore....nice one thanks. That's not to say she's horrible, she's not I'm sure but she is in a selfish place right now, why becasue you are putting her there by tending to her every need. I do it now, take complete libities with the girls I'm seeing now because power over others breeds security, security breeds confidence and confidence breeds fell good factor....it is the way of the force young jedi. Right now Darth Vadar has just lobbed off your hand and your about to take a huge fall......but you'll be back, with quicker meaner skills and whoop darth's a** anyway, I digress with a geeky analogy. My point being that you aren't ready for this mate, and you WILL mess up and let slip. Dont tend to her and dont run to her, cancel, you're busy. If you do call make that the point of it, you're going away. My ex decided to ignore my text (about a bill nothing else) when I went off to prague with work instead of going up to Newcastle to visit my friends (where she lives). I don't know how she reacted when she found out whether she was angry, relieved, happy to be with loser biy I dont know, I like to think it hit a nerve but I dont know. Anyway that is the best way, cancel, swerve, dont be predictable. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 D, I've already seen her - we went for lunch last week - i was cool as ya like - "the game personified" as i said in an earlier post. I was completely emoitnally detached - i didn't even ask her about a new guy, or even hint directly. I was fine. Fact is we already agreed to meet up again. And i'm prettu sure i'd have found out then anyway. I'm just sick of all the game playing. it seems pointless. Totally pointless. Link to comment
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