Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I wrote a post a couple days ago about a guy who is my neighbor that I really like. We started fooling around and slept together a few times. We both started off the agreement we'd be "cuddle buddies" (my term)..but we ended up sleeping together a few times and really enjoyed eachother in bed. Long story short- i started texting him last week more and more, and he answered less and less, and finally I asked the big question about where is this all going and why dont you act like you like me anymore. I freaked him out, yet i kinda was paranoid he was a player which he came accross to me....He was always reassuring he liked me but wanted to take it slow because he has gotten hurt in his last relationships. But I kept pushing it until I coud tell he was turned off by the whole thing. So I told him Id back off, with pretty much no response.....I saw him at the bar, a couple nights ago and we both were kinda drunk and tried to talk about the situation. He seemed to think I ruined a good thing by freaking him out, and yet he said how awesome it was to have sex with me..blah blah blah....I usually would try going home with him after he bar, but this time I left with my roommate who he knows Ive cuddled and slept with and he knows my roommate likes me....The next morning I saw a couple textx from him from the night before about how sad he is we cant have fun like we used to and how it seems like I dont even find him attractive anymore and act like I dont like him...He knows I like him though! Is this some game? He ust wanted to sleep with me? Because I texted him back, I still like you, just want to take things slow like you said, have a good day....He responded you have a good day too. Then I was stupid and texted him, "so are we on good terms again? lets just be sweet." and he never wrote back....I havent heard from him for a couple days...and was planning on not wrting him again, but went out last night and was wanting to go to his house, tried texting him, no answer, and his cell phone went straight to voice messege... sorry this is so long. I know I need to just walk away, But I like him so much. SHould I just forget about him all together even if he does eventually contact me. We will most likely see eachother all the time. I dont know how to act with him. I dont know what his deal is. I think he just cant handle anything serious and I already put those thoughts in his head..I dunno....Id be okay with just having fun with him, but he doesnt even seem to want to hang out as friends..He is super busy with work and a band and he always is saying he forgot his phone or his phone died...Shoudl I write him off for good? Link to comment
amipushy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Is this some game? He ust wanted to sleep with me?..... Shoudl I write him off for good? Yes, Yes and Yes. And Yes I do understand which is why I am telling you what you need to hear. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 yes, you should just forget him. he's playing you. Link to comment
Kristallnacht Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 It's called being the alpha male. He is probably the most attractive/high status male in his group or even in general, he has his pick of women ,what makes you think you're so special he will stay with you? He probably ignored your texts because he was most likely banging some other chick as he texted all that crap to you. LOL! If you're going to go out with the most desirable guy you better be ready to share him with the other girls. How about you give your "not as hot" but alright roommate who you know won't just use you as a hole to deposit semen? Let me guess, no chemistry Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 ugh...make me so sad..but the sooner i get over him the better...i know being his neighbor I wont be able to escape him.....i will see him out...what should I say..i iwll be so tempted to want to go home with him......should I just say that i like sleeping with you, but when you cant even be a friend to me and hang out then it loses the fun in bed for me? thats the truth..i dont want to act immature and angry at him..i like him....i just think he has lots of issues and doesnt know how to be close to people...also it is probably real easy for him not to respond or try when he knows i like him so much..... ugh..i hate this! Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 cuddle buddies... good one, what did you think it would lead too... when you tell a guy you just want to be cuddle buddies, he has no incetive to treat you anything more... yes he is calling just for sex...... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 hmmm...but here is the situation....I am pretty much up there on the looks department with him...and I think I have a better personality...(lots of my friends dont like him)...when we first hung out he said he is never with pretty girls and he was intimidated by me. Also 3 or 4 people he knows like me, including my roommate and a mutual friend...he has seen the worst in me, making out with another guy in front of him...But I also have been honest and clear with him. Told him I wasnt with wnyone else and even that I stopped sleeping next to my roommate (never had sex)...He said he wasnt with anyone either....I think at that pointthings would have been okay if i just went with the flow and we kept having a good time. Isnt that how relationships develope? Now I think I freaked him out and he just would want to hang out for sex..who knows if I will hear from him..He was making an effort for awhile to text me what a great time he had with me and how he hopes i have a good day..even texted he missed me one day...Now I get nothing...so if I just back off and wait a bit is there a chance he'll come around again? or am I just being a total idiot...? Link to comment
guitargirl1607308056 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 cuddle buddies... good one, what did you think it would lead too... when you tell a guy you just want to be cuddle buddies, he has no incetive to treat you anything more... yes he is calling just for sex...... Absolutely. People will treat you the way you LET them treat you. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 thats what I wanted anyway...I didnt know if I wanted anything more...i was attracted to him and I hadnt had sex in a year and a half! So yeah...I just did what felt fun and good at the time....I didnt worry about not hanging out as friends and getting to know eachother or going on dates first...I thought it was a mutual thing...But then I guess I wanted it to turn into more....If I just pull away and not have sex with him and just be friendly and flirt a little...Do you think he would come to his senses and maybe try to hang out with me and contact me again? possibility? Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 thats what I wanted anyway...I didnt know if I wanted anything more...i was attracted to him and I hadnt had sex in a year and a half! So yeah...I just did what felt fun and good at the time....I didnt worry about not hanging out as friends and getting to know eachother or going on dates first...I thought it was a mutual thing...But then I guess I wanted it to turn into more....If I just pull away and not have sex with him and just be friendly and flirt a little...Do you think he would come to his senses and maybe try to hang out with me and contact me again? possibility? maybe, but he could just try till he gets sex again then go back to his way.... its just hard going backwards you gotta do it the right way the first time.. he would really need to see you as more then just sex... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I do honestly think he thinks about me and just cant bring himself to deal with anything more than sex. I know he likes me and is attracted to me. And I do think he played with the idea in his head of gradually becoming something...But I think I freaked him out...and I dont blame myself, becuase the guys that dont get freaked out by that are usually the ones that are really into you.....But I guess he wasnt into me enough I guess.....Anyway, its weird being his neighbor now.... Link to comment
guitargirl1607308056 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 thats what I wanted anyway...I didnt know if I wanted anything more...i was attracted to him and I hadnt had sex in a year and a half! So yeah...I just did what felt fun and good at the time....I didnt worry about not hanging out as friends and getting to know eachother or going on dates first...I thought it was a mutual thing...But then I guess I wanted it to turn into more....If I just pull away and not have sex with him and just be friendly and flirt a little...Do you think he would come to his senses and maybe try to hang out with me and contact me again? possibility? Honestly, you can't really be upset by his behaviour. He gave you exactly what you asked for. Yes, you've since changed your mind about it but I've come to learn from friends in my life and friends I've made here that it drives men up the wall when we say one thing and do another. You told him you were down for just a casual, physical relationship. If you flip on him and decide you want more it almost comes accross as manipulation and deception. I think in this scenario you really have to either accept the reality of the situation or cut your loses and move on. Either way, I hope it all works out. Keep us updated. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 thanks bmw....I do think he would regret never being able to have sex with me again...but that would be a matter of me having enough self control and respect for myself to not be with him....Then maybe some day he would ask me out or want to hang out....I dont know...I just think his life is kinda full right now and he has so much going on, that he prolly doesnt have time to worry about it.....So how should I act if I see him? When I go out where he is, there are usually a bunch of guys that I talk to and he sees it...I dont understand if all these other guys like me and I like him the best why he wouldnt feel good about that..He told me one time that I probably only like him because he is not on his hands and knees like the other guys......but now it has gone to extreme where I think he just cut me out....2 days of no contact? that seems long... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 thanks so much everyone....I do want to continue to have fun and have sex with this guy, but yeah...I think I started to like him more...does it have to be that clear cut.....either just sex or just relationship...I thought if you are attracted to someone and you have good sex than that is an excelent basis of a relationship...yeah it usually starts off more casual and getting to know the person...but I think we have had our laughs and got to know eachother well by rollig around on the bed,.. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 when you see him just act like a regular neigbhor.. say hi and by, how are you doing... short to the point.. and whatever dont give him sex... dont let him sweet talk you... when he gets horny he will come around and try, dont give him sex and he will be like babe whats up why not... then you can tell him, if you like me and want me then lets go out on dates and get to know eachother like most people do... and if he really likes and cares for you and wants you, he will make the time and effort to do so...... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 anyway...ive been racking my brain too much.....please Id just like to know what to do in order for the best outcome......do I just be friendly to him but hold back, stop texting him and wait and see if he suddenly is interested? Or do I have fun and sleep with him if the time comes up and see if feelings could progress that way.... Link to comment
cat_lady Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I do honestly think he thinks about me and just cant bring himself to deal with anything more than sex. I know he likes me and is attracted to me. And I do think he played with the idea in his head of gradually becoming something...But I think I freaked him out...and I dont blame myself, becuase the guys that dont get freaked out by that are usually the ones that are really into you.....But I guess he wasnt into me enough I guess.....Anyway, its weird being his neighbor now.... I've told myself the same thing many times when I was with my player. Its not the case. He's not confused. He doesn't have issues dealing with his emotions. He doesn't like so much that he doesn't know how to deal with it. You did not freak him out by freaking out. You can't change his mind by showing him how you can be cool and easy going, even if he says otherwise (which at some point, he probably will). You can't change his mind by continuing to have sex with him. He's just interested in sex. Take it from someone who's been there - and the sooner you stop caring about him and stop thinking about him, the sooner you can move on with your life. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 bmw..thanks...youre right...but I have to restrain myself super hard not to end up goig home with him.....But yeah...Ill give it a couple weeks or however long it takes for m to come to a final conclusion. Ill stop all contact and not call him...If I see him at the bar Ill talk to him but not go home with him...What sucks is that he kinda uses the fact that I hang out with other guys and that other guys like me as an excuse almost that he is intimidated or that I am going to hurt him or something...so then when im hanging out with other guys I almost think it will make him run further away...even though he knows i like him...ugh! Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 cat lady..i dont know if he is a player..but maybe being a player he hides it well..I see him out at the bar and I dont see him with other girls...also I am his neighbor...yeah...there are some signs he is a player actually...it makes me sad...I even asked him one time when I tried calling him at night and he didnt answer if he was with other girls...he was like...haha, you think Im some kind of playa or something, I was just cleaning my room..he said he cleaned his room for me,,,and when I went over there the next time it was all clean.....I dont know..I have other guys that like me, whats so bad if he is talking to other girls.....but if he is sleepig with other girls, than I probably wont hear from him and Ill know he didnt really like me.....argh! Link to comment
cat_lady Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 he might or might not be a player. my player told me things like - im sorry i have to work late tonight - when i would call him and i would run into him out with other girls (which he was not expecting of course given the look of surprise on his face) - and then he would say things like - oh this is just my female coworker we went out for drinks after work. both of those were lies. the point is that given his actions he probably doesn't like you that much (other than sex) and as long as you continue liking him he has the upper hand b/c he can beg long enough to get you back into his bed - which probably won't take that long. if he'll apologize for being a jerk for a half an hour, and you'll believe him, right? which is why i say again - the best thing you can do is to get over him and lose all feelings for him and start dating someone else. i wouldn't even talk to him if i were you. if i were to go out and see him, id just smile politely, and either let him come talk to you or go on with your night. don't call him. don't text him. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Thanks Cat lady.....I dont know if he is a player or not either..and for awhile it seemed like he liked me way more than I liked him, and then the tables turned and now i dont know if they will ever turn back,....I knew I shouldnt have called him last night...He probably see's that and takes it as more incentive that Im easy to get back......The fact that he didt respond to my text about things being good between us and lets be sweet makes me realize he is not into me....I will walk away from it as best I can...DOnt want to make a mess out of it anymore...Ive dont that in the past....So if I see him just say hello and do not sleep with him at all costs....Okay...Got it...It sucks that im not into any of the other boys that like me the way I am into him...But I guess thats always the case...I just need to take my grown up experience and be the bigger person...But I will be posting on here again if I end up hearing from him...ALl of your support and help really means alot right now..Thank you all Link to comment
cat_lady Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Don't worry, you'll get over it sooner than you expect Is there anything you ever wanted to do? I put the energy I'd spent thinking on him to going to the gym, and not only did it get me NICER guys, but he feels like an idiot now too Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 good plan..Think I will try that! Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Anon - what's great about this story, is that you really seem to understand everything that you did wrong. So, look at it like it wasn't all in vain - you learned from it, and now can control these impulses a bit better with the next guy. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 but i dont think I did anything wrong besides be impulsive and myslef...and sometimes things that work out that way are the best...im not good at acting against my instincts..i wanted to have fun with him and fool around with him because I was most attracted to him and we clicked in that way......but I didnt think that was a bad thing fr down the road.....I think whether I slept with him then, or later he would end up being the same person....If he doesnt like that I liked him and was attracted to him and then wanted a little more than what he had to give, than I guess it just wasnt right,,,The more I think about it today the more I just get a bad feeling when thinking of him than do I get a feeling Im really missing out...Yeah I wish it coulda been something and it is gonna be really really hard to restrain from not wanting to go home with him, but then again, Im not as sexually attracted to someone who has shown me no emotional fulfillment whatsoever......I hardly even know this guy except through drinking and fooling around....I just thought at some point it would be nice to know the person I was doing this with..I dunno..Im rambling..sorry... Link to comment
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