Do we stand a chance in the future?

[tropicaliris]

Hi everyone,

 

I've broken up with my ex (we were together for 11-12months) about 4months now due to me moving away from home to go to college out of state (he's back in Hawaii, im in Washington). Before I left for college we had the best relationship, we were so happy worked thru our ups and downs, respected and loved eachother deeply, were faithful and honest.

 

The stresses from adjusting to this new life, being far away from home(only being able to go home during xmas and summer time) and far away from him have led to our breakup. A month away in college, we broke up, initiated by him due to the fact that I was being needy and not relying on myself to find happiness (which i am much better at now ) My ex started dating someone a month after our breakup which devastated me..

 

When I went home for xmas break, we got out twice since we havent seen eachother for 3months straight. He insisted that we be friends because we have gone through so much together, that he did not want to feel dead to me. I told him I was borderline between saying goodbye completely and being friends which was very hard for me emotionally.

 

We had a very good talk during that break, we both agreed that the breakup was for the best because i need time alone to feel my way thru this big transition in my life. I saw all the things i needed to work on myself, and grow thru my maturity stage in college (i am currently a freshman, 19yrs old). And we agreed that it was best to breakup b/c we didnt want the arguing during that month to lead us to hating eachother and eventually break apart any type of relationship in the future. I asked him if he doesnt want to keep the option open for us, that he sees me as someone that he would never want a relationship with again. He told me "do you want me to lie to you and tell you no? Of course i want to keep the option open, just right now is not a good time for us to be together seeing how its a big change for you to discover the world on ur own now that ur not under the restrictions of ur parents or anyone else."

 

Well its been about 3months since ive been home, and he calls me every so often. I made my decision to not contact him and if he wants to contact me he will put forth the effort. The conversations are nice, and friendly, and breif.

 

I have always told him when we were together that i wished we met 5yrs from now when i will be done with school and ready to settle down with him since that was the direction we wanted to take our relationship. And he agrees that that is the best time too for us. We are keeping on friends level to understand eachother better at a different perspective than bf/gf since there are things that love blinds us of. So that way in the future if we do get back together we'd understand eachother better and pick it up from there.

 

Here is my question, do you see any chance for us in the future? Our mutual friend asked him if he had to choose between me or his new gf would he choose me, he answered, "i can't, not right now.."

 

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated...

[rat_freak]

Hi.

 

I know this is hard for you but I would say you should move on and leave the idea of getting back together with him. You will I'm sure change a lot while at school, especially since you've moved so far away from home.

 

My bf and I were together for 4 years when he took an internship position on the West coast [we live on the East coast] for a year. We didn't break up and said we'd come back to be with each other. It was the hardest thing to do. We almost broke up a few times, went through so many nasty fights and hurt each other.

 

After a year he came back and we're still together after A LOT of work, but things are not the same. We both changed, not drastically, but we have. This was over a year and he did visit a few times during.

 

You'll be gone for 3 or 4 years and you'll meet people and do things that will change you and the same will happen with him.

[tropicaliris]

See the thing is i wont be away in college permenantly for 3yrs straight, he wants to keep in contact with me and hang out together for the time i am back home for xmas and summer which is three months long, that way we catch up with eachother and retain a relationship of some sort whether it be non bf/gf type. That was his point he made when he said that he wanted to be able to keep contact to remain friends and understand eachother as we grow and change and not seem dead to me.

 

He did want to keep the possibility to trying long distance again in the future if fate ever brought us to that point again. Thing is i am moving back home after 3 more yrs, and go to grad school back home.

 

I know nothing is guarenteed in life, but is there any glimmer of hope there?