Can't seem to find anything to talk about

[rat_freak]

Hi,

 

My bf and I have been together for over 5.5 years now. We had a few major and a few minor fights like everyone, which we worked out. Things were ok until 1.5 years ago - he went to the east coast to work [internship for school]. We had a hard time doing the long distance thing [even though he visited a few times] and we had a few major and nasty fights. He came back in September and we were trying to work things out [and still are].

 

The only problem is that lately we don't talk... at all. It all seems to be small talk and it's starting to scare me. Last weekend, we sat silently watching TV. We used to talk for hours about this and that... and go out and hang out with people. Now, it's "let's have sex [which is the only thing that is still great] and then watch TV."

 

I know we're both stressed from the school year ending and work, no money and I think we're both getting over some things we fought about before, but we're doing better.

 

Can anyone suggest anything... or share their experiences... Anything's appreciated.

[S4il]

Maybe your having sex, to fill in for what you both really need, communication...

[rat_freak]

Could be.

 

When we were fine and talked alot, we used to have sex just as much... I don't know...

[Celadon]

What did you used to talk about? And what happened to those things?

 

Sometimes people have nothing to say because they're working too hard (work or study, same effect). Nothing interesting has happened lately. And individually, there's not much they're excited about. They don't have time to read anything interesting, or have interesting conversations with other people, or even try anything new on their own (sports, cooking, volunteering, etc.).

 

If you're just having sex and watching TV, it sounds like you're both too brain-tired to talk. And you're in a rut. So why not do something else -- work out together, listen to music, play a game?

 

Of course, if you're not talking because your relationship still hurts from before, then you need to talk about that.

 

I hope some of this helped. I know where you're at -- I hate being lonely in a relationship. But you *can* make it better. Good luck.

[rat_freak]

Sounds a bit right. School's almost over and we both work crappy jobs that take alot out of us... so there isn't much time for other things.

 

I know we have some things that still need to be talked about, but it seems like we should have other things to say to one another... becuase we were getting better...

 

Thanks for your suggestions!

[cakes]

Hey rat-freak, hope you're still around to read this.

 

I can understand the awkward silence. Since my boyfriend landed a new job about a month and a half ago his hours are 99% night shifts. I barely see him ever. During the day when i'm at school and work, he's at home. But when I'm coming home, he's heading out to work for teh rest of hte night.

 

It's hard to maintain what you had in the past after all the separation. When you're not wiht your babe as often as before the connection just seems to fade.

 

Today my hun, awkward of him because he doesn't usually open up to me much. We were only able to see eachother this morning for about an hour and a half for mass before he had to leave for work. Just before he left he confronted me saying how we dont talk anymore. and how i dont talk to him.

 

I dont know its just hard when you dont see the person as much anymore. Things change. I feel really confused about where we're heading rihgt now. Hope things work out better for hte both of us.