Anon333 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 So I could write a whole book about this but i want to keep t clear cut to a question I asked a guy that I have been sleeping with and kinda seeing....So I am having a hard time gauging where this guy is...He says he likes me, we've already slept together, he says he wants to take it slow though as he's been hurt in the past, he knows a bunch of other guys like me so he says it intimidates him....The relationship has progressively become unbalanced where it is me texting him and trying to hang out and ask questions about where the relationship is going....he seems to have puled away alot, but is always open to my texts saying it is good to hear from me blah blah blah....tonight after a whole day of not textinng him I kinda just told him he confused me and what does he want? His response....."take it easy and slow, have good sex, and see eachother sober sometimes" (im more guilty of calling and texting him drunk)... He also apologized for not being affectionate enough...I dont know...I feel like this whole thing is making me ill and I am supposed to feel good....He never takes initiative and his response tonight makes me wonder if he would ever want anything serious.... I wrote back...."I love having sex with you but I dont want to do it if it makes me form feelings for you and you dont want anything else from it. i dunno. goodnight." And he wrote...goodnight, we'll talk more about this later. I guess." just seems cold to me or am I over sensitive and freaking out too much? please someone tell me what to do..i feel my emotions starting to latch onto this boy and i dont like t one bit....i kinda want to runaway before it gets more painful than it already is...but I dont want to regret anything..i super like him..... Link to comment
anonguy77 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 You are smothering him. This will be impossible for you and I know you will not take my advice but listen to reason here. He is onto you. He knows you really like "super like" him and he is totally non-committal. He wants you as a friend with benefits and that's it - no attachments. Make him work for it. Don't be the one to text. Go for a week without texting him. He'll scratch his head and be like hey, that Anon333 girl was pretty cool??? I kinda miss her. Then he'll get in touch with you. Then you have to play it cool and make him work. It will drive him nuts if he likes you at all and probably even if he doesn't. If a week goes by and no text, you'll know it wasn't a good thing anyway. I'm telling you stop texting for a week, no breakdowns. If anything will work this will work. After the first couple of days it will be cake. Good luck. Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 If you don't like the way he treats you, tell him. If it doesn't change then walk away. Life is too short to try to have adult relationships with people who are too immature, selfish, or both to be up front and honest about their intentions. Link to comment
Anyway Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 If you don't like the way he treats you, tell him. If it doesn't change then walk away. Life is too short to try to have adult relationships with people who are too immature, selfish, or both to be up front and honest about their intentions. I totally agree. Walking away with your head up and a smile on your face usually leaves someone wondering...and it won't be the one walking away. My opinion on him: You're coming on too strong. Guys don't like that. Pull back and wait for his reaction. You'll get to know if he's into you that way... Don't be his toy unless you really want to. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Okay....Just woke up and now cant fall back asleep. I appreciate your responses. I think it is obvious I am pushing him away by acting too needy and being the only one that initiates contact. In the beginning it was even ground and even he got needy, but then something made him pull back, I think it was him seeing me make out with another guy and also leave his house to be with my roommate who I was interested at the time...After that he kinda cooled off and I started texting him and wanting more.....Its funny because last week when he left town and hadnt heard from me in a day he texted he missed me. Also the other day after making me feel really horrible that I crashed at his house after the bar and made him loose sleep and be late from work, he texted me late that night after I fell asleep that he was not mad at me (like I thought he was) and that he wanted to say goodnight and that he hopes I sleep well.....But then I didnt respond all day up until those texts I mentioned. And when I did first write him to say goodnight, he wrote it was good to finally hear from me.... So I do think he likes me, but maybe not to the degree I want him to? Or maybe these things really are best to start off slow and I am smothering him...I hate holding back and I hate being on edge though....I really dont want to let him go, and despite him acting distant and like I am bugging him, he still insists he likes me and wants to hang out...He's just not giving me much....Yah know...Im not used to how these things pan out...Ive been single for a year and a half and he's the first person Ive slept with since then.....It started off just as fun cause I liked him and hadnt had sex in so long....But now I am wanting to be his girlfriend... Ugh...I keep saying I am going to pull back, but then I end up texting him heavy crap like tonight, which totally turned him off I know and made me feel like an idiot....Is there any potential left here for things to work? If I dont text him or call him for a week, how do I respond to when he texts me...I really want to fix this if it is fixible and get it back on comfortable track for both of us.....Thanks again all for your replys.... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 sorry to bump this up. its just been on my mind all day what to do. i dont know if ive already totally pushed him away. i texted him one last time today apolopizing for being so heavy about things and that i want to take things slow too. wished him a good day. i think im gonna not text him after that, but wonder how to respond if he does text me. just short and sweet i guess. is this relationship hopeless? or do alot of relationships start off this rocky? Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 If you want it to work out, as another poster said, STOP WITH THE TEXTING. I don't mean to shout and I know you don't need me to but someone else could read this and be helped too. So let him contact you next, make yourself busy so you don't notice how long it takes (so much). Hopefully he will call, but if he texts or emails just call him back at your leisure. Then just be in between all of the things you found to do to keep yourself busy. After saying hi, how are you let him know you're in the middle of something and he can call you later, a breezy bye bye and you are off the hook. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 thank you for yelling that. i really needed that. i have felt sick the less and less i hear from him and i just keep pushing him more and more. i wish i knew there is a chance for something but i shouldnt have come out and pressured him. so im gonna give it a week of not initiating any contact. and if i do hear from him respond casually. i hate playing this but i guess its my only option. i think i have gone overboard. Link to comment
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