COtuner Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 See, chewy, that's how I know I need to heal and move on from my ex. it really just boils down to wanting love back in my life again That sentence of yours says it all for both of us. We didn't truly have love in our lives by the time the relationships ended. Something to remember on the tough days, maybe. Thanks for talking me down again. I hope that my being there does help in some way, as you said. I don't know why my ex did what he did. I guess he has the rest of his life to think about it and wonder. Maybe one day he'll be able to see what he had and why he lost me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Hi all! Just checking on everyone. Chewy, CT, when it comes down to it, I think everyone just wants love back in their lives. Even our exes want the same thing in their lives. It's sad that our exes and ourselves wanted the same thing, but it just didn't work out that way. However, one thing I've realized is that you cannot go looking for love and the more you pine for it, the more it will elude you. The best thing all of us can do right now is to better ourselves and wait until love finds us again. Our exes were flawed- they didn't see the beautiful people we were, so they let us go. They will have to live with that for the rest of their lives. Maybe one day, they'll realize what they've lost. Maybe they won't, but our lives are no longer connected with their's. Life keeps on going and we just have to make the best of our situation. On that note, I hope everyone has a wonderful day. Try your best to be happy. My plan is to exercise myself into a coma, so I won't remember what today is. Wish me luck! HUGS!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Eff, I was happy being alone most of my life. My ex changed that - coming so close with him in the first couple years is what made me start to appreciate love. Up until then I was simply feeling like relationships were hard work in exchange for some social activity. So this time around I know what I missed out on, and I know what I want in the future. I won't be pining for love, what I feel a void for is the ability to find someone I can connect with so totally and completely. It isn't love the concept that I crave - it's a once in a lifetime connection with another human being that enriches both of our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 How has everyone done today? I have been extremely lazy and been on ENA most of the day, except for getting in a good workout at the gym. About to start cleaning my kitchen and doing laundry. Not much thought of the ex except when I was driving and wondering if we'd cross paths, since he's often in the area near my gym and he knows my schedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chewy21 Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 I've done pretty well too, CT. Being lazy here too, but I didn't even get out and do anything active. Spent most of the day playing a game, then took a two-hour nap around 3 this afternoon. Once it cools off a bit (been up near 100 most days lately) I may get outside and go for a jog or something. But it sounds like you had a pretty good day, and I'm glad. How is everyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 It's baking outside here too. Yesterday was 90 degrees with 80% humidity. I forced myself to go outside for a 3-mile walk around a nearby lake. Today has just been dreary all day, family is together right now for my brother's birthday, but I've still just got the urge to go home and crash - it's so "blech" out. Just dropping in to say I'm thinking about you guys. Hope you're doing ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tired Tiger Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Well, let's see... about 4 hours of sleep over the last 2 nights, then I break down and send her an e-mail getting some things off my chest, now battling a headache. And the break up was 4 months ago? 2 steps forward, 120 steps back. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tired Tiger Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Ah, even better... after all the recent madness and vitriol, she calls tonight - just as sweet as could be (but we're still done for good). JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I've been keeping myself busy the entire day. My credit card is on fire. Sadly, shopping only reminded me of my ex. I visited a store that we went to before we started dating. It was so sad, because it was in that store that I realized for the first time that I was attracted to him. I remember thinking to myself how cute he looked and reminding myself that he wasn't mine, which made me incredibly sad at the time. *sigh* memories. I'm going to go to bed soon, so I don't get tempted to wish the ex a happy birthday. I realize I need to change my avatar as well. I don't know what I was thinking. The flower in my avatar is called the Star of Bethlehem. It's a very rare flower. A week before our three year anniversary, my ex and I got into a huge fight. I didn't think he would come see me for our anniversary, but he did. He came to my workplace and delivered three of these flowers at the exact time of our anniversary. These flowers symbolize reconciliation. At the time, he said our love was too beautiful to let go of and we owe it to ourselves to let go of our anger. Funny how six months later those words mean nothing to him. I still have the flowers. I dried them up and before we broke up they hung above my bed. Now, they're in a box with the rest of his presents sitting in my basement. Sometimes I sit down and wonder how things got to this point. *sigh* I just need to get past today. Too many fond memories are being triggered today. I just need to remember to keep things in perspective. Good night everyone! Stay strong! *Hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Eff, I was happy being alone most of my life. My ex changed that - coming so close with him in the first couple years is what made me start to appreciate love. Up until then I was simply feeling like relationships were hard work in exchange for some social activity. So this time around I know what I missed out on, and I know what I want in the future. I won't be pining for love, what I feel a void for is the ability to find someone I can connect with so totally and completely. It isn't love the concept that I crave - it's a once in a lifetime connection with another human being that enriches both of our lives. CT, I feel the same way. That's what I miss the most, the connection to another human being. My ex and I understood each other so well. We could talk to each other about anything and everything. We never lied to each other. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll find that bond again with anyone else. Sadly, my ex has already found that bond with someone else, while I'm still here with an empty void in my gut. I miss understanding someone so well and having them understand me at the same level. With all of my morals and values, sometimes I wonder if there is anyone else out there like me these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Well, let's see... about 4 hours of sleep over the last 2 nights, then I break down and send her an e-mail getting some things off my chest, now battling a headache. And the break up was 4 months ago? 2 steps forward, 120 steps back. ](*,) Don't beat yourself up over it. You did what you did. Don't think of it as a step backwards, just think of it as a step to the side. Just keep moving forward and you'll still get to where you want to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Ah, even better... after all the recent madness and vitriol, she calls tonight - just as sweet as could be (but we're still done for good). JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING! Oh man.... I think I'd be drinking about now if I was in your shoes. Something strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Eff, I torched my card too recently. Being good and cutting back so I can get it back down to zero in a couple months time. I've been in the process of replacing most of my wardrobe for several different reasons and one day I just had this urge to go buy a bunch of stuff that he would have absolutely hated to see me in. I think he would have put me in Middle Eastern garb if he could have - anything that made me look attractive made him really jealous. Now I have a few pairs of 4-6 inch heels, some flirty skirts, more feminine stuff than I'd been wearing. Really good for boosting the old self esteem. Funny because I'm not a big shopping nut - but I figured this was an exception and I DID need to replace a bunch of my old clothes (really old, talking a decade) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Glad you're doing ok Seymore. It warmed up here finally, but no humidity Being at the lake sounds great, I like hanging out at lakes. Is it the kind you can swim in? chewy. sounds like you needed a lazy day, so good deal. Another work week ahead, we all made it through the weekend!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Guys, I'm seriously having a melt down. This is the first time I've cried in weeks. I'm going through boxes that I haven't unpacked from my move. I just found the letter my ex wrote me the first time we broke up. Like an idiot, I started reading it. I didn't get further than the first couple of pages. Everything was so apparent in that letter. My ex and I never should've gotten back together. We may have broken up for a different reason this time, but it was clear from that letter that he had problems. I feel so stupid that I didn't see it for what it really was. Unpacking my things, I see my situation a lot more clearly now. I may have let go of my ex, but I'm not letting go of the memories. I'm still keeping ticket stubs, airplane tickets, love letters and cards- even if they're stored in a box. I find myself unable to throw them out. It's so strange, because I honestly don't give a crap about my ex anymore, but I keep holding onto the memories of who he use to be. I honestly loved him so much and he loved me so much. There is so much evidence of that. Again, I'm asking myself WHY someone like that could turn into someone like him now. If someone who loved me to the point, where he would've sacrificed his life to save me, could turn into someone who doesn't give a crap about me anymore, how will I ever find someone who could love me forever? That doesn't seem possible at all. The older I get, the more I find that everlasting love is just a myth. It doesn't seem to exist anywhere. I guess I couldn't past today unscathed afterall. Speed bump # 2! I'm going to go watch a movie to get my mind off of this and go to bed. I know I won't think about this anymore in the morning. Sleep tight everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Im going to challenge myself too...no more Facebook. What I dont know wont hurt me! And why should I care what shes doing anyway? She left me hanging like trash, so f her..I deserve better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Glad you're doing ok Seymore. It warmed up here finally, but no humidity Being at the lake sounds great, I like hanging out at lakes. Is it the kind you can swim in? Not the kind you can swim in. There's none of those around here. I'll bet your clothes shopping was therapeutic. Nice job on burning the card. Were you a spendaholic before? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Eff, it's ok. REALLY! I have stuff in a jar and a box underneath the bed, behind a spare quilt. You'll run into little reminders like this for a while, both in the house and out. Deal with the emotions, it's a healthy release. Vent here as much as you need to - we'll listen, I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Not the kind you can swim in. There's none of those around here. I'll bet your clothes shopping was therapeutic. Nice job on burning the card. Were you a spendaholic before? No, quite the opposite. I had zero balances on my credit cards. The shopping went on the last two months so I'm almost done now. Have a couple more things I need to replace but they can wait. BTW - will all be paid off by August, so not too bad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Im going to challenge myself too...no more Facebook. What I dont know wont hurt me! And why should I care what shes doing anyway? She left me hanging like trash, so f her..I deserve better! Welcome, jarias! Join in as you need to. Today is day 1 without FB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Eff, 6 months later I STILL find my ex's hairpins and hair ties scattered in odd places. I've cleaned my place good and they still show up. Those little reminders still sting for me, but don't hurt as bad as before. I've got all of my reminders in a box labeled "Pandora's box" in my closet. I don't really even think about it. Sorry you had a rough night. Hope tomorrow is better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chewy21 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 Something I've been really good about doing is waiting until I get upset to deal with those reminders. When I moved, I boxed up all of the little things I knew she didn't want and wouldn't miss, like those photo booth pictures you get at the mall, anniversary cards, letters, notes, hair clips and scrunchies... things like that. Every time I got angry, I'd throw out a few of those things. I don't have anything left after the last encounter we had. At my low points, I find myself wishing I had them back, but then I'm glad I don't because I'd look at them and hurt myself even more. That might be something for you to do. The next time you find yourself angry over the breakup, try throwing a few of those things out, or all of them at once. Every time I did it, I was emotionless, and I thanked myself later. Now if I could just stop finding her hairs in my laundry... two months and several washings later, they still show up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effervescent Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Well, I failed miserably. I logged onto my FB today and there were pictures of his b-day party. Granted, there weren't many people there and it was only dinner, but it still stung a bit to see him so happy with his friends. I didn't expect pictures. He's not normally a picture person, but his friends took pictures and posted them. It's the first time I've seen what he looks like since the breakup. It seems like he has lost weight. He looks so happy that it stings. Honestly, I was expecting him to be miserable, but I should've known better. It was weird. When I looked at his picture, I didn't feel anything for him. I actually didn't even think he was attractive anymore. I was just pissed off that he was so happy. He doesn't deserve it. Arghhhhhhhhhh. Time to delete him from FB. I think I'm ready to make the final cut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chewy21 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 That doesn't sound like a failure to me, Eff. I mean yeah, you slipped up and looked at his Facebook, but what you saw gave you what you needed to move on and make some good decisions. Like deleting him from Facebook. Maybe even throwing out those old mementos? Now might be a good chance to do that, while you still have the motivation. I promise you, it helps so much to know that you couldn't go back if you wanted to. After I got rid of all of Jessica's stuff, I knew I had nothing to remind me of her, and no reason to ever see her again. It felt freeing after the way she had been treating me. I hope the rest of your day goes well, Eff. If I can do anything, let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 If you've deleted him, you've traded something that hurt you for something that will benefit you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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